"Peyton, it's bad, it's really bad. Bryce is dead."
It only took those damn words for both me and my world to come crumbling down, the world with Bryce went flashing before my very eyes, and the pieces were just too damn small to pick up.
(trust me good men I have tried and every one of them have failed, only he can help me now and he's six feet under)
For days after, each day spent with nothing but his face glued to my mind (everything reminded me of him), I tried to keep those tears back hoping that he would come prancing through my door like every other time.
(making up another story for the late nights and the mysterious business trips but this time I wouldn't give a damn just hold him tight)
If I kept these eyes dry, locked on the door hoping to catch a glimpse of those baby blues calling out my name, then every bit of this would not be true but it was not long before I lost that battle and found myself crying like a damn child.
(I had days' worth of tears to cry and it did so until I was bleed dry)
"Bryce, you son of a bitch, how could you?"
He was worth every one of those tears, which made it all the more real (that he was never coming through my door ever again), and I would keep believing that even after the truth came brawling in.
(it does sting especially in the heart)
"Miss Peyton Sawyer, I'm bad news for a girl like you. Why can't you just give up on me and leave like all the rest of them?"
(unknown at the time but he was thinking of Sarah who had been hurt just as bad as I had when he took his last breath)
After getting over the reunion, which is always filled with wide grins reaching to the sky and back and lots of lip action, part of the visit it always ended with him telling me what a bad guy he truly was and me not believing a word of it.
"I guess I'm not like the rest of them, Bryce, because I'm not able to give up on you. I-I love you too much to do that to you."
To make my point crystal clear I grabbed hold of his hands, those which I planned never to let go of when he was with me, and pulled him to me.
"And that's why I can't keep myself from coming back to you each and every time I come home, because, babe, you are home to me."
I thought that my mind was playing a wicked game with me, as my eyes feel on the very man I had only just began mourning (tears spilling over a fresh grave site), but as I got closer I knew that it was not a ghost but the real thing.
(no bullets littering his chest just that same smile and baby blues eyes)
Instead of growing a smile myself, the one that I had started making for him alone those long months ago, I let out tears filled with anger and pushed the man who had made weep over him until I couldn't left my fists anymore.
(remembering those nights laced with misery with hate)
"How could you so this to me? Let me believe you were dead, let me cry, let me suffer for no reason?"
I could see his very own set of tears growing in his eyes, those eyes that I had spent days remembering with so much damn love that it hurt (hurt this sore heart of mine), and I couldn't bring myself to hit him anymore.
(seeing that he had already been hurt by so many others and I wasn't about to make that list)
"Peyton, I don't expect you to forgive me, I never did. I just wanted you to know that I was alive and still very much in love with you."
Chest sore from my fists, each hit not hitting the target they wanted, his heart (hoping to hurt him just as much he hurt me), he started to turn away trying to make me another one of the girls that gave up on him and I wasn't going to have that.
(those lies of his hurt like a bitch but I had to get over the pain because I wasn't about to stop loving him)
"Even in death I did not stop loving you, Bryce, and just because of one damn lie I'm not going to give up on you. That's what you want and I'm going to give you the satisfaction."
I pulled him back to me, showing him that I was not going to leave him and he could stop the whole act, and held the man that I had dreamed of having back in my arms since he had gone and died on me.
(knowing that I was lucky because I got to hold him again even after his death certificate was signed)