*Insert crashing, banging, and girly screams*
Jasper: Our author is currently unavailable due to previous engagements with another character. *ducks to avoid flying stapler* I am here to say that the excerpt from A Series of Unfortunate Events and any storyline references to it are by Lemony Snicket…I think. Now, please help yourself to my author's writing while I keep Stripes from shredding her. Excuse me. *bows and disappears**off-screen:* All right, that's IT! *insert drilling sound* BREAK IT UP BEFORE I-
"Hey boss!" Hugo called from the next tent. "Colette won't share her dental floss!"
"There's no reason to use dental floss," Count Olaf said, "Unless you're trying to strangle someone with a very weak neck."
"Kevin, would you do me a favor?" the hook-handed man asked as Sunny struggled to open the jar of juice. "Will you help me comb my hair? These hooks make it difficult sometimes."
"I'm jealous of your hooks," Kevin replied. "Having no hands is better than having two equally strong hands."
"Don't be ridiculous," one of the white-faced women replied. "Having a white face is worse that both your situations."
"But you have a white face because you put makeup on," Colette said. "You're putting powder on your face right now!"
From across the room, Jasper grinned at Shadow's expression as he read book ten in A Series of Unfortunate Events. She couldn't quite place it, but it was the kind of look you'd see on someone who just witnessed a herd of rabid jellybeans chasing the Pink Panther and demanding a maternity leave.
"Trying to make sense of it?" she guessed, an eyebrow raised in amusement.
Shadow squinted at the book. "…A two-year-old, who's only talent is biting, is cooking a gourmet meal on top of a mountain for villains who are arguing about the uses of dental floss." He looked up at her, adorning a pained expression. "Why am I reading this again?"
"Because you refuse to relearn how to walk," Jasper explained, giving him a pointed look. "I suggest you do so before you get an aneurism."
Shadow immediately frowned, and returned to the book. "I'll take my chances.
Jasper sighed. "Stripes, this is getting ridiculous. It's been two months since I carved your crutches, and you haven't seen sunlight in six. You need fresh air!"
"Then open the window."
Jasper frowned. "That's not what I meant and you know it."
Shadow ignored her, stubbornly burying his head in his book. It was actually a very entertaining story, if one ignored the impossible-ness of it all.
Jasper stared hard at him, her eyes boring into his forehead. He hated it when she did that. It meant she was either about to force him into something, or was planning to in the near future.
After a few seconds, he heard her march out the front door, slamming it behind her, and relaxed slightly, convinced his torment was meant for another day. Three minutes later, she returned with something that didn't rise above the height of the couch and sounded like it had wheels. It was hard to tell, since most of the sound was muffled by carpet.
He didn't have to wonder for long though, as Jasper instantly rounded the couch and wheeled the thing right beside him. He glanced up nonchalantly from his book, feigning disinterest. He stared.
Shadow's first thought was curiosity. From what Jasper had told him, they were in the middle of nowhere. Where in the world would she get something like this? This was answered by a memory of her mentioning a town a couple of miles away. She must've gotten it on one of her numerous trips.
The second emotions were stubbornness and outright rebellion. He folded his arms and glared at her. "I don't think so."
The third emotion was a lingering dread edged with irritation. Jasper was in one of her moods, the ones that happened every so often, when the wolf grew tired of waiting for something to happen and decided to take matters into her own hands. Shadow knew that there was no force on heaven or earth that could keep her from getting him in that wheelchair.
However, his pride would be pulverized it she managed to lift him off that couch without a struggle, so he sunk low into the couch, making himself as heavy as possible.
Without a word, Jasper grabbed a hold of both his arms and gave him a sharp tug. Anticipating this, Shadow threw himself further into the couch at the same time, so that her force was met and matched. The wolf paused for a second, thinking, and then rounded the couch and tugged at his feet, sliding him off the couch.
Shadow instantly latched both arms onto the side and back of the couch and held on for dear life. Throwing her weight into her efforts, Jasper managed to lift his whole body into the air, so that the strength in his arms was the only thing keeping him from flying toward her.
Let us pause for a moment of review. Robotnic's gismo sucked all of the strength out of the ebony hedgehog, leaving him completely paralyzed. Since then, the only time he ever had to really exercise his arms was during two previous battles with Jasper. Now, these arms had to not only support his weight, but also hold against Jasper-in-one-of-her-moods' strength.
The amount of time he held on was a testament to his willpower. It was so long that Jasper gave up and released him to try another approach. Shadow tried to control the decent of his arms, instead of letting them flop uselessly to his sides like the noodles they now were, so that Jasper wouldn't repeat her previous tactic.
Jasper frowned at her stubborn friend, yes friend. Shadow had officially made it onto that short list, though she wasn't sure when exactly. She thought for a moment before deciding that if she tugged on him long enough, she could eventually wear out his stamina. Again, she firmly gripped his arms and pulled, this time bracing her feet onto the side of the couch and throwing herself backward. Shadow wrapped his fingers around her wrists, gathered up his strength, and gave her a massive tug.
Caught off guard, Jasper's leverage vanished and she went flying toward him. The hedgehog was ready for her, and immediately wrapped his arms around her, trapping her. He was, of course, relying on the strength of his hands which now had a firm grip on the sofa underneath them. His arms were still noodles.
Shadow fully expected Japer to struggle, and was mildly surprise when she just smiled at him. No, she smirked. Shadow swallowed, suddenly aware of how close her face was.
The wolf tsked, resting her chin against his fluffy white chest. "Now, Stripes. Don't you remember what happened last time you trapped me?" Shadow's eyes widened, betraying his panicked expression as his mind revisited the event.
Shadow froze in shock, his brain completely shutting down. What...what was she...? And then she tightened her hold on him, and the hedgehog couldn't think at all. It took a few moments for reality to kick in. She was kissing him! The sudden wave of panic he felt jump-started his brain, and he managed to shove her away from him and scramble backwards.
Jasper grinned as Shadow's face bore a sudden resemblance to a tomato. Oh, he remembered alright, and she could tell from the look of horror on his face that he wasn't planning on letting it happen again anytime soon. She had no intention of letting him know she had similar intentions. Now all she needed to do was scare him a little, just enough to freak him out and get him to shove her away. The memory of what happened last time should be enough.
The wolf made a big show of leaned closer ever so slowly, watching Shadow's eyes widen to their limit as his blush spread. His head sunk further into the couch, desperate to escape, yet refusing to let go. He knew that if he let her win this time, she would use the same method again later.
The hedgehog felt a dose of irritation poor in his panicked mind at the thought. He couldn't stand it when she manipulated him like this! What was worse was the fact that it was working. He hated how much control she had over him.
As the wolf lay her forehead against his, Shadow desperately tried to focus, hardly believing he was even considering his current thought. Why did the kiss freak him out so much, anyway? He told himself that it was just a little more contact than he was used to, and, logically, it shouldn't be that big of a deal. Therefore, Jasper couldn't use this threat against him.
So why was it working, a part of him yelled. It wasn't, he thought firmly, and he was more than ready to give his tormentor a dose of her own medicine! His irritation gave him enough motivation to suddenly lean forward and do just that.
Jasper froze in shock, hardly registering the situation as Shadow kissed her, hard. Shadow was-Shadow-Shadow was kissing her! Why in the world was he-! A squeak escaped her throat as she tried to pull away, but Shadow wasn't having it. His hands released the couch, one moving to the back of her head while the other encircled her shoulders, holding her in place as the strength miraculously returned to his arms.
Effectively trapped, Jasper could only lay there as Shadow's mouth moved against hers with a passion born of unending frustration. His sole purpose was to scare the willies out of her, and he wasn't letting her go until he was sure she'd leave him alone for the rest of eternity.
It was then, of course, that his mind caught up to his actions, and he became aware of the ark of electricity making his heart rate go haywire. The title wave of pleasant emotions that accompanied them knocked him back to his senses. This didn't happen before. Before, it was pure revulsion, but now…
Her small hands lingered on his large one as a phrase she once said echoed through both their heads. "I really do care."
Was it because they had gotten closer? Either way Shadow was now quite certain that her willies had fled and she wouldn't bother him for at least several days. It would have to do.
Shadow released her, resisting the temptation to shove her away. Finally free, Jasper launched backward, thumping against the other side of the couch. There, she stared, her mind a puddle and her insides in knots as her emotions ping-ponged around uncontrollably inside her.
Feeling his determination wither, Shadow forced his frazzled brain into submission and put on a uncaring, slightly annoyed expression. "I'm afraid that trick won't work on me anymore."
Jasper's mind seemed to no longer be capable of coherent thought. She stared at him for a full two-and-a-half minutes, too overwhelmed by the chaos raging inside her to notice. Then, she stood in a daze, and turned toward the kitchen without a word.
Shadow, meanwhile, had suddenly remembered why he'd been so against the kiss. It caused an adrenalin rush that lingered for several hours, and the intensity of the multiple emotions inside him was unnatural. This reaction was something he couldn't possibly logic out and he therefore wanted nothing to do with it's cause.
He was trying to stifle said reaction when,
"Waaait a mi- …Ohhhhh, no you don't!" Jasper snarled, whirling around and marching back towards him. Shadow suddenly wanted to sick into the couch. She. Looked. Ticked.
Jasper was beside him in an instant. Not giving him time to protest, she lifted him off the sofa with the strength of a bear and half-threw him into the wheelchair. Then, she leaned in close, her nose inches from his face. "You. Need. Fresh. Air."
Shadow leaned so far back he nearly tipped the wheelchair. He wrapped his fingers around it's armrests, half-expecting wolf-zilla to throw him out the nearest window, chair and all.
He certainly wasn't expecting her to smirk. "Didn't think I'd give up that easily, didja?" She stood up and folded her arms, lifting her chin with an air of superiority. "If their's one thing you should've learned by now, it's that in a battle of wills, I'll always be victorious."
Internally, Shadow was for one extremely thankful of Jasper's mood-swings. Externally, he frowned. "I beg to differ."
Jasper when into a thoughtful pose, dramatically humming in thought. "Hmm…Let's see now…Should I list my winnings? Or how about I put in writing?" She snapped her fingers. "That's it! I'll make a written record of every time I win, so that next time you say that, I'll have proof! For now, though, you're just going to have to take my word for it." Grinning, she spun Shadow's chair around.
"Hey!" the hedgehog shouted, suddenly thrown to the side. "Watch it!"
Ignoring him, Jasper wheeled him toward the doorway. Now that he was facing away from her, her expression of triumph crumbled. Ho-ly. Newspapers. He had-Shadow had…Shadow. The most anti-contact person she'd ever met. Had kissed her. Her. The most annoying person in his life so far. He'd kissed her! Kissed! On the lips!
And just when he had started becoming predictable! Oh, gosh, what had he been thinking? What was he thinking? Did he even care? Or had the event already been discarded into the pile of things he wouldn't bother to remember? And what if he did care? Was he feeling the same affects she was? Was he thinking about it now? Did he regret it? Did he-
Said wolf jumped a few feet at Shadow's irritated yell and glanced down to see the object of her thoughts had turned in his chair and was glaring up at her.
"Any day now," he growled.
Jasper blinked and looked around, suddenly realizing she'd stopped moving at the threshold of the door.
"Well?" Shadow demanded impatiently. "Are we going or what?"
Jasper shook her head slightly, pushing her spazzed questions into the back of her mind, and grinned down at him. "What, so you're eager now, are you?"
Shadow faced forward once more, glaring at the closed door in front of them. "I'm eager to not sit here with you standing above me for the rest of eternity."
Jasper tsked, shaking her head. "Stripes, my friend, patience is a virtue."
"So is unidleness."
"Actually, it's not. You're thinking of diligence."
"No, it isn't," Jasper argued. "Besides, 'unidleness' isn't even a word."
"Yes, it is."
Jasper scoffed. "In what world?"
"Your world is grammatically incorrect."
"So is yours."
"…Touché." Jasper grinned. "Well, ready to see where we live?"
Shadow raised an eyebrow. We?
Without another word, Jasper skipped in front of him and dramatically threw open the door.
Me: Arg! I tried really, REALLY hard not to write the kiss scene! I even started writing something else as substitution, but that scene just HAD TO BE WRITTEN!
Shadow: *gasp, cough, wheeze* I *pant* I despise you.
Me: At the moment, I believe him. I can only speak while Shadow get's his second wind. Then it's RUN AWAAAAAAAAY!