Who Mourns for Delrith?
My life replayed before my eyes as the golem made several more snatches at me. I was done for this time for sure. I could once again kiss over $200,000 worth of armor goodbye. BOOM! There was another explosion and I looked down in time to see the golem explode…
The next thing I knew I was in Lumbridge castle. I had my rune legs, plate, and shield. Great, everything else was gone. How did I get here was my only question.
Firebabe appeared in the castle next to me. "Baby, are you ok?"
"I don't know. What happened?"
She produced the multicannon she had purchased in my absence. I gave it a look of suppressed terror.
"I saved you from the golem, but you looked down just in time to take a piece of golem shrapnel to the head. I saved all your stuff!"
"Thank you, babe." (K)
I replaced my helm and examined my pickaxe. It would cost 1100 coins to get it fixed. I wasn't about to do it. I concocted a devious plan and told Firebabe about it. We made our way to Falador, went through the mining guild, through the dwarf mines to Nurmof's mining store. Firebabe went up to him and began yelling about how badly constructed the broken pick was. While he was so distracted, I hide behind a large stone and cast telekinetic grab on a rune pickaxe that was on display. It came to me silently and I quickly tucked it away. I slinked out of the store just as Firebabe gave Nurmof a shot in the pills.
"What that for?" I asked.
"He wanted to argue so I gave him my most powerful argument."
"Hello there, Zurtok!" Another drunken dwarf appeared.
I looked at Firebabe. She set up her cannon. I pretended I was going to talk to the little bugger but instead dodged to the side and the dwarf got blown to smithereens by a cannonball.
"Dwarven technology, you can't beat it." I was absurdly pleased. The other dwarves in the general area were now glaring at us.
"What are you staring at shorty?" Firebabe asked.
I bagged my pickaxe and came up with my battle axe. If they wanted to fight, I was ready.
We were badly out numbered and I knew it. Suddenly a warrior appeared out no where and began throwing dwarves out of the way like rag dolls.
"Who the hell is that?" I asked.
"It's me, the mighty Zezima!"
"Oh, brother." Firebabe said.
Zezima came over and leaned against me. "You must be pretty impressed to have the number one warrior in all of runescape saving you!"
"Actually, no. I was more impressed by the contents of the crpper last time I took a laxative."
"Yeah, like hell. You probably got little picies of me in the bank. I bet you go all giggly and girly every time ya look at em'!"
"To be perfectly honest, I'd rather place my donkus in hands of a shade."
"Look out!" Firebabe screamed. I looked her way just in time to get a face-full of cannonball. It seemed to me that Lumbridge castle needed to hire a new gardener. The current gardener had placed the rose bushes under my butt. It's easy to relax after you wear yourself out by running about screaming about the thorns in your ass. Even easier if you dive in the river to get some relief in the cool water and land on bad tempered level 120 river troll, who chases you about. After losing the troll by ducking behind a tree you meet a tree spirit who suggests your run by saying, "Leave these woods and never return!" and slashes at you with her branch-like arms. This causes you to dart up said tree and make yet another discovery; your tree is an ent. Naturally, the ent flings you halfway across Runescape.
So as I said, it easy for me relax after going through all that. That and breaking ever bone in my body from landing on the Dolmen in the center Stonehenge outside Varrock. Delrith stood over me shaking his head. I gave him a tele-titty twister and he minded his own business. I managed to message Firebabe. Varrock…Dolmen…..ouch…. I then passed out just as Delrith doubled over laughing.
I don't how long I chased butterflies, but when I awoke, "Oooh! What on earth was I drinking last night? My head feels like there's a dwarf living in it."
"Are you okay?" Firebabe asked.
"For a guy that's seen more action than a mixing bowl in the cooking guild I'm fine. I'm surprised my armor is still here with all the vultures around here."
"Delrith made sure no one came near you. It took me a while to gain his trust."
"He did eh? I wonder why he's suddenly taken a liking to me."
A level 34 noob marched into the Stonehenge wielding a silverlight. He raised his sword to slash at Delrith. I decided it was time to return the favor and grabbed the blade.
"Just what do you think you're doing?" I asked.
"Finishing the demon slayer quest, what's it to you?"
I ripped the sword from his hands. "Nobody is gonna touch my pal!" I sliced his head off with his own sword.
Firebabe just leaned against the Stonehenge and watched as I gleefully crammed the noobs' armor into my pack. The other people standing about looked in utter shock. I cleared out the area with a bloodlust roar.
"Sheesh, adventurers!" Delrith grabbed me up and began licking my face. "Hey! Cut it out!"
Firebabe started laughing. "What flavor is he Delrith?"
"Ha, ha; very amusing." I pushed Delrith off me. The dark wizard leader approached me. "You want some of this? Cause I'll give ya' all you want."
"You have saved Delrith. On behalf of our entire brotherhood you are now a friend." He extended his hand. I grasped it firmly, giving it a shake. Delrith tapped me on the shoulder.
He held up a deck of cards which he began shuffling from one hand to the other.
"You gotta be kidding me." Both Firebabe and I said.
"Well, one showboat deserves another. Deal me in." Playing poker with Delrith; something told me no good would come from this.
Firebabe, myself, Delrith, and two dark wizards playing poker on the dolmen attracted attention from many a passerby.