Chapter Nineteen

'Turning My Back'

Shelby looked out of the window of her dads car, a tear finding it's way down her pale cheeks. She sighed loudly, smiling at her dad as he put his hand on top of hers,

"You're doing the right thing baby." He reassured her,

"I know... I mean I hope so. I just want to forget, and I actually want a life when I am older and as this, as Shelby, I won't be able to have that." He nodded,

"I understand, it's going to be hard calling you Jennifer though." She grinned,

"I am going to have to get used to it, I like the name JJ..." She said, her dads second name was Jareau, which is where she got it from, the name Merrick was associated with Walt in a way. She hated anything to do with that life, she wouldn't keep any of it. For the first time ever she found herself glad that her dad hadn't been around, he was too busy with his job and he was too far away from them, it was a good thing now because otherwise she wouldn't be able to live with him if he had been around. She would have been all alone and she probably wouldn't have had the guts to do this.

She looked at him, surprised by how much she looked like the man she had grown up to resent for leaving her. Now she owed him everything, he was the one who had sent her to Horizon and she realized now that he did the right thing by her, and now he was taking her home with him, just like she had always wanted. He was finally going to be the dad she had always wanted, and he was finally going to be the only man apart from Peter who wouldn't abuse her or use her for sex.

"This is going to be great, I only wish I had retired a little sooner, it could have prevented so much." He looked down at his hands as he drove, he was ashamed that he had let his daughter down so much. He should have been there to save her, he should have been able to prevent what had happened to her. He hated the fact that he had put his career before his only daughter, he hated Walt even more though. It took everything he had in him to stop himself going to that house and killing the man who had hurt his daughter so badly.

"It doesn't matter daddy, you're here now." She smiled at him as he nodded,

"It never should have happened though."

"Well now I can pretend it didn't..." She whispered, he wondered if he was doing the right thing for her, he didn't believe it to be right for her to suppress the memories that had made her who she was today but he knew that as a seventeen year old she had the right to choose what she wanted to do,and if she wanted to change her name and if she wanted to ignore all the past then he should let her. He had let her down too much for the past seventeen years for him to deny her one wish. And if there was one thing he knew about his daughter, it was she hated her life and the thing that hurt him the most but also something he could understand, was the fact she hated herself. He wasn't about to tell her that she had to stay as Shelby Merrick, he wouldn't do that to her.

"Things are going to be okay from now on, is it okay if I go shopping or something? I need new clothes..." She blushed at the thought of asking him for money, she knew he had plenty of it but it felt weird to ask him for anything,

"Of course you can, do you want Lisa to go with you?" She nodded slowly, Lisa was his girlfriend who she had yet to meet,

"Does she know about me?" He shook his head,

"She knows you as Jennifer, I told her you went to a boarding school and you don't get along with your mother so you asked to move in with me once I retired." She grinned,

"Thank you daddy, that means a lot. I would love to go shopping with her." She looked back out of the window, no more tears running down her face, she knew the memories would still be there but maybe if she pretended enough then they would just go away., Maybe.