A/N: I doubt anyone is reading this anymore, but in case there is someone out there that is, just know the rating is going up on this one! Consider this chapter a hard R – not planned at all, but its how it came out and I don't usually fight my brain or my muse. This chapter focuses solely on Spencer and Ashley.
Mine to Love Again
Chapter 9: Show me Love
Spencer is kissing me.
And not just a little peck either. She is full on devouring my mouth with hers, upper body pressed tightly against mine, one hand buried in my hair. I'm so stunned it takes me a moment to return the kiss, but when I do, I'm melting into her fully. My hands rest on her naked thighs, fingers pressing into the warm flesh so I can somehow ground myself. I can't remember when a kiss tasted so good or felt so overwhelming. It's got hints of the past but the experience of years apart is also present. If she was a good kisser before, she was incredible now.
And before my mind can wonder who she practiced so much with, I run my hands up to her hips and pull her even closer against me, moaning into her mouth. This feels so wonderful I can't get enough of her taste. I suck on her tongue wantonly and rub mine over it slowly. Unable to stop, and because she needs to know I'm no pussy as she said, I move my hands up and under her tank, running my nails over the soft skin of her stomach.
If things keep going like this, we're in trouble because I won't have the strength to stop. I've wanted her for too long and missed her too much to stop if she wants to keep on going. I know nothing is solved, I know we haven't talked about the future, but if Spencer wants to keep going, I'm all for it.
The answer is given to me a moment later when she breaks the kiss and looks into my eyes. Hers are hooded and dilated already, which takes my breath away. Her lips, wet and swollen, have me licking mine. I want to kiss her again but as I move forward, she moves back a little more, just out of my reach. I frown, but then her hands are at the hem of her tank top and she is pulling it up and over her head.
She's not wearing a bra and I feel myself getting dizzy, eyes immediately going to her perfect breasts.
"Oh, fuck, Spence," I whisper unable to tear my eyes away.
My hands move and tighten at her back as I lower my head and take one of the hardened buds into my mouth, loving how she arches into me wantonly. Her fingers are now buried in my hair as she offers herself to me. Hoping I don't screw this up, I wrap my arms even tighter around her and stand up. If I'm going to make love to her, it better be in our bed.
You heard right. That is our bed and I need to reacquaint myself with it.
She gasps a little and holds on to me as her legs wrap around my waist. Thank God for the many workouts I do a week since they keep me in such good shape. Walking as quickly as I can towards the bedroom, my heart is hammering inside of my chest. I never expected this to move so fast, but it should have occurred to me at some point. Spencer and I have never been able to resist each other for long. I guess in the back of my mind I had hoped this would happen at some point, but I didn't want to really think about it in case it never did.
Putting a knee on the unmade bed - thank God! – I lower her down and take a moment to take off my tank and then lower myself over her, moaning as our naked chests touch for the first time in four years. Burying my head in the crook of her neck, I take a moment because I'm shaking and nervous and completely overwhelmed. I don't know why I'm so emotional all of a sudden, tears pricking at my eyes as it hits me that this is really happening.
I could kick my own ass for this moment of weakness, but the second she notices she turns us around and hovers over me, her expression full of love and understanding. She still knows me so well. She pecks my lips softly again and uses her fingers to dry my tears as they break free from the corners of my eyes.
"Shh, love, its okay. We don't have to go further than this," she offers and I fall even more in love with her, something that I never thought possible until now. But it seems that is going to be the way things will always flow between us. She will always do something that will make me fall harder and deeper. My heart knows no bounds when it comes to this amazing woman.
"I don't want to stop, Indie. I'm just so emotional right now. Everything is hitting me at once and it's a little overwhelming."
No need to lie to her anymore. She knows how I'm feeling anyways.
"I know. It's overwhelming for me as well, but I can't fight this anymore. I never expected this would happen so soon, but I can't help but want you and I don't want to stop either, Pete. I've miss you and this," she confesses.
"We don't have to stop. We can figure the rest out later. But you need to know one thing, Spence; I'm never giving you up again. I'm in this for keeps now, for better or worse. I can't love anyone else when I've always just loved you," are my heartfelt words. Cupping her face, I make sure she is looking right into my eyes. "I love you, Spencer Carlin, I never stopped."
Bringing her face back down, I pour every single feeling I have into the kiss as I turn us over once more, pushing her legs apart and settling between them. One of my hands moves down to cup her hip as I press myself harder into her core, wanting to feel as much of her as I can.
I knew she loved me, I did. She had even told me so last night. Everything has always pointed to it as well. But hearing it again, so passionately from her lips, was like a balm for whatever wounds were still open inside of me.
I can't believe this is actually happening. When I woke up this morning I had one thing in mind: hashing things out with Ash and making some decisions that would benefit us both. But never did I think we would end up in our bed, about to make love. And there wasn't a damn thing I would do to stop it from happening. I had missed her for far too long and wanting her just came naturally to me.
As our bodies rubbed against one another, as our kisses grew in length, I just gave myself over to her. I let instincts take over as my hands started reacquainting themselves with her body, going for the spots I remembered and wanting to find new ones. I wasn't the inexperienced girl she had once had, I was bringing experience to the table now, and I was going to make sure it was put to good use.
As she started kissing down the side of my neck, I pushed my hands under her boxer shorts and squeezed her ass as my hips grounded into hers.
"I missed you and this so much," I tell her again, because it's so true. "I can't believe it's taken this long."
She lifted her head to look down at me again, so many emotions swirling in her eyes. "Don't think about it that way, baby, just think we're together right now and the past is done with. We're going to fix this. We have to because I can't live without you."
I couldn't respond because she took my mouth in another searing kiss that made it impossible to think. I would just let my body speak for myself. Pushing the boxers down as far as I could I ran my nails up the back of her thighs and over her ass cheeks. Tracing her spine, I ended back up at her hair, the soft tresses curling around my fingers.
She breaks the kiss and goes for my neck again. I tilt my head to the side and give her better access. Her mouth is truly magical, finding all the little spots that make me whimper and gasp, nibbling her way to my shoulder and collarbone. She sooths every nip with a pass of her tongue as one of her hands plays with my nipple.
I'm afraid before this is over I'm going to go into sensory overload because it feels like she is all over at the same time and it still doesn't seem to be enough.
"Ash, take off your shorts," I beg, my voice broken. "I want to feel all of you, baby."
She manages to tear herself away from my neck and kneels between my legs, pushing the shorts all the way down and throwing them behind her. Mine follow right away and she just sits there a moment, looking down at me, eyes roaming hungrily over every inch of my body. Her hands are resting on my thighs, fingers flexing softly against the muscle. I'm taking this time to take her in as well, thinking she's never looked so damn hot.
This is really happening. And she's not going to stop us. I think I just lost my damn mind, or whatever was left of it, when I saw her fully naked and ready for me.
I never planned on this happening right away, but I'll never be able to deny her. I love and want her too much.
"Ash," she calls and I tear my eyes away from her body to look at her face.
"Yeah, babe?" I answer absently, my eyes trailing down over the soft swells of her breasts, down her stomach and further down to her smooth sex.
"Stop thinking about it," she urges. "Just stop thinking all together and love me."
Her voice is husky with arousal and I can feel a sudden current of electricity run down my spine and settle on my lower back. Settling back down on top of her, I moan softly as our naked bodies come into full contact and her legs spread to make room for me. Instinctively, I grind into her and she responds by hooking a leg behind my thigh to keep me close.
"You feel so good," she whispers as her mouth seeks mine.
I respond by opening my mouth and letting her explore, her movements unhurried, and I just give myself to her. While we're kissing, I run one of my hands down the side of her body, making sure to brush my thumb over her nipple. As I trail my fingers over her ribcage, I finally break the kiss and go for her neck, nipping and sucking on the skin lightly. I'm really tempted to mark her, but I control myself and decide not to. She'd probably have my ass if someone was to notice and ask.
As my fingers near her hip bone, I move so I'm straddling her thigh. Running my nails over her pelvis bone, I move lower still, lifting my head for a moment to look at her. Her eyes are closed and her chest is starting to heave a little, all signs that she is really aroused. As I slide my finger down her slit, I groan, finding more wetness there than I had anticipated to begin with.
"Fuck, baby, you're so wet."
She opens her eyes and those baby blues that have always been my undoing lock onto mine. "You sound surprised," she whispered.
"It's been a long time, Indie. I wasn't sure anymore if you'd ever want me again," I confess, baring my very soul to her.
My finger is still moving slowly up and down her folds and I can't believe we're having a conversation right now about my insecurities.
She cups my face and pulls me closer to her. She brushed my lips with hers so softly I can barely feel it before looking deep into my eyes again.
"I'll always want you, Ashley. I never stopped. Not in all of these years and I don't think I'll ever stop wanting you."
Tears fill my eyes as I nod dumbly, thanking every deity above that this woman still feels so much for me after the things that have happened.
"I love you," I whisper reverently before closing the distance between us again and kissing her.
There is no more talking from that point on. I decide its best right now to just show her how I feel because not even in my wildest dreams had I anticipated this and maybe we're rushing into it, but it doesn't feel wrong. It's always been me and her. Spencer and Ashley. As it if was written on the stars, as if we were born to love each other. And while I know nothing is yet resolved, while we haven't even put a name to what is happening, I love her and I know she loves me back. There will be time to talk more later. Right now we need to come together this way.
I make sure to take my time, kissing every inch of silky skin I encounter, letting my hands and mouth reacquaint themselves with her body. It's new and familiar at the same time and it isn't until she starts begging me that my fingers fill her and we both moan because it feels like coming home again. Her muscles clench tightly around my fingers, and I feel a little lightheaded.
It isn't long before my mouth is on her center, my tongue remembering spots she likes in particular as I promise myself to find new ones. Her taste explodes in my mouth and I moan deeply because I really had thought I'd never get to have her like this again. I'm so grateful that she's allowing me to love her that tears seep from the corners of my eyes as my mouth worships her with renewed intensity.
And then she's falling apart in my arms and the noises she makes are like music to my ears. I swear I almost came myself when I opened my eyes just in time to see her tumble over the edge, back arching off of the bed, heels digging into the mattress on either side of my waist, and fingers gripping the sheets desperately.
It's a beautiful sight and as I move up her body once more it really dawns on me again: I am home. Because no matter whom she's been with, who I've been with, to me Spencer is my home and always will be.
She looks at me when I reach her face and there is a satisfied smile on her lips. I return it with one of my own.
"You look so beautiful right now," I tell her as I brush some wisps of hair that are sticking to her slightly sweaty forehead to the side.
Her smile grows and her eyes seem to sparkle as she lifts her head and pecks my lips. "That was incredible, Ash. I didn't know how much I missed it until just now."
"No regrets then? I know this happened kind of fast and nothing is resolved."
She shakes her head lightly. "No regrets. We're done with those now. It's time to fix this once and for all because there is no way in hell I'm ever going to let you go."
She surprises me by turning us around and then she is hovering over me with a little predatory look in her eyes and I have to say I approve. The rest of my thoughts fly out of my head as she lowers her head and starts kissing me again. Right now is just easier to give into her because I've been starving for her touch for four long years and I now longer have to wait.