Author's Note: So this is all because of something I saw a few weeks ago when I went to Wal-Mart. And if you know me at all...you'll know what it was once you read the story...and I refuse to get dragged into the argument I've had via AIM with ctrokj about the cars. Cause ya know what? I'm agreeing to disagree with her about this. So this is pure crack...and just amused the hell outta me. Thanks to elisgalpal and serenelystrange for their help and all...and ctrokj for giving it a once over before posting. Oh and "axis of evil"? Totally serenelystrange ...
"Wal-Mart? Seriously, Dean?" Sam looked up from the book he'd been studying as Dean glided the Impala into a parking space.
"Look I know it's the axis of evil and all that, but we need supplies. And they tend not to ask questions here or even pay much attention," Dean replied as he turned the engine off and slid out of the car, tucking his keys into his pocket.
"So what? We can't go to JD anymore?" Sam asked. He grabbed his back pack and shouldered it as he jogged a little to catch up with his older brother.
"We need things she doesn't stock. Like clothes and if we pick up a few shells or what have you, who's to care? We can stop and stock up more next time we're in JD's neighborhood." Dean nodded towards Sam's pack. "What'd the book say?"
Sam shifted the pack so it lay more comfortably. "Yeah. So I'm thinking zombies," he admitted.
"Zombies? Night of the living dead…brains, I want to eat your brains? Zombies?" Dean questioned, his voice taking on a dragging tone on the second sentence.
"No, more like a boker or resurrection by something similar. Ya know zombies were made famous by the movie Night of the Living Dead but they've been around in literature and movies for the longest time," Sam continued to sprout information as they ambled through the parking lot, but Dean tuned him out, knowing from long association that his younger brother could and would give him a ton of what Dean considered useless information before getting to the point. It wasn't that Dean was stupid by any means, but sometimes he just wanted to know how to kill the damn things after them.
"Son of a bitch!" Dean's exclamation interrupted Sam's flow of information.
Sam's hand went automatically to his belt, reaching for his gun, even as he scanned the surrounding area, looking for what had caused his brother's outburst. He was expecting to see a demon or at least Castiel, but all he could see were cars and the normal creepiness of a Wal-Mart parking lot. Easing his hand down and shifting his back pack, he demanded, "What the hell, Dean?!"
"Look! Just look!"
Sam glanced around, still trying to figure out what had attracted his brother's attention. "Look at what?"
Dean pointed at the car in front of them. "At that! Now I've seen the last sign of the Apocalypse. They turned my beautiful baby into a family sedan!"
"It's a car, Dean," Sam replied slowly.
"It's not just a car, Sammy!" Dean snapped. "I haven't seen anything this evil since you put that pod thingy in my car!"
"Hey!" Sam protested, but Dean ignored him as he paced around the sedan.
A minute later, Dean let out what Sam would classify as a whimper but he knew his brother never would. "It's the bastard child of a Charger and a sedan," Dean moaned as he reached the front of the car again.
"It can't be that bad," Sam replied and ducked the slap his brother aimed at him.
"Why hasn't someone ganked the bastard that designed them?" he demanded as he made another full circle around the car being careful not to touch it. Sam wasn't sure if it was because he was afraid of an alarm or if he was afraid he would catch something from the sedan.
"Cause it's kinda illegal, Dean."
"But that guy has to be a demon. There's no other explanation." Dean waved a hand at the car and Sam was almost amused to see he looked pained at the sight of it.
Sam nudged his brother towards the store again. "Come on. You can shoot the zombies. It won't stop them, but maybe it'll make you feel better."
"Can I blow them up, too?"
"No." Sam shook his head and at his brother's questioning look, he added "'Cause I don't want any pieces crawling after us."
Dean shuddered. "Yeah, good point." He allowed himself to be steered away from the sedan. "Sammy?"
Sam rolled his eyes, but replied, "Yes, Dean?"
"Can we hunt down the guy who designed the new Impala when we're done? Just to make sure he's not a demon?"
Sam shoved his brother through the entrance to Wal-Mart. "Sure, Dean. As long as we can do it without getting arrested."