A/N: Hello everyone! I know it's been 2 years since I last updated this story, so I understand if nobody is interested in reading anymore. But if you do happen to read this chapter and enjoy it, I would really appreciate reviews so I know if the story is worth continuing or not. Enjoy!

Jake and the Beanstalk

(Original story: Jack and the Beanstalk)

"Once upon a time, there was a boy named Jake," Esme started.

"Oh no, you leave me out of this," Jacob interrupted. "Come on now, I just got brutally murdered!"

"Jacob, do you mind?" Edward asked, mockingly repeating Jacob's words from earlier.

Jacob made a sour face at him, but Esme continued on with a faint smile on her lips.

Jake lived in a nice house with his father on the beach. One day, Jake's father asked him to go to the grocery store to get some beans for the tacos he was making. He told Jake to take their old car and sell it in order to get the money for the beans.

"Wait a minute, how expensive are those beans he wants?" Emmett asked, confused.

"Would you shush?" Esme scolded.

"Yeah Uncle Emmett, shush!" Renesmee echoed, putting her finger to her lips.

Emmett pretended to zip his lips and throw away the key, and Esme went back to the story.

So Jake took the car and started heading to town for some beans. On the way, he decided to stop at the beach for a few minutes. While he was there, looking out over the ocean, a man approached him.

"Hello there," the man said. "Is that your car over there?" He pointed to the car Jake was supposed to sell.

"Yes, it is," Jake replied.

"I have some magic beans here," the man said, holding out a bag full of white beans. "I'll trade you."

"Sure," Jake said, taking the beans and handing the man the keys.

"Esme, how dumb do you think I am?" Jacob complained, a sour look on his face. "Yes, Mr. Stranger, I'll take your magic beans." He used air quotes around the last two words. "That's not at all creepy or anything…"

"Why the hell would he trade an entire car for beans?" Emmett asked, looking even more confused and somewhat irritated.

"Seriously, I am not that stupid," Jacob was still complaining.

"I disagree," Rosalie retorted. "I actually think Esme is boosting your intelligence with this story."

I sighed. Again with the bickering.

Rosalie turned to Esme. "Please, Esme, continue."

"Yeah, Grandma, please!" Renesmee begged.

"Beans for a car?"

"Uncle Emmett!" Renesmee shouted. We all flinched as her tiny, piercing voice rang through our ears. She climbed off of Esme's lap and walked over to him, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the doorway.

"What?" he asked, looking down at her.

"Come on," she grunted, pulling his hand with all her strength. "You have to leave. You're interrupting Grandma's story!"

Emmett tried to convince her to let him stay, but Edward and I both smirked as our daughter escorted Emmett's large frame from the room.

As Renesmee slammed the door on his retreating back, Jacob was still complaining. "I'm not just going to take 'magic beans' from some freaky beach hobo. I would never-" he was interrupted by one of Renesmee's tiny fingers over his lips. She climbed up in his lap and placed her hand over his mouth to get him to shut up.

She beamed. "Please continue, Grandma."

When Jake got home, he proudly took the beans to his father.

"Look Dad, I got the beans you asked for. But these ones are special. The man who gave them to me said they were magical." He held the beans out to his father.

His father turned to look at the beans, and then frowned. "Jake, I told you to get black beans. We can't use these!" He threw them out the window.

Later that night, after their pizza came and they had eaten, Jake went to bed. He felt bad that he had gotten the wrong kind of beans. He made plans to go to the store and get the right kind the next day. With that final thought, he drifted off to sleep.

"Esme," Edward interrupted.

She looked at him, surprised that he had been the one to interrupt her story this time. "Yes, Edward?"

Edward smiled. "Emmett is outside the door secretly listening, and he wants to know where Jake is going to get another car to trade for the can of beans the next day."

"Maybe he can trade one of his kidneys?" Alice suggested. We all laughed.

"Anyway," Esme tried, clearly hoping the question would be dropped. "The next morning Jake woke up and saw that a gigantic beanstalk had grown in the yard where his father had thrown the magic beans!"

Renesmee's eyes widened in anticipation.

Jake got dressed and walked outside, looking upward to see where it ended. But it reached far into the sky, the clouds covering the top. He wondered what was at the top, and thought about climbing up. But he was too lazy, so instead he went back inside to watch TV.

A few hours later, Jake was watching a funny show when he felt the floor begin to shake. It was an earthquake! He quickly jumped up off the couch, looking around to determine where the best place to hide was. Just as he had decided to get in one of the closets, there was a sudden blast of sunlight throughout the house. He looked up to see that the roof was collapsing.

He jumped down onto the floor, quickly getting into safety position to protect himself from the falling pieces of the roof. After a few moments, the shaking had stopped. He wondered why the roof had not fall on him, and slowly looked up.

Towering a hundred feet above him, there was a giant girl. She had dark hair that was styled into a pixie cut, and she was smiling cheerfully.

"Hello!" she said in a booming yet dainty voice.

"Hi?" he replied, shocked by her size.

"I haven't been down from my castle in the sky in months, not since my the last magic beanstalk had been cut down. I don't know why they were so afraid of me." She shrugged. "Anyway, where's the closest mall? I need to go shopping!" She exclaimed.

"Um… it's that way," Jake pointed.

"Thank you!" she sang. She gently placed the roof back on top of the house. Jake walked over to the window and watched her skip off towards the mall.

Renesmee clapped and giggled at the ending of the story. The rest of us simply stared at Esme, Jacob staring with his mouth hanging half open in horror.

Esme smiled back at Renesmee, thankfully not seeing the rest of our expressions. "See, now wasn't that a nice story?"

Renesmee giggled and shook her head yes. Esme walked over and kissed her tiny head, then walked out of the room.

As Esme exited, Emmett walked back into the room. "Seriously, Jacob, a car for beans?"

Please review if you want me to continue!