Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters
Summary: This is a short, silly oneshot where Sheppard tries to help Ronon through his problems, but things don't go according to the Colonel's plan. This is an expanded scene from a previous story of mine and I would like to thank Vana1970 for encouraging me to post.
"Hey big guy. What's up?"
"Ask Teyla." Ronon said as he continued attacking a punch bag.
"Teyla? You two have a fight?" The Colonel probed, his mind racing to conclusions.
"Then why would I ask Teyla?" Sheppard pressed.
"Because she knows."
"Oh. You see that won't work." Sheppard said causing Ronon to stop hitting the bag and look at him.
"You see whenever Teyla explains things she does it in a kinda Yodary way."
"Yodary?" Ronon asked confused.
"Yeah, like Yoda. Geez I can't believe that reference still slips past you. Little green, very old guy, long ears, stick."
"Green old guy? Teyla doesn't have long ears." Ronon said lost.
"The point is," Sheppard continued, ignoring his friend. "Is that you need a few minutes to translate what is being said, or at least re-order the sentence, by which time everything has moved on and you miss out on something more important."
"I guess a Bantos rod could be a cane, but she isn't small." Ronon muttered simultaneously. The two men fell silent and then Ronon, oblivious to Sheppard's most recent explanation said.
"I still don't see why that's a problem."
Sheppard looked as his friend who was still looking perplexed and sighed.
"Ok, Star Wars still doesn't work, my fault. How about 'Deep Thought'?"
"Yeah the computer designed by hyper-intelligent, pan-dimensional beings to discover the answer to life, the universe and everything." Sheppard said, whilst Ronon looked at him as if he had lost the plot. "Anyway it gives the answer 42."
"That's a stupid answer." Ronon stated bluntly.
"No it is the answer to life, the universe and everything. But anyway the hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings then built a second computer to tell them the question. See?"
"No." Ronon replied, wondering if Sheppard was having one of the break downs that Woolsey implied they tried to give him.
"Look you ask Teyla a question, but she doesn't give you a straight answer and sometimes she answers the question she thinks you should have asked."
"No she doesn't. I ask do you want to spar. She says yes or no. Simple." Ronon replied.
"I meant the more in-depth emotional conversations." Sheppard said, unsure how he had arrived at this point.
"I try to avoid those." Ronon said after a moment of silent contemplation.
"Well some of us don't have that luxury. Look what I am trying to say is that if I ask Teyla she will answer in a complex, all knowing way, which to understand what she is saying I would have to be Teyla. Who I am not. So I can't possibly understand what she is saying."
"Then don't ask her." Ronon said gripping Sheppard's shoulder as he walked out of the gym. The runner finding his own problems insignificant compared to whatever Sheppard must be going through right now.
"Don't ask her." Sheppard repeated. "That is what I told you I wanted to do." He said only to notice that Ronon had gone. The Colonel stood in the empty gym trying to replay the conversation in his head. Eventually giving up he walked towards the door just as it hissed open.
"John." Teyla greeted.
"I am impressed. Ronon seems much happier."
"He does?" Sheppard asked.
"Indeed. But he said I should not allow you to ask me questions." She answered as she stretched.
"Yes. Why would he say that?"
"I um have no idea. Is that the time? I have to go." The Colonel said hurrying out of the gym.