Warning: Spoilers for episode s02e11
Hi, just saw the newest episode, really loved it! I couldn't help writing this.
Gillian sat on the bench and watched Cal coming towards her quickly with Helen on his tail. She sighed inwardly. She didn't know what to think of this whole thing. Was he seeing things that weren't there? Was he so hurt in his pride that this indeed was his revenge? Somehow she couldn't believe that. But as minutes went by and his actions became more idiotic she couldn't help wander if this was more a case about his hurt ego then anything else indeed.
Gillian watched as Cal walked to another tree to put the paper on she'd just reluctantly given him. She stood up and felt the need to defend him towards Helen. Because that woman too was not at all charmed by his behaviour.
'The thing about Cal is he's…' She began to explain.
'Insufferable.' Helen filled in for her.
'No…' Gillian quickly said, the word left her mouth before her brain had a chance to react. 'Well, yeah some….' She sighed deep. Yes, he was insufferable, he could be. God knew he had pushed her many times. It made her tired. Again. '… Sometimes.' But he was a good man, a very good man. With a good warm heart.
They watched how he walked to another tree to put the flyer on.
'God, has he always been like this?' Gillian had wondered about that many times. He could be so energetic, and if he had something in his head he just went for it. No matter what others seemed to think. No matter if everyone thought that he was wrong, like now for example. Does that grow on a man? Or was he even worse when he was younger?
'Yes… Only more so.' Helen answered.
Cal was like a tornado. He…
'A word.' Helen said as she interrupted Gillian's struggling thoughts.
'He's not someone for the long haul.' Helen said.
'O no no no no! We're not a…' Gillian quickly spat out. She wasn't having a relationship with Cal, she wasn't romantically involved with Cal. However could Helen think such a thing? Maybe because Helen herself had been involved with him. Gillian wasn't. She really wasn't. And wouldn't be. Of course not. She smiled at the idea alone, at the naivety of this woman to think such a thing. Gillian was professional. She wouldn't be involved with Cal. Haa, just the thought!
'Just…. keep your distance, or you could find yourself a very lonely woman.' Helen said as she broke off Gillian's denial.
Gillian studied Helen's face as her thoughts had stopped instantly. She went to stand on her other foot to steady herself. And although her thoughts were shouting at herself that the idea of Helen saying a thing like that, thinking that she could be involved with Cal seemed very preposterous and far fetched, she couldn't deny the sinking empty feeling that settled from her chest towards her stomach and left her breathless for a moment.
Helen left and Gillian looked away momentarily. Then she followed the woman shortly with her gaze. The psychologist in her took over, wandering what had happened between Cal and Helen. Wandering, what was still happening, did he still feel something for her?
She looked back at Cal who was talking to a student now as he gave her the flyer. Helen had been involved with him. And she could so imagine how wonderful that would be. Gillian pursed her lips together as she breathed in deeply.
But it could never be. She had known that all along. All these years. Nothing could happen. And now, now they were both single, still nothing could happen. Because she feared that Helen was right. That he wasn't for the long haul. She'd get hurt. And maybe it wouldn't even be his intention to hurt her, he just couldn't help it. Just like he couldn't help being a tornado like right about now.
"He's not someone for the long haul. You could find yourself a very lonely woman." The words kept spinning around in her head.
Gillian breathed in deeply when she saw Cal coming in. She was so glad that he was alright. And she felt guilty. He had been right all along. And she hadn't seen it. She had rolled her eyes at him numerous time, hadn't been very supportive at all. He had been right. Just the more reason to like him even more. She liked how expertly he was. How he could help people, how he was so strong to keep going after what he thought was right. So she apologized in her own way. And when she stood in front of him and she saw the soft look on his face, all she wanted to do is run her hands through his short hair. How would his skin feel under her hands? How would his softened eyes look when she… No. The line. She should remember that. She'd end up lonely. Just like Helen had said.
So the moment he asked her if she wanted to grab a bite her heart made a flip and her stomach filled with warmth as she felt a tingling sensation travel up her spine she took a step back.
She needed to distance herself. He was getting too close.
It was not meant to be.
'Another time then.' Cal had said.
She opened her mouth. 'Yeah.' She shook her head. 'Another time.' Her stomach constricted as she felt numb, cold and alone. 'I'm glad you're okay.'
'Night then.' Cal said as he left.
'Night.' She said in a sweet voice as she watched him leave. She tilted her head to one side in frustration as she held on to a piece of paper in her hands. She loved him, she truly loved him extremely much…..
I so think Gillian was taking her distance at the end because of fear. That she really did want to go with Cal. That what Helen said made her think of what she's afraid of. What do you think?