I do not own Dragon Ball Z.
Here's hoping you all like this!
'Being dead sucks' Raditz sulked angrily, he'd been stuck in a line for hours now with no food or entertainment 'This has got to be hell' he thought to himself. Everywhere he looked there were little clouds that talked and blue monsters with starched shirts and spectacles, which meant paperwork must be around. Raditz hated paperwork. 'I swear if anyone tried to make me use a pen I'm going to shove it up their' his rant was interrupted by a small monster poking him in his ribs and shouting 'HEY YOU! Keep it moving there! We haven't got all day.' Raditz eyebrows locked and he swung a fist at the man. Before it could connect he was grabbed by some burly monsters and pushed forward. Raditz struggled and swore but they simply twisted his arm sharply causing Raditz to yelp in pain. 'You gonna cooperate mista?' the large monster on his right asked. Raditz nodded and they released him. As they walked off he stared at his arms in confusion, first he hadn't been able to connect that punch, then he'd been dragged like he was a child, what the hell was going on? Why had his strength abandoned him?
Raditz growled loudly attracting a concerned look from another one of the attendants. The small blue man ran over and asked 'Is everything alright sir?' Raditz stared at him for a moment in disbelief before giving the man a wilting glare 'Other than being dead you mean?' the small man gave a great belly laugh and wiped his eyes 'Oh, than joke never gets old no matter how many times its-' Raditz clenched his fists tight and took a deep breath. 'Now look here!' he shouted 'I've been in this queue for hours now! I want to see the management!' the attendant gave him a patient look and waited for a moment 'WELL?' Raditz screamed angrily, the man looked over his shoulder and gave a dramatic sigh 'You know, some people have to wait in the queue for months. We call them 'troublemakers' and you know what? All we want is just a little respect for our taking the trouble of sorting you out with somewhere to go.'
Raditz fumed but realised he'd have to play along with this charade if he wanted things done. 'Now look here... erm...' the attendant tapped a name badge on his shirt, Raditz looked and rolled his eyes 'Now look here Bob' he said 'maybe I was a little harsh back there, but it's not easy for a man of action like me to wait. So perhaps you could do a little something to speed me along? I'd appreciate it.' Raditz tried to smile nicely but realised it must look more of a leer so he stopped. The attendant raised an eyebrow 'Maybe there's hope for you yet, eh?' he said smugly and beckoned Raditz to follow him.
Raditz entered a large official hall. taking up most of it was an enormous desk with was monitored by a larger red monster with a trimmed beard and a suit. the mane plate on the desk announced him as 'the honourable King Yemma.' Raditz smirked, finally he could do things right. 'I DOUBT THAT' the boss said with a booming deep voice 'You heard me think that?' Raditz gasped
'OF COURSE I DID-' the monster looked up and saw Raditz before giving a great groan of annoyance 'NOT ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR LOT!' he grumbled 'I HAD ENOUGH OF YOU BEFORE! ALL TROUBLEMAKERS THE LOT OF YOU! SO MUCH ADMINISTRATION BECAUSE OF YOUR SELFISH PRIDE AND GREED!'
Raditz tried to get an argument across but was given a glare that made him shut up before he'd even formed the words in his head. 'RIGHT! I KNOW WHAT TO DO HERE- STRAIGHT TO HELL! ATTENDANT, THE FILE PLEASE!'
The attendant brought over a book and the great monster licked and skimmed through pages till he found the one he wanted 'AH, "RADITZ".' he paused as he read and his eyes narrowed 'IT SAYS HERE YOU'VE BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR A LOT OF MISCHIEF. PLANETS DESTROYED, FAMILY'S KILLED, MISERY CAUSED... SAME AS ALL THE OTHERS... WAIT A MOMENT, "KILLED HIS OWN BROTHER!" WELL THAT'S A NEW ONE. SAIYANS! ROTTEN APPLES, EVERY ONE OF THEM!'
'Well not all of them sir!' the attendant said 'there was Bardock during the Vegeta incident.'
Yemma thought about it 'QUITE CORRECT ATTENDANT! NOW WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE BEEN MORE LIKE YOUR FATHER? IN ALL HIS LIFE HE ONLY DID ONE GOOD VIRTUOUS ACT AND HE GOT AWAY WITH PURGATORY!'
Raditz looked up at them questioningly 'Wait wait! What was that about my dad and Vegeta?'
'HE WAS THE PIVOTAL MOMENT IN ITS DESTRUCTION.'
'What!? He wasn't that strong! He was good at his job, yes, but Dad was no planet killer!'
'NOT HIM! FREEZA. FREEZA DESTROYED YOUR PLANET AND YOUR FATHER TRIED TO STOP HIM AND MAKE AMENDS. FAILED SPECTACULARLY OF COURSE, BUT HE TRIED.' As Yemma rambled on Raditz tried to swallow the news and found it too bitter to stomach. Freeza had wiped out his planet! He'd sprouted all that talk to Kakarot about them being the strongest fighters in the galaxy and all along it had been a lie. They weren't the strongest fighters at all!
'SHAME IT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO LEARN THE TRUTH SAIYAN, BUT WHATS DONE IS DONE. NOW THEN, YOUR PUNISHMENT' Raditz suddenly felt cold, he had to say something, anything! He could'nt just let that monster get away with it! 'King Yemma please! please let me make amends! I'll change I swear!' Raditz fell to his knees and beseeched the boss for mercy.
'MERCY! YOUR BROTHER BEGGED YOU FOR THAT AND WHAT DID IT GET HIM? YOU KILLED HIM! YOU'D HAVE HAPPILY KILLED KIN FOR SPORT! YOU DESERVE NO LESS THAN DAMNATION!'
'Please!' Raditz begged 'Have mercy' a tear rolled down his cheek and he wept for he knew he was damned.
'ATTENDANT. THE FILE.' the official said with deliberate harshness, Raditz wept harder 'I'd take it all back. I would do anything for a chance to make amends. I'd have let Kakarot kill me if it meant leniency!'
'IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW. WHERE IS THAT FILE?' the attendant looked up nervously 'Sir?' he tried a weak apologetic smile 'WHAT?!'
'its... erm.. gone sir.'
Yemma froze up for a moment 'WHAT?' he demanded in an appalled voice
'It's gone sir. I can't find it...'
there was a gust of wind like a hurricane and crash as the honourable King Yemma fell off his chair and started to look frantically for the paperwork. Raditz looked up without hope as the monsters tore the office up 'IT MUST BE HERE! IT MUST!' the giant said urgently. For the next few minutes he stood frozen before sliding down his desk and biting his moustache in worry
'THE SCANDAL! ONE FILE OF THE DEAD GOES MISSING... AND A SAIYAN ONE AT THAT! WHAT IF IT GOT OUT? I'D BE A LAUGHING STOCK!' 'Wait sir wait! there is another option!' the Attendant whispered into the officials ear and he looked up
'OH YOU MUST BE JOKING! AND AT A TIME LIKE THIS!' the boss said hotly. More whispering followed 'BUT HE'S A MONSTER! LOOK AT HIS FILE!'
'like father, like son sir?'
A crafty look came into the eyes of the giant 'Like father, like Son Goku?'
the attendant grinned and nodded encouragingly 'It could work sir. Stranger things have happened.' the giants eyebrows beetles and he clenched his teeth together 'BUT ITS HIGHLY IRREGULAR! ALMOST AS BAD AS THE MISSING PAPERWORK! I CAN'T JUST LET HIM GO WITHOUT A REASON-' the two seemed to realise they had an audience at the same time and both turn to see Raditz catching flies with an open mouth and a look of disbelief. He rose his arms in a questioning shrug at the two bureaucrats.
In a moment Yemma was once again at his desk and fixing his tie. 'VERY WELL. JUST THIS ONCE I'LL MAKE THE EXCEPTION.' He took a long sip of coffee before nodding to the attendant who blew a whistle. A dozen more monster ran in and shut the door. A lunchtime sign was posted on the handle for the benefit of waiting souls and everyone ent to work fixing up the office, whistling loudly and shouting orders as the King leant forward to whisper 'SO, YOU WERE SAYING YOU'D DO ANYTHING FOR A SECOND CHANCE RADITZ?'
the saiyans face blossomed into a wolfish grin and he nodded enthusiastically 'Absolutely! Whatever it takes to prove I'm a changed man!'
the Giant glared suspiciously from above his desk 'YOU'D BETTER BE.'
Lol. I loved writing this. Hope you found it as amusing as I did! R+R please.