Small Penis

It was sinister, what he was about to do. Really. But he needed to ensure that his best friend would not go and abandon his sister.

Well, that and he was just absurdly angry at him for being such a nuisance for his cause.

So without further adieu, "You will obey my following commands…"

Euphemia is a smart princess. Everyone said so; even her big brother Schneizel told her so. And of course, being able to bag Kururugi Suzaku and to find her long lost cousins, she had no reasons to believe otherwise.

So it was to some shock to her system when, as she was sneaking into Ashford Academy, that she heard the following conversation.

"—Suzaku why did you do it?" Lelouch asked, frustrated by his friend's antics. "Now we need to clean up this mess and…" He sighed and ran his thin, feminine fingers through his hair, "What do you have to say for yourself?"

Unseen by Euphemia, a ring of red light appeared around both of Suzaku's pupils as his voice gained a slight mechanical tone and his body became rigid. All of which flew over Euphemia's pretty, pink head.

"I-I… Because Britannians have large penis!" Suzaku shouted as his voice suddenly gained a strange yet Asian accent.

"Okay, Suzaku—Wait, what?" Lelouch did a double take and asked again with narrowed eyes, "What did you just say?"

"Britannians have very big penis! Humungous!" Suzaku replied mechanically as he made a large… shape… in the air with his hands.

"Suzaku, you don't have to play to stereotypes, just because you're in the army—" But Lelouch was cut off by Suzaku as he pulled his pants down. "—Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, buddy."

Euphemia stalked—er, that is to say—listened from around the corner and peaked just when Suzaku pulled down his pants. To say she was disappointed is to say that the Pope makes the world safe for pedophiles.

It was much later that a panicking Cornelia found Euphemia chugging tequilas and crying, "It's smaller than half my pinkie!"

From the shadows, the green haired woman sighed and spoke up in a casual tone, "That was a very mean thing to do to your friend, you know?"

"Oh?" The amused tone of a Zero who had just been rolling on his bed giggling like a school girl asked, "And why is that?"

"Your ability changes your victims so that they would follow your orders on the letter." She paused for dramatic effect, "To almost supernatural levels."

Gears turned in Lelouch's head as he processed this information, "So when I told him to show Euphemia the smallest penis in Japan…" He trailed off as his eyes widened.

"Yes." C.C. nodded, "He is the smallest dick in Japan."