I tossed and turn in bed for hours as sleep evade me despite the disturbing incident I've had with Andre early this evening. It was dark in my room and I could not see the huge grandfather's clock against the wall but I assume it must be close to midnight as I stare at the brilliant full moon shining, beckoning...watching from the French windows of my bedroom.
I dried the last remnants of tears in my sapphire eyes with the pink kerchief Andre has given me for my 18th birthday. For the last seven years I have treasured it, kept it in my bosom or pocket hidden beneath my Royal Guard Uniform. It was one of the few feminine chattels I possess and cherish for it was a gift from my best friend.
I hugged the soft pillow against my cheek as Andre's handsome face invaded my mind. How could my best friend attempt to ravish me, he whom I trusted, he whom I love like a brother I never had. I should be angry...should despise him for his onslaught but why couldn't I? The answer stared me straight in the eye. It was because I love him.
For a moment I trembled with fear. Terrified of what lay ahead as he tore my garments off my tender body but I had no strength to fight him. I who fought rebels who dare defy the king, I an adept master swordsman...brave... strong...competent... felt weak at his touch...powerless against his passion...vulnerable as I felt the ardent look in his charcoal-coloured eyes grazing at my feminine form.
His aggression and vehemence startled me. I stared at him in bewilderment... beseeching him with my eyes not to hurt me. And true to his gentle nature, my loving, kind-hearted friend seemed to have been doused by cold water. He let me go as though the mere contact of our skins scalded him with torturing heat. I looked away from his beautiful dark eyes glistening with tears as I listened to his poignant apology. I felt his gentle hands pull up the comforter to cover my trembling body. I love you, Oscar, he whispered as I felt his gentle hands caress my cheek, wiping my tears away. I'm sorry.
I should have whispered back that I love him and not Axel von Fersen but my astonishment from his sudden onslaught kept me speechless. For some time I lay unmoving on my bed, staring at the door long after Andre has gone. Now as the moonlight bathed me with kisses from the bedroom window, I found myself longing for his kiss, yearning for his touch, I never knew such tender ravishment.
A saw a shooting star grazed the midnight blue sky like angry lightning on a stormy night. I wish Andre would know that I love him too. I blinked my eyes a few times as I felt myself getting drowsy.I drew my comforter tighter around me as I snuggle deeper into the covers. I love you, Andre.
A deep voice sent my eyelids fluttering open in no time. I love you, too, Oscar, the voice replied back. I gasped as I sat up in bed and found Andre standing beside my bed with a tender look in his eye, a warm smile escaping his lips.
"H...how long have you been standing there?" I asked in a quivering voice.
Without waiting for an invitation, he sat on my bed beside me. "I couldn't sleep. I felt ashamed and guilty... I want to see how you are..." he explained in low voice without looking at me.
"I'm fine. No permanent damage done," I smiled, trying to reassure him.
He remained silent as he sat on my bed staring at the wall. I touched his left shoulder reassuringly. "Let's just forget it happened, Andre. I knew you were sorry."
He suddenly looked at me fervently. "You don't understand, Oscar. I love you and want you. You have no idea how often I lie awake at night thinking of you, wondering if your soft red lips would taste as sweet as strawberries, wondering how your body would feel beneath mine. I longed to hear your cries of pleasure as you whisper my name against tender kisses. Oh, Oscar, forgive, me."
He suddenly engulfed me in a tight embrace. I could feel his tears caress my bare back, my bare breast crushed against his muscular torso. Despite his warm shirt I could feel his body clench at my touch. I welcomed his embrace as I ran my fingers on his raven hair. "There's nothing to be sorry about, Andre. I love you too. Please make love to me," I whispered.
His response was a hungry kiss on my lips as he pushed me back against the pillows. I could feel my heart-beat hammering loudly. I was afraid it would wake the entire household. I shivered as I felt his strong hands discard my undergarments. "Do not be afraid, Oscar. I will not hurt you. I will only love you," he said.
I looked into his eyes illuminated by the brilliant moon. I knew he was telling the truth. He discarded his shirt and I saw the medallion I gave him on his 21st birthday years ago dangling on his neck. I hugged him fiercely, resting my cheek on his bare chest. How blind I've been all these years. How could I not have known he loved me and why have I not returned his love sooner?
His chin rested on my head as his fingers ran through my golden mane. We sat in silence embracing each other beneath the moonlight, both contented to relish the presence of the other so close.