[A/N: This is a crackfic I started typing a while ago, and decided to finish it. It's based on a weird dream I had after playing Clock Tower 3 from 4:00pm to 2:00am and falling asleep with my Axel plushie and my best friend babbling about Szayel in my ear. Though, the dream didn't much sense so I edited a bit and added an ending since I woke up before it ended.]
Edit: Oh my god. I never thought I would type so much of this shit! This is by far the longest and most retarded one-shot I have ever written! Super crack warning! And super OOC-ness warning.
I own nothing here besides myself.
I ran across the bloody hall, falling and scrambling to my feet desperately. I suppressed the urge to scream, fearing that he might hear me. Desperate to find some sort of a safe zone, I searched for an opened door. All were locked. I could feel him catching up to me. I could smell him.
"Alyssa, where are you?" He called.
'IM NOT ALYSSA!' I wanted to scream.
I grabbed another doorknob and rattled it fiercely. The door opened with a loud creaking noise. I heard him stomping up the stairs. I gasped and stumbled into the dim room, searching for somewhere to hide. My terrified eyes scanned the room frantically.
Under the bed? Too obvious.
Behind the drawer? Too unprotected.
Up the shelves? Too dangerous.
There was nowhere to hide!
Then I spotted a very small door, hidden in plain sight, blending in with the wall's tattered covering. The door to a very inconspicuous-looking closet.
I was out of time, I ran into the closet. But once inside, to my horror, I bumped into a tall, slender figure.
I screamed. So did they.
Two high-pitched wails echoed inside the tiny closet.
The person lounged themselves at me and I screamed again as I pushed myself up against the wall. They seemed just as scared of me as I was of them, since they struggled to find the doorknob.
I realized this person was just another terrified victim, not the hammer-killer.
"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" I heard them squeak before they started hyperventilating.
"Shh! Shh! It's okay! I'm not going to hurt you." I whispered, grabbing their shoulder softly.
The figure spun around sharply, standing directly in front of the dim light that peeked in through the door's shutters. He was a man, by the look of his squared shoulders. He was very tall, slender and had tall, spiky hair that seemed oddly familiar.
"Take a deep breath. You need to calm down or he'll find us." I explained in the calmest tone I could manage.
"Okay… Okay. I'm good, you just startled me." He said. His voice was very familiar.
I knew I had to be crazy for this but I couldn't help the ridiculous identification that slipped out of my mouth;
"Axel?" I asked in disbelief.
He stiffened. "H-How do you know me?" He stuttered.
I couldn't answer. "Axel?" I repeated in awe, still completely in shock.
He was about to say something else, but the sound of a door being broken down cut him off.
The guy, well "Axel" started to gasp loudly. I clamped a hand over his mouth and dragged him further into the enclosed space.
The sledgehammer-guy was inside the room, searching frantically, destroying everything with his massive hammer and brute strength.
We backed up as much as we could, unconsciously holding each other tightly. I heard Axel gulp loudly. I couldn't even breath, fearing I might not be able to control it and get us both killed.
The Stalker sniffed at the air. "Alyssa, where are you?" He asked again as he moved closer to the closet. Then, suddenly, he was right in front of the shuttered door.
Axel whimpered and I held his mouth even tighter. I had to suppress a scream myself as I watched the disfigured man through the shutters. As I tried to retreat further, my palm met a metal pan. I gasped softly and Axel clamped his hand over my mouth.
We watched the armed Assailant as he slowly retreated out of the room. I waited about ten seconds then immediately was pulling off the metal pan.
"What are you doing?" Axel squeaked.
"I don't know about you, but I'm not going back out there. And I'm not staying here either." I said as I stuck my head into the vent on the low wall.
I crawled in swiftly. In truth, I had no idea where this little passage would take me but anywhere was better than here.
"W-Wait for me." Axel said crawling in after me.
"Keep it down." I whispered harshly.
We were half way through the vent when we heard a door open and shut.
"Move!" Axel cut me off, shoving me forward desperately.
Panic overwhelmed me. I scrambled across the vent as fast as I could, Axel was right at my heels.
"Move! Move!" He begged.
But I was going as fast as I could. Besides, there was no way that our attacker could fit his huge body into this tiny vent. Then I heard it. Metal, ripping and tearing.
Axel and I screamed.
"Oh my god!" I exclaimed.
"Run, damn it!" Axel yelled, voice breaking.
Then, salvation, I could see dim lighting at the end of the tunnel.
"Almost there." I muttered.
I got to the exit and threw myself out of the vent. Axel's spiky, red hair came into view moments later.
Damn, This was Axel.
He was almost out when, suddenly, he let out a high-pitched scream. I froze in horror, as he began retreating back into the vent.
"He's got me! Help! HELP!" he screamed in horror.
Just as he was about to disappear from sight, I reached into the vent and grabbed his gloved hand.
"No! Let go! You cant take him!" I yelled, trying to pull him back.
I could hear the struggle inside the vent, through the red-head's cries of terror.
"Alyssa!" Came the killer's raspy voice.
"I'm not Alyssa, bitch!" Axel yelled before a crunching noise came out of the vent.
He probably kicked his attacker in the face. Because, for a moment, I was able to pull him several inches out of the vent. Now, I could see his horrified expression. The killer was pulling him back again.
"Don't let go!" He begged.
"I wont!" I promised as I grabbed his other hand and used my feet to push against the wall.
Suddenly, the force pulling him from the other side became stronger, pulling his entire body, and my upper torso back into the vent. We both screamed but then, just like that, the force was gone. Making Axel propel out of the vent.
We landed on the hard concrete with a loud THUMP, panting heavily, our hearts racing.
"Oh, god… Oooh God!" Axel panted holding his drumming chest.
I patted his stomach wordlessly as if to prove he was there. This all felt like a strange, fucked up nightmare.
"You know… For a second there… I thought you were gonna let him kill me." Axel said as he tried to regain lost oxygen.
"Yeah… So did I." I laughed without much humor. "C'mon, get up. We gotta get outta here." I stood up pulling his arm for him to come with me.
"Y-You know how to get outta this place?" He stuttered.
I sighed deeply. "No clue, but he'll find us if we don't move." I urged, tugging at his arm again.
A sob escaped the red-head's lips.
I turned to face him. "Axel?"
I realized that this was the first time I'd gotten a look at his face. There was no other possible doubt in my mind about this man's identity. Unbelievable as it was, this man was Axel from Kingdom Hearts! …And he was… crying?
He sniffed and wiped his reddening nose, some tears running down his cheeks.
"He's gonna kill us…" He squeaked. "There is no way o-out, all the doo-ors are locked. And I t-tried to break a window but it sealed shu-shut again!" His voice broke before he could finish speaking.
"Keep it down! Do you want him to hear you?" I whispered harshly.
The terrified Nobody only whimpered and kept weeping into his hands.
I didn't know what was more shocking; That this was the real Axel or That he was acting this way.
"Uuh… There, there." I comforted awkwardly. "Don't worry, we'll get outta this. I wont let him hurt you." I promised.
He stifled a sob. "R-Really?" I nodded. "Thank you, person whose name I don't know!" He threw his long arms around me suddenly.
"Okaaayyy… C'mon, lets go!" I shrugged out of his hug and ran down the hall.
"W-Wait for me!"
"I don't like this hallway…" Axel squeaked holding me tighter.
He was behind me and I found the way his arms always seemed to twitch forward at the slightest sound a bit suspicious. The bastard didn't plan to use me as a shield or a sacrifice in order to escape, did he?
"Me neither…" I mumbled.
"He's gonna pop up when we least expect him to, or some really nasty shit is gonna fall from the ceiling, mark my words…"
Something creaked. We both froze.
"You and your big mouth." I groaned.
At that moment, a blur of black, white, and pink fell from the ceiling and crashed right on to us. Axel and I both screamed at the top of our lungs. I kicked the thing furiously, screeching in fear.
"Fuck off! Fuck off!" Axel wailed, voice breaking as he threw punches at random.
The creature that fell on us screeched as well and, from my perspective, appeared hostile.
Axel landed a hard kick on the thing and sent it flying off us. He then yanked me to my feet by my hair and dragged me towards the exit.
"Ow, fuck! That hurts!" I yelled. But he had already let go of me as he was rattling the door knob fiercely.
"Aww! It's locked!" He cried.
"What?! But we just went through it!"
"SHUT UP!" A new voice yelled.
We both turned towards the sound, terrified.
In front of us stood a slender man with glasses, pink, tussled hair and tattered white and black clothes.
"Szayel Aporro Grantz?!" Axel and I nearly screamed.
"You watch Bleach?" I asked him.
"Who doesn't?" Was his answer.
"Yes, yes, It is I, Hueco Mundo's most brilliant researcher." Szayel introduced himself.
"Hueco Mundo's only researcher." Axel corrected subtly.
Szayel popped an anger vein. "Do you want to die?!" He yelled furiously.
"No, not really!" Axel hid behind me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked ignoring the previous remarks.
The Espada was quiet for a while. "I honestly don't know." He finally said. "I was suddenly here and this huge ghoul with a sledgehammer was chasing me and trying to kill me… What about you?" He explained and asked us.
"We dot know either…" Axel answered.
"Anyway, I'm Nicky, and this is-"
"Axel." Szayel cut me off.
"You play Kingdom Hearts?" I asked him.
"Who doesn't?" Was his answer.
I face-palmed. I was the only non-famous person here.
"Whatever, I assume you want to get outta here too, lets keep moving or that psycho is gonna kill us." I urged pushing both men further down the hall.
"W-Wait, Nicky! Not so fast…" Axel squeaked.
"Don't be such a baby, he's not here-"
Door. Kicked. Open. Right in front of us. "Alyssa!"
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" came three simultaneous shrieks.
I turned around and sprinted for the safer side of the hall. Of course, Szayel and Axel were right at my heels.
"Alyssa!" I could hear the stalker closing in on us.
I remembered that the door at the end of the hall was locked before the ghoul could corner us, and grabbed the nearest door's handle. Miraculously, it was opened and I was able to sprint into the room, forgetting completely about my fellow victims.
Unfortunately, the room was a only a study, therefore a dead end.
I then heard the two guys outside the room screaming and saw the stalker had Szayel by his hair and was swing his massive hammer at Axel.
Suddenly, I saw a wooden pole with a glowie blue-ish circle on it.
"What the fuck?" I wondered, but something about the pole screamed "USE ME" so I took it and ran out of the room.
"Nicky!" Axel screamed when he saw me.
The stalker stopped rattling Szayel's skull for a second and turned to look at me just as I threw the pole at his face. The man fell to the ground unconscious. All three of us panted loudly.
I yanked Szayel to his feet. "C'mon!"
Axel carefully stepped over the unconscious Stalker. "Is he dead?"
"No, he's not. Let's go, Axel." I grabbed his hand and ran to catch up with Szayel.
We were halfway across the long hall when we heard ominous music.
"RUUUNNN!" Szayel cut me off.
"Alyssa, where are you?"
We ran into another room.
"Closet!" Szayel pointed to an obvious hiding place which had another blue-ish glowie circle on it. What the fuck where those?! We all ran into the closet. We huddled into the farthest corner, Szayel hid behind Axel and me while we held each other tightly.
We were there for about 20 seconds before the music stopped. Szayel sighed as Axel and I relaxed our tense poses. Suddenly, the closet door opened.
We all screamed again. But in front of us didn't stand the disfigured killer, in front of us stood a young girl with medium, black hair and slightly tanned skin.
"Namina!" I recognized my best friend instantly as I tackled her into a hug.
"Hey…" She greeted awkwardly. "What the fuck is going on?" She then asked.
"Oh Namina! He's trying to kill us and we cant get out!" I explained hurriedly.
"What? Who's trying to kill you? And are they who I think they are?" She pointed at Axel and Szayel.
"Yes they are, will explain that later… Well, maybe not. And- Wait, how did you even get here?" I suddenly asked.
"Well I received your fucking voice message, and it scared the hell outta me so I went to find you."
"Yeah that I know! What I mean is how did you get here?" I explained.
She was quiet. "How did I get here?" She pondered.
"Same!" Szayel, Axel, and I said in unison.
"Wait, so there really is a mad killer on the loose?" Namina asked cautiously.
"Yes!" We yelled at her.
"Okay, lets pretend I believe you, and let's pretend that you two are really Szayel and Axel." She reasoned. "There's a psycho trying to kill us, what do we do?"
"Well there's only one thing to do, we have to stick together." Szayel started. "The only way we'll get out of here alive is if we watch each other's backs and hope for the best. With these assailants it's kill or be killed, but we could never dream of taking on that guy alone so we'll work as a team and-" He was cut off by the door to the room flying of it's hinges.
"Alyssa!" The hammer-stalker screamed, busting into the room.
No one screamed this time, we were all frozen.
Szayel raised a finger scientifically. "Every man for himself." And bolted for the window.
Panic broke loose and everyone started screaming again. Axel jumped over the bed pushed himself against the corner, I dodged the hammer when it came at me. But Namina was frozen in place, her tanned skin had turned pale-white. The guy took a swing at her.
"No!" I tackled her out of the way.
Apparently, everyone thought it was a great idea to use this as a distraction, as we all bolted for the door while the killer composed himself again. I pulled Namina's frozen figure with me.
"Run!" I pushed her and Axel, urging them to keep running down the next hallway. "Hurry Szayel!" I urged the academic.
I started running after them with the killer right at our heels. Abruptly, Szayel spun around.
"Take her! This is all her fault!" He yelled pushing me roughly towards the assailant.
"Huh?!" Was all I managed before I crashed into the massive figure.
That traitorous move apparently gave them enough time to escape. I screamed and tried to run away again, but fell to the ground in my panic attack, since my vision became altered and my movements were becoming uncoordinated.
The killer grabbed my ankle, dragging me back, and lifted his sledgehammer high over our heads.
"Help! Namina, Axel!" But they were gone, they hadn't even seen Szayel's treason.
The hammer came down, I screamed bloody murder.
"Oh god, Nicky!" Axel yelled as he heard the young girl's last, high-pitched shriek.
Namina's eyes watered. "N-Nicky…"
"He got her!" Axel freaked, burying his face in his hands.
"You ASSHOLE!" Namina smacked her hand across the pink-haired scientist's face. "Why didn't you help her?!"
"It was too late! I would've also died if I tried to help her!" The Espada reasoned.
"Liar! I saw what you did!" Axel sobbed.
"What did he do?!" Namina asked outraged.
Szayel smacked Axel, then Namina upside the head.
"You imbeciles, I only saved your lives!" Szayel defended himself.
"You prick! You gave her to him!" Namina accused.
"Okay, whatever. We have to go back!" Axel stated.
"Are you crazy?! If you go back, considered yourself butchered!" Szayel smacked him again.
"Owie…" Axel rubbed his head.
"As much as I hate to admit it… Mr. Pink Murder is right, we cant go back." Namina spat resentfully, she was going to kill him when they got out of this.
"Your friend is dead, it's too late for her, we have to keep moving." Szayel explained again as he kept moving down the hall.
Namina and Axel stared at him for a long moment.
The Arrancar turned around. "Are you coming or not?"
With a stubborn 'HMPH' Namina followed him angrily.
"W-Wait for meee!" Axel yelled running after him.
"I miss Nicky… She held my hand when I got scared…" Axel sniffed as he strayed behind Namina.
"Aw! I'll hold your hand, Axel!" Namina cooed grabbing the Nobody's hand. "I'm scared too…"
They tried to remain as silent as possible as they moved down yet another hallway, though this one was dim and discolored with blood smeared on the walls.
"Oh shit… Is that what I think it is?" Namina groaned at the sight of a corpse not to far away from them.
Axel whimpered and hid behind the Black-haired girl in front of him.
Szayel had a sudden impulse to run the way he came at the gory scene. Blood was smeared everywhere from floor to ceiling, hand prints were among the smears, all leading to the mangled corpse, which was a mess of black fabric, blond hair, and crimson gore.
As they neared him, they all gasped when they realized the dead body.
"Oh my god!" Axel yelled and, to everyone's surprise, ran right at the dead person., poking them repeatedly.
"Vexen?!" He called.
"Vexen?!" Szayel and Namina echoed, running to their comrade's side.
"Holy shit, it is him!" Namina exclaimed.
"Vexen-sama! Why?! Why did the only man who had scientific passion in the game gave to die?!" Szayel fell to his knees. "Why couldn't it have been you?!" He stabbed a finger at Axel, who looked heartbroken at the statement.
"Vexen was Marley's bitch." Axel pouted. "Nothing great about that."
"Yeah, Pinky. Cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it! Let's go…" Namina spat as she stepped over Vexen's bloody carcass.
"You know, I never liked him… he was really creepy." Axel snickered as he manipulated the corpse's face into many ridiculous faces and stuck out his tongue at the dead man's face.
Szayel stood up, smacking Axel on the head once more, and followed Namina down the hall.
"Damn it, guys! Wait up!" Axel called running after them.
They had been wondering around the mansion for about ten minutes, no sign of the killer.
"WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO?!" Axel yelled, desperation getting the best of him, earning two hard smacks to the chest almost instantly.
"SHHH!" Namina and Szayel hissed.
"We don't know, moron. They never tell you what to do in these games." Namina grumbled.
"These games?" Szayel asked.
"Yeah, For what I've seen, this is situation is just like Clock Tower."
"Oh! I know that game, it's kinda old, though…" Axel said.
"So how do you win?" Szayel the asked.
Namina's tone turned sour. "Well, I dunno. I don't have the game, Nicky's the expert. And she's dead because of you!"
"Well, damn, Szayel! You killed our only way outta this!" Axel echoed.
"Will you two just drop it?! What's done is done!" The Arrancar yelled.
The girl and the Nobody just stuck out there tongues at him. He sighed.
"There's a room, maybe we should go plot our next move." Namina suggested, pointing to an open door.
"That's a good idea." Szayel agreed as he entered the room cautiously. Namina followed, Axel hiding his tall body behind her short figure.
Namina sat on the bed, Szayel leaned against the door after locking it, and Axel leaned against the half-opened closet.
"Okay… So in Clock Tower, you get chased by these 'Stalkers' throughout the entire game. Remember Mr. Sledgehammer? Yeah, that's our stalker. And you need to, um, like help the stalker's victims find peace… Or something."
"Wait, Vexen was that guy's victim, right? Couldn't he be the one were supposed to help?" Szayel suggested.
"You think so? No, it can't be, we would've seen his ghost hanging around. Hmm… Wait! Maybe he has a clue on him or something! We gotta go back!" Namina pinged.
"No, no, that's a terrible idea. We cant all go back." Szayel reasoned.
"What? Why not?"
"If we all go and the killer comes we're all screwed. But if he catches only one of us, that one has a better chance of escaping if he or she is alone, and the other two would hear the racket and also have a better chance of escaping." The academic explained in a smartass tone.
"Okay. So one of us just needs to run over there, check for clues and run back." Namina agreed.
Both of there stares fell on Axel.
The redhead looked up with utmost innocence. "Why you looking at me?"
"Well you're the fastest." Szayel replied.
"You're always the first to run when we get attacked." Namina continued.
"Oh no. No way. No fucking way, man!" Axel freaked.
"No, no. No, no, no, no, no, NO!"
"Dude! It'll be just as dangerous, if not more, if we all go. You're fast, you'll be back here in five minutes!" Namina reasoned again.
"Axel! Don't be a selfish bitch, and do this for all of us." The girl snapped.
"Nicky wouldn't make me do this." The Nobody squeaked.
"Dude, you just met her tonight. You don't know her-"
"If you wont do it for us, do it for Nicky!" Szayel cut Namina off.
Namina shot him a 'WTF' look but shrugged it off.
"Do it for Nicky's memory. If we get outta here she can get a proper funeral and burier, and whatnot."
"Yeah. Go, run fast and be back here in record time." The Espada grinned.
Axel let out a heavy sigh. "Why me?" He walked to the door and gripped it's knob.
"If worst come to worst, forget about us and save yourself, we'll meet up eventually. Ready?" Axel nodded, though he really wasn't. "Go!"
The redhead ripped open the door and darted down the hall at full speed. He almost flew down the small flight of stairs they had climbed earlier and ran down the next hallway. He stopped abruptly when he met a couple of suspicious-looking beer bottles in his path, stepping over them gently before continuing his run.
Finally, he reached the mangled corpse. He bent over, catching his breath for a moment before kneeling by the corpse and searching for some sort of a clue.
"After that run, it better fucking be here…" Axel muttered.
He then caught sight of an envelope sticking out of Vexen's cloak. He grabbed it and pulled it out, before opening it.
Inside was a piece of blood-stained paper that read: 'MUSICAL SPOON FISH' and a strange key.
"The fuck? Makes no sense…" The Nobody mumbled as he stuffed the envelope into his pocket.
Suddenly, he heard a moaning sound.
Axel froze. His racing heart pumped even faster. He squeezed his eyes shut, too afraid to look behind him.
"Axel…" He heard a hoarse whisper, as he opened his, now watering, eyes.
A bloody hand, abruptly, came to rest on his shoulder. The redhead screamed at the top of his lungs. He spun around instinctively to meet the horror behind him, ready to run away, or fight back.
"Axel! It's just me!" A familiar voice yelled before he met a familiar pair of olive-green eyes framed my brown hair.
"N-Nicky?" Axel asked disbelievingly as the girl put a pair of steadying hands on his shoulders.
"Nicky!" He exclaimed as she pulled him into a tight hug.
"Y-you're alive! How?" He asked pulling away.
"I… I don't know. He hit my head with the hammer, I sure of it… It hurt like hell, too. But then, I was where I first started." She explained.
"The Checkpoint." Axel mused.
"I-It's like Clock Tower… We're playing Clock Tower but for real!"
"Oh my god, I thought I was the only senile bitch that thought so."
"No, no. Szayel and Namina thought it up, too!"
Suddenly, A large hammer hit the wall besides them, missing there heads by inches.
"No!" Axel cried.
Nicky spun around immediately to face there attacker, swinging a strange water bottle at the Stalker. Water flew out of the bottle in Nicky's death grip and splashed the killer in the face. He screamed as the water steamed out of his face.
"Run!" She yelled grabbing Axel's arm and pulling him down the hall at top speed.
The ominous music started again as they made there way up the flight of stairs.
"Alyssa, where are you?" Came the killer's hoarse voice once more.
"Move faster!" Axel begged, pulling the girl that was straying behind him closer.
"I'm… trying!" She panted, limping faster to catch up to him. He hadn't realized she was injured.
"It's nothing! Where are the others?" Nicky asked.
"In here!" Axel ducked into a room.
Namina and Szayel gasped.
"Nicky!" Namina squealed.
"You're alive? But how?" Szayel asked disbelievingly.
"You!" Nicky snarled viciously. "You fucking traitorous son of a whore!" She stabbed a finger at him.
"It had to be done, how did you survive?" The scientist asked.
"Guuuyys!" Axel whined. "We gotta hide!"
"Oh right! Stalker." Nicky looked around for a hiding place. She spotted a Glowie Circle above the bed. "Under the bed!" She screamed.
"That's too obvious!" Szayel yelled at her.
"It has a Glowie Circle, god dammit! He wont find us if it has a Glowie Circle on it!" Nicky urged hiding under the king-sized bed.
Axel followed almost immediately, then Namina. Szayel bit his lip skeptically.
"Alyssa!" They heard the killer.
The Arrancar immediately hid under the bed.
They watched the killer enter the room and sniff at the air, but he never came close to the bed, Nicky was right, the Glowie Circles hid them well in an otherwise ridiculous hiding-place. The killer teleported his way out of the room.
They all let out a deep sigh of relief.
"So how'd you survive?" Namina then asked her friend.
"Okay, to make long story short. We're in Clock Tower, it's a game, and no matter how many times you die in a game you don't really die. So-"
"So you're saying that it doesn't matter if we die? That we shouldn't be afraid of that guy?" Szayel interrupted.
"Oh, we should be afraid alright. Dying is the worst experience anyone could ever go through, at least in this game. AND you'll start over again. Plus, I have a theory, that you can only die so many times, maybe two or three, before dying for good, so our lives are still at risk." Nicky explained.
"Anyway, it came in handy." She pulled out a strange bottle. "I was too scared to notice it before, it was in a vase in the dining room, that's were I started. It's holy water, it repels impure spirits. It gives us a few seconds to run away from him." She explained. "I got one for each of you." She handed each of them a holy water bottle though, in her opinion, Szayel Aporro Grantz didn't deserve one.
"You're hurt!" Namina gasped when she met the long gash on her friend's arm.
"Oh, it's nothing. I just tried to break a window and cut my arm, it sealed shut again."
"Told you…" Axel muttered.
"I also fucked up my ankle running up the stairs but it aint that serious." She continued.
"Okay… Oh! Axel, did you find anything?" Namina then asked.
"Oh yeah!" He handed her the envelope.
"What is it?" Szayel, who was at the other end of the bed, asked.
"There's a key, and a paper that says… Musical Spoon Fish… What?" Namina replied.
"That doesn't make any sense." Szayel stated.
"It's a clue, morons, it's not supposed to make sense." Nicky retorted.
"Okay, we'll find a use for that eventually, but how do figure out what this key opens?" Namina asked.
"Well, it's obviously a key to a door, and there're a gazillion locked doors in this house… So we just have to find one that looks obviously suspicious, it shouldn't be that hard." Nicky explained again.
The other three were dead silent.
"You would've never figured it out without me, right?" Nicky sighed with an anime sweat-drop.
"I'm so glad you're alive!" Axel cheered as he and Namina hugged her.
"Okay people, lets get moving." Szayel said as he crawled out from under the bed. The others followed.
They wondered around the halls for about half an hour, checking for 'suspicious looking doors' but, no such luck.
"Up the stairs!" Nicky pointed to a flight of stairs ahead of them.
"Why?" Szayel questioned.
"Gut instinct." She replied nonchalantly.
"The hell? We're going up another floor based on your 'Gut instinct'?" Szayel sneered.
"Never question the gut, she's always right about everything… everything." Namina scolded.
"Have your water ready, just in case." Nicky warned before making her way as silently as she could up the creaking staircase.
They made there way up the stairs only to find some gigantic double-doors dead ahead.
"I told you so." Nicky chimed as the scientist suppressed he urge to stick out his tongue at her like a small child.
Axel was a nervous wreck as they walked towards the door, mumbling things about how they were going to get ambushed when they were inside and whatnot, Nicky held his hand with sympathy.
When they got to the door, they could heard the loud racket inside; screams, moans, glass breaking, all while the door thumped as if someone were banging on it from the inside.
Szayel's hand hesitated, as he held the key to the lock.
"Well? Open it." Namina ordered.
"I'm not gonna open it, you open it." he retorted.
"I'll open it!" Nicky yelled snatching the key, her impatience getting the best of her.
She shoved it into the lock and turned it. The lock clicked loudly and the racket inside stopped. The brunette gulped loudly before pushing the door opened and sticking her head inside, expecting some sort of a horror scene.
But there wasn't anything disturbing in sight, just blood smeared everywhere but that wasn't unusual in this mansion. Instead, there was a medium-sized table in the middle and two men playing cards.
One was dressed in the same grab as Axel and had short, blond hair in a mullet. The other was abnormally tall, had dark hair, long, and was dressed in white and black.
"Huh?" Was all that escaped the girl's lips.
Dying of curiosity, the other three stuck there heads into the room as well.
"Got any threes?" The blond asked.
"Go Fish." The tall one replied.
"Got any nines?"
"Got any fives?"
"Fuck this game!" The tall one slammed his fist against the table.
The four watching them were dumbfounded, they recognized the others, they knew them well.
"Nnoitra?" Szayel whispered.
Axel sighed in relief. "Demyx! Yo, Demyx!" He called shoving his way into the room.
The blond turned is head, "Hey Axel!" He greeted.
"Hey- OH MY GOD!" The redhead nearly had a heart attack, when he met the gruesome wound on the right side of his comrade's head.
"What? Oh that. Yeah, pretty gross." Demyx sighed.
"Nnoitra!" Szayel called.
"Yo." Nnoitra grinned, turning to face the newcomers, revealing his bloody left side.
"W-What happened to you two?" Namina then asked.
"Um, duh." Demyx snickered as if she were asking something too obvious.
"We got brutally murdered, what do you think happened?" Nnoitra replied rudely.
"You're dead?" Nicky asked.
"Noooo!" Demyx and Nnoitra both answered sarcastically.
"But why are you playing Go Fish?" Szayel then asked.
"Cause' we got bored, waiting for your slow asses." Nnoitra replied.
"I always win." Demyx informed.
"Shut up!" The Quinta Espada snarled.
"W-Why were you waiting for us?" Axel, who had just recovered from massive shock, asked.
Nnoitra and Demyx shared an annoyed glance and rolled there eyes.
"So you can get our stuff back from that hammer-dude!" Demyx yelled.
The four were completely clueless, but nodded with unsure 'Rights' and 'Oh Yeahs'.
"Okay, lets wrap it up cause were not even supposed to be talking. Go hide over there behind the bed and watch us die." Nnoitra ordered.
"Why do we have to watch you die?" Namina asked.
"Don't ask me, I don't make up the rules!" Nnoitra yelled impatiently.
Awkwardly, the group sat behind the bed.
"We're missing popcorn…" Nicky muttered.
When they looked up, they saw Nnoitra and Demyx sitting holding up there cards again, there wounds were gone, Nnoitra had the eye-patch they hadn't noticed was missing, and Demyx had his sitar by his side.
"Got any three-" Demyx started but was cut off by the sound of a door being broken down.
The sledgehammer killer busted into the room laughing madly.
"What the fuck? Who're you?" Nnoitra yelled as he stood up defensively.
The stalker lounged at him, slamming the hammer onto the table and breaking it into multiple pieces.
"H-Hey!" Demyx yelled scrambling out of his chair and across the room.
"Are you crazy?! What the fuck is wrong with you, bitch?!" Nnoitra yelled stabbing a finger at the man.
The stalker swung his hammer and caught The Espada's arm.
A loud snap echoed through the room, followed by a sharp scream of pain, which made the group in hiding cringe. Axel's hand tightened around Nicky's, his entire body shaking. The others were to shocked to tremble.
Demyx was a frozen statue.
"Run…" Namina whispered, like you do in horror movies, advise them even though they cant hear you.
The killer grabbed Nnoitra by his hair and flung him to the ground. The Arrancar tried to rise to his knees but the Stalker brought his hammer down on his back, causing more snapping and crunching noises.
The tall man screamed again. "Ack.. Fuck off, man…" he coughed up some blood.
The stalker hit his victim again, and again. Blood splattered everywhere drenching the killer as well as Demyx's frozen figure and the sitar he held.
Nnoitra was dead, the assailant let out a victorious chuckle.
Now that he'd seen the horror, something in Demyx's brain seemed to click into place. He sprinted for the door, but the ghoul swung his hammer under him and sent him flying into the opposite wall. The musician's sitar hit he ground with a deafening clunk, this seemed to demand the killer's attention more than the kill.
Demyx's horrified expression turned into a vicious scowl. He stood up and held out his hands defensively.
"Oh no. No fucking way, man. You can trash my table, kill my poker buddy, rip my head off, tear my chest open, dude, you can even fuck me, but no way in hell are you taking my sitar."
"Oh really?" This was the first time the group had heard the killer say anything that wasn't 'Alyssa where are you?'
"Yeah, really. Over my dead body!"
"Idiot!" Szayel hissed.
The Stalker smirked and swiftly connected his hammer with the right side of the blond Nobody's head, sending chunks of his skull flying, and splattering blood everywhere.
Shocked squeals and gasps came from behind the bed.
"Dem-Dem…" Nicky whimpered.
The Nobody dropped dead next to the previously-brutalized Arrancar.
The killer giggled, clapping his hands together like an eager little girl before removing Nnoitra's eye-patch and snatching Demyx's instrument from the ground.
"Owned bitches!" He mooned his victims' corpses and ran out of the room giggling.
The four behind the bed stayed silent for a while.
"I don't know what was more disturbing; How they died or How the killer acted afterwards." Szayel shuddered.
"So what, now we have to find him and tell him to give our friends' stuff back?" Namina snorted.
"Probably a boss fight." Nicky corrected.
"Boss fight?!" Everyone echoed.
"Yeah, but don't worry I have a plan." She grinned viciously.
"You and your plans…" Namina groaned.
"OOOHHH! I get it!" Axel yelled suddenly earning a few weird looks. "Demyx's a musician, Nnoitra looks like a spoon and they were playing Go Fish! Musical Spoon Fish!"
Everyone's faces looked like this; o.0
"Dude, now you figure that out?" Namina asked cautiously.
"Yeah…" Axel replied innocently, making everyone face palm.
"God." Szayel sighed.
"Yeah, so we just found out that Axel was Blonde in a past life." Nicky muttered. "Whatever lets go find the hammer-dude." She ran out of the room eagerly.
"Nicky, wait up!" Namina called as the other three ran after her.
They followed her down the stairs and down the hall.
"Nicky! Where are we going?!" Axel yelled frantically.
"To get outta here, the doors are opened now cause' the killer is waiting for us outside!" She replied.
"What?! We're going over there to face him?" Szayel asked.
"But that's crazy!" Axel yelled again.
"I said I have a plan! Jeez…"
They were outside the mansion in mere minutes, finding there way around the huge building had been suspiciously easy, and, as Nicky had predicted, the front door was unlocked.
They ran outside only to find Mr. Stalker perched on a giant water fountain, laughing like a maniac.
"BWAHAHAHA! How foolish of you, do you really think you can defeat me?" He laughed.
"Why?! Why did you kill Nnoi-kun and Dem-Dem?!" Nicky yelled as her friends rolled their eyes at the inappropriate time to use fangirl-nicknames.
The killer didn't respond he just lounged at them, grabbing Nicky as she dodge out of his grasp, laughing the whole time. "BWAHAHA! You're next."
Suddenly, large letters fell in front of the Stalker reading "SLEDGEHAMMER. VICTIMS 24. SENTENCED TO 112 YEARS."
"Wait! Wait! Hold that thought!" Nicky darted in front of the killer and her now-team.
"Huh?" Everyone else echoed.
"Dude, if we turn this little squabble into a boss fight, you might kill us or we might win, either way it's no fun for anyone. What if, We do something like… Karaoke? That'd be fun." Nick chimed.
"KARAOKE?!" Everyone yelled in disbelief.
"Yeah, it'd be tons of fun. And if you win, you can kill us at the end." She replied.
"WHAT?!" Namina, Szayel, and Axel yelled in unison.
"But… If we win, you need to give us our friends stuff back AND retire." She finished.
To the four's amazement, the subordinate put a hand on his chin thoughtfully.
"He's not actually considering this, is he?" Szayel whispered to Namina.
She started to reply but was cut off by the Stalker's heavy voice.
"But, it's four against one, it's not fair." He spoke.
Nicky tapped a finger on her chin, deeply in thought. "Hmm… Well, you could recruit your own team." She suggested.
The other three's jaws hit the floor.
"What?!" Axel yelled.
"More stalkers?!" Namina asked in outrage.
"He actually went for it." Szayel muttered in disbelief.
Then, to there shock and horror, The killer flipped open a Motorola RAZR, dialed a number and started talking as he turned away from them.
Their jaws hit the floor again.
"What was that?!" Namina asked as Nicky turned to face them again.
"I told you I had a plan! Though, I'd originally thought of asking for a Final Fantasy VII cross-over so we could have an ultimate, laws of physics-defying, motorbike fight… But I decided we had a better chance of winning a Karaoke performance competition."
"But you cant dance!" Namina yelled.
"But you can, And We can both sing. Lets just hope Szayel and Axel can do both." Both girls looked at the two guys besides them.
"I can dance a little…" Axel scratch the back of his head.
"I've never danced in my life, but I can sing somewhat well." Szayel replied.
"Chilax, girl. It'll be okay." Nicky comforted just as the killer turned back towards them.
"Okay, my friends will be here shortly." He announced.
Surely, after he finished his sentence two glowing forms appeared at each of his sides. At his left side stood a large, scary-looking man in an apron and a gas mask. On his right stood a slim, weirdly skinned man that looked like a mix of a ninja, Voldo from Soul Calibur, The Joker, and Chris Crocker.
"What the fuck?! Johnny! I told you to call the twins! Why'd you bring him?!" The hammer-killer yelled at the acid-killer at his left.
"Well, they were too busy to come to your little dance-off Karaoke, Morris!" The Corroder yelled back.
"Well, they're assholes. That's nothing new, but why Harold?!" The Sledgehammer whined.
"He was the only one available, everyone else has a life! And believe it or not, so do I! So lets get this over with so I can go back to work before the blind old lady and her son find a way to escape!" The Corroder yelled angrily.
The Corroder passed by his fellow stalker and threw him one last remark. "Dude, the only reason you wanted the twins so badly is cause you like Jemima."
The Sledgehammer blushed. "I don't like her!"
The ninja-Voldo-Joker-Chris Crocker guy chuckled. "She's too pretty for you, besides Ralph will never let an ogre like you date his sister."
"No one asked you, Mr. Faggot!"
"OKAY!" Nikoto stopped the weird argument. "So it seems you're a team member short… is that okay?" She asked.
The subordinates shrugged.
"Okay, so you can sing what ever you want and you get extra points if you dance and act it out. Soooo… Lets dance… or sing! You may have a few moments to strategize." She informed before turning back to her team.
Szayel took a steadying breath. "So what's the plan?" He asked her.
The young girl blinked. "Gee, I dunno. I never thought we'd actually get this far."
Her team face-palmed, yet again.
"Well, I guess we'll just wing it." She then said.
"Wing it?!" Axel yelled frantically.
"Dude, do you really think these guys can sing or dance? They're serial killers for fuck's sake." Namina said calmingly, trying to convince herself of what she'd just said.
"Exactly! That's the whole point of this." Nicky said. "Enter the judges!"
Out of the mansion came four figures and sat on a table in front of a stage that appeared out of nowhere.
"Alright, lets see what you've got." A man with Black hair and a British accent said.
"Simon?!" Everyone yelled in disbelief.
"You called Simon?!" Namina yelled at her friend.
"Yep." Nicky answered. "And, Ulquiorra from Bleach, Blair from Soul Eater, and Haruko from Fooly Coolly." She grinned.
"H-How? W-When?" Axel stuttered.
"Hello People!" Haruko yelled.
"Hey! Let's see some hot singers!" Blair chimed.
"Trash." Was Ulquiorra's only greeting.
The teams gathered and took their turn numbers.
"Alright, first up is… Robert Morris." Simon informed as the sledgehammer killer climbed onto the stage.
"Hit it." He ordered as some slightly strange piano music started pouring from hidden speakers. (Look up 'Blood' by My Chemical Romance on youtube)
"Well, they encourage all complete cooperation, send you roses when think you need to smile! I cant control myself because I don't know how. And they love me for it, honestly I'll be here for a while so give them blood. Blood. Gallons of the stuff. Give them all that they can drink and it will never be enough! So give them blood. Blood. Bloooooooood! Grab a glass because there's going to be a flood!"
The entity sung the entire song while dancing some sort of disturbing sexy-dance, complete with hip movements and everything.
His team and their rivals were perturbed. But the judges faces held multiple emotions.
Morris finished his song and awaited his critique.
Simon was the first to speak. "Honestly, blood? Is that the only thing you are able to think of? My god, you are a Neanderthal. Terrible song choice, and a horrendous, horrendous preformance."
Morris looked heartbroken, but didn't say anything.
Then Spoke Blair. "You're ugly." She brushed her hair behind her cat-ears.
Morris was even more heartbroken.
"Trash." Was Ulquiorra's simple review.
The stalker looked like he was about to cry.
Haruko pouted. "Don't listen to them, I think you rocked! You were awesome, man! AWEEEESOOOOMMEEE!" She yelled before her face hit the table.
"Honestly, how much has that girl smoked?" Szayel idly wondered. "And why has she copied me look?!"
"Off the stage, Morris!" Corroder yelled angrily.
The sledgehammer stopped off the stage and over to his team's side.
The Chopper looked at him blankly. "Blood?"
Simon cleared this throat. "Alright, next."
The opposite team fumbled.
"Who's up now?!" Namina asked frantically.
"You are." The other three said in unison.
"W-WHAT?!" Was all she managed before she was shoved on stage.
"Well?" Blair leaned forwards impatiently.
"Uuuh… My name is Namina Genma and Imma sing umm… Beep by The Pussycat Dolls?" She announced uncertainly.
"Okay! Hit it!" Haruko yelled.
She sung fairly well the entire song while her team cheered and the subordinates smacked Morris upside the head repeatedly.
When she was finished she nervously waited her critique.
Simon spoke. "You have a fair voice but tend to go off tune. Also, horrible song choice. You should also watch how you treat the mic, it's annoying how you keep changing it from hand to hand. If this were a scale I'd give you a four."
Namina pouted and shifted on her feet uncomfortably.
"DON'T LISTEN TO THAT FUCKER, GIRL! YOU WERE GREAT!" Nicky yelled from the sidelines.
"Nicky!" Szayel smacked her.
"Well, you were a little insecure but it's okay! I liked your singing, and I loved your song." Blair chimed.
Namina brightened up a little.
Then came Ulquiorra. "You're trash. But you're good trash, I'd like to have you in my garbage. Yeah, good trash, good trash." He gave her a thumbs up.
Then Haruko. "SWEEEEETTTT!" Her face hit the table once more.
"Am I the only one who thinks she's on something?!" Szayel ranted.
As she made her way down the stage a blue-ish whirlpool appeared as two high-pitched laughs echoed throughout the yard.
"What the hell?" Axel murmured.
"YESSS!" Morris jumped up and down with happiness.
The Chopper scratched his head. "Are those-?"
"Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Who said they weren't coming?!" The Sledgehammer cut him off.
Suddenly, on stage stood a pale woman in crazy fabric with a long feather in her black hair who wielded a pair of scissor-blades, and a pale man with in the same crazy fabric only he wore pants that looked like a thong, he also wielded scissors and hand a long feather stuck into his ponytail.
"AAAHHH! MY EYES!" Nicky shrieked, as she was in a very clear and unfortunate view of the man's crotch.
"Ralph! Jemima! Mah hommies!" Morris yelled.
"Hey Morris!" They greeted in unison.
"What are those clowns doing on stage?" Simon asked Blair.
"They bringing Sexy back!" she replied.
"YEAH!" Haruko finished making Simon face-plant into the table.
"Double trash." Came Ulquiorra's reaction.
"So Rob, We got this voice message from Corroder saying to meet you guys here as soon as possible. What's going on?" Ralph asked the Sledgehammer in his clownish voice.
"Am I the only one who thinks his voice is kinda hot?" Blair mumbled earning multiple weird looks.
Robert Morris blushed. "Uh… Well, I needed a team for an… um…"
"A Karaoke contest." Corroder finished.
"John! Don't embarrass me in front of Jemima!" He hissed at his fellow stalker.
"Bleh!" Was John's response.
Ralph pursed his lips. "Oh, I see what's going on here. And I feel like bursting everyone's bubble. Jemima… Off the stage… Get off." He pushed his sister off the platform, earning a few muttered insults. He then picked up the microphone and snapped his fingers so all the lights were on him.
He cleared his throat before speaking. "Hello everyone!" He greeted.
"Hi!" Nicky yelled, earning a few smacks to the head.
"Well," Ralph continued. "I don't know what turn of events brought us subordinates, Sledgehammer's potential victims, and high judges to this situation. Nor I know the outcome of tonight. But before anything else happens I'd like clear a few things up."
He stopped pacing and stood directly in the stage's center. "First of all, I'm not gay."
Everyone shot Blair weird looks.
"Now that that's out of the way…" The Scissorman continued. "Morris likes Jemima."
"Ralph!" Came Morris' outraged yell.
"Jemima likes Chopper."
"RALPH!" Came his sister's screech.
"And Chopper likes Corroder."
Crickets chirped as everyone stared at the Chopper blankly. Johnny scooted away from him subtly.
Suddenly, "!" The group potential victims busted out laughing madly. They rolled on floor literally, howling with laughter.
"Oh god! Ooohh god! Oh my god!" Szayel laughed.
"S-Seriously?! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Namina held her aching sides as tears ran down her flushing face.
"AHAHAHA! I'm SO never taking these guys seriously again, EVER! They don't even scare me anymore!" Axel cackled.
"S-Scissorman… You are my IDOL!" Nicky yelled, panting to regain lost oxygen.
At the judges table; Simon had face-palmed, Blair looked amused, Ulquiorra was muttering something about trash, and Haruko was also laughing her ass off.
"You BASTARD!" Jemima yelled angrily at her twin.
"Dude, that was just being a prick…" Chopper muttered from his emo corner.
Morris looked stunned. "Wait, but who likes me?" He asked.
Almost everyone face-palmed.
"No one, you're ugly." Ralph answered.
"And who likes you?"
"Everyone cause I'm awesome!"
"Oh fuck you! You're nothing but a FAGGOT!" Chopper yelled at the court jester.
Ralph looked outraged. "Oh, I'm a faggot?!"
"I'm a faggot?! Look who's talking Harold Mc'Pansy!" Ralph retorted.
"That's it, let me at 'im!" Chopper yelled as he was help back by Sledgehammer, since Corroder refused to go near him. "Let go! Imma chop his head off!" He yelled struggling.
"Manwhore…" Ralph muttered jumping of the stage.
"Tiraera, Tiraera!" (1) Namina yelled in a giggle fit.
"Your mother!" Chopper yelled.
"Oh no he didn't!" Szayel snickered.
"Oh no, you didn't just insult MY momma!" Jemima stepped in.
"Not your's Ralph's!" Chopper yelled at the Scissorwoman.
Everyone face-palmed again.
"They're twins, dumbass!" Nicky yelled.
Suddenly, the stage was gone and they were in some sort of arena, Nicky's group and the judges were on the bleachers. The subordinates were on the field, Chopper, Corroder, and Sledgehammer on one side, and the Scissortwins on the other.
"YO MOMMA FIGHT!" A booming voice suddenly yelled.
"Yo momma so fat, you have to take an airplane, two trains, and four buses just to get on her good side!" Jemima yelled.
"Well, yo momma so ugly, she joined an ugly contest and they said; 'Sorry, No Professionals." Chopper snapped.
"Yo momma so ugly when she was born her mother said; 'What a treasure!' And her father said; 'Yes, lets go bury it.' " Ralph snickered.
Morris sighed and decided to help out Harold since the oh-so-clever twins were going to eat him alive. "Well, yo momma so stupid when the doctor told her she was pregnant, she asked if it was hers!"
"Yo momma so ugly she scared Bigfoot shitless!" Ralph snapped.
"Yo momma so ugly, she goes to a strip joint and they pay her to keep her clothes on!" Corroder chimed, surprising everyone.
Ralph looked distraught.
"Well, yo momma so ugly she makes blind children cry!" Jemima snarled.
"Damn straight!" Albert and Dorothy yelled from the bleachers, whipping their bleeding eyes before disappearing.
"You okay, Ralph?" Jemima asked her still-frozen brother.
"That one actually hurt…" He muttered.
"I know, Ralphy, it's okay." She patted him on the back gently.
"Yo momma so hairy you almost died of rug burn at birth!" Corroder laughed out loud.
Ralph was a mess and Jemima furrowed her slim brows as she struggled to come up with a comeback.
Corroder didn't waste this chance, he had them. "Yo momma so old I told her to act her age and she died!"
Ralph bit his lip.
Jemima spoke. "W-well… I aint got nothin' to say about yo momma… Her face says it all…" she stuttered.
Chopper smirked, this was it, they had won!
"YO MOMMA SO FAT THEY HAD TO GREASE A DOOR FRAME AND HOLD A TWINKIE ON THE OTHER SIDE TO GET HER THROUGH!" A young female voice broke in.
The subordinates were dumbfounded.
"YO MOMMA SO UGLY SHE MADE MEDUSA TURN TO STONE!" She yelled again.
The entities turned their head's towards the bleachers to find Nicky leaning into the arena.
"What are you doing?!" Namina yelled at her.
"If we want to get out of this alive we have to win something!" She yelled back.
"The girl's got a point. That karaoke bullshit went straight down the toilet." Szayel agreed.
"Besides look at them!" Nicky gestured the Scissortwins who looked like they were about to cry. "They need a hug, the least we can do is help them out."
"Yo momma so nasty she sat in a Jacuzzi and the water turned to coffee!" Sledgehammer yelled at them.
"Well, yo momma so stank her Sure deodorant is confused and her Secret told on her!" Axel yelled back, much to his team's surprise.
"Ouch! That hurt! Good one Axel!" Nicky high-fived him.
Szayel nudged Namina. "Come on we can win this!"
"Okay, fine!" She snapped.
All four of them climbed into the ring.
"What are you doing?" The Scissorwoman asked.
"Backing you up!" Nicky replied. "Yo momma so big her belly button's got an echo!"
"Yo momma so stupid she spent hours looking at orange juice cause' the box said 'concentrate' " Corroder retorted.
"Yo momma so ugly she couldn't get laid in a monkey whore house with a sack of bananas!" Szayel laughed.
"Yo momma such a hoe, when you step on her feet her legs pop open!" Namina yelled.
"Yo momma so fat when she crosses the street, cars look out for her!" Ralph yelled, apparently recovered.
"….." Was all the other team had to say.
"Out of jokes?" Axel asked.
"We're not!" Namina snickered.
"Yo momma so fat every time she wears heels she strikes oil!" Jemima laughed.
"Hey I'm jealous!" Szayel yelled. "Yo momma's penis is bigger than mine!"
"Pwnage!" Nicky yelled.
Chopper let out a loud scream of frustration. "W-Well… Well… Y-Yo momma so ugly… when she comes up the sun goes down!" He yelled, a pathetic attempt at victory.
"Man! That snap's older than the crust in yo momma's underwear!" Nicky victoriously.
"FINE! You win!" Sledgehammer yelled. "You fucking win! Here!" He threw Demyx's sitar at them, Nnoitra's eye patch was tucked in neatly into it's cords. "Take it! Take it all! I'll retire, I'll do whatever you want! Just get the fuck outta here so I wont have to see your annoying faces again!" He yelled angrily.
Everyone's faces were a mix of shock and confusion.
"What the bloody fuck is going on here?!" A girl with short, ginger hair and a green school uniform asked in outrage.
"ALYSSA!" Came Sledgehammers voice.
"There she is!" Corroder yelled.
"You cant get away!" Chopper hissed.
The Rooder screamed at the top of her lungs before turning around and running in the opposite direction, the three subordinates ran after her.
"Okaaaayyyy…." Was all the other group had to say.
Jemima and Ralph looked at the strange people besides them.
"Don't kill me!" Axel screamed, hiding behind the other three.
"Um… Thanks, I guess." Jemima told them.
"It was fun!" Ralph continued.
"Hey, no problem, you guys are my favorite characters next to John- OH MY GOD!" Nicky cut herself off before running towards the door the stalkers had ran out of.
"I LOVE YOU, JOHNNY!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. "Okay, got that outta my system."
"Okaaayyy…" Ralph and Jemima spoke in unison.
"Well, you got your stuff back. We're gonna go chase Alyssa now." Jemima informed.
"Ta-ta!" Ralph waved before they both disappeared.
"Bye~!" Nicky and Namina waved.
Axel picked up the sitar. "What now?"
"HEY THAT'S MINE!" a new voice yelled before someone snatched the sitar.
"Uh, we know. We just got it for you." Szayel snapped at Demyx, who had appeared out of nowhere.
"Gimme that!" Nnoitra yelled snatching his eye-patch from the sitar.
"Nnoitra, Demyx! Did you see that pwnage?" Namina asked.
"Owned, baby!" Nnoitra laughed.
"Well, we gotta leave now. Thanks for everything, guys!" Demyx smiled at them as both he and Nnoitra started glowing slightly.
"Wait!" Nicky yelled running towards them.
She threw herself all over Demyx and planted her lips on his… hard. The Nobody's eyes widened and he tried to weasel out of her grasp to no avail. After 10, lip-locking seconds she released him and wiped her wet lips.
She turned to Nnoitra who took a defensive step back. "Um… I love you." She giggled as a blush crept onto her face. "But I cant kiss you cause you're twice my size and you frighten me." She blushed. "But know that I love you!" She yelled before she was abruptly pulled away by Namina, who shot her a soul-breaking death glare.
The stunned Arrancar and Nobody disappeared into the light.
"What is wrong with you?!" Namina yelled at her friend.
"Nothing now… I kissed Dem-Dem…" She replied in a daze. Her friend smacked her.
"Uh guys, the judges went poof." Axel informed.
"What?" Everyone asked.
"They're not here." He replied.
"Well who cares about them anyway?" Namina retorted.
"Yeah, you know guys. We did good. We're a good team." Szayel said.
"Yeah. Dudes, I need your myspace and facebook accounts! And your e-mails!" Nicky added.
"Wait!" Namina shouted. She looked around aimlessly. "How do we get home?"
Everyone was quiet.
(1) Tiraera is something us Puertorricans say when people are throwing insults at each other.