Title: Operation: Stake It to Ted
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother
Pairing: Barney/Robin (but really more like the gang as a whole)
Word Count: 601
Summary: The gang discuss Twilight, and whether or not Ted has read it. (Spoiler alert: he has.)
A/N: Written for the Shiny Happy Comment Ficathon on lj - this version corrects a few typos in the original. This was all meant in fun- no offense is intended to Twilight fans.
Operation: Stake It To Ted
One night at McLaren's Robin pulled Barney aside.
"Hey," she whispered, "I found something that I think you need to see." He was more than a little disappointed when she handed him a book.
He looked at the title. "Twilight? Really, Robin? Really?"
"It's not mine!" she hissed. "Look on the inside!"
Stamped on the inner cover was an elaborate seal that read: PROPERTY OF THEODORE E. MOSBY.
"Oh," said Barney, as a slow grin spread across his face. "Oh, this is gonna be -"
"Legendary." Robin finished.
Later that night, during a lapse in the conversation, Robin carefully met Barney's eyes and gave a tiny nod, and Operation: Stake It To Ted (the name was Barney's idea) began.
"So," Robin began casually, "Today at work Becky would not shut up about Twilight."
Lily groaned. "Oh, those books are the worst. Do you know how many of my students dressed up as Twilight characters for Halloween this year? Four. Can you believe it? They're five years old, and they've already been corrupted by that junk."
Marshall looked horrified. "Inappropriate! Those books are way too mature for little kids."
"Wait, you've read them?" asked Robin.
"No!" Marshall said quickly. "I mean... okay, fine. I was curious, okay?" he said defensively. "And besides, I like a good love story as much as the next guy."
"Or girl," muttered Barney.
Marshall ignored him "So yeah, I read them. I wish I hadn't- they've scarred me for life now. The night after I finished the last one I had this horrible dream where Lily and I had a baby and Ted fell in love with it."
"Exactly! It was awful. And then I started thinking, well, what if that really happened?"
"Marshall!" Ted squawked. "That's completely ridiculous!"
"Is it, Ted?" Marshall said accusingly. "IS IT?"
"Yes! Look, Marshall, I promise you, I will not fall in love with your future child."
At that moment, some guy walking past their table paused to glance at Ted suspiciously.
Ted looked up at him and said weakly, "Uh- Twilight nightmare."
"Ah, gotcha," replied the guy, and walked on.
Robin looked disturbed. "Seriously, has everyone read these books?"
Lily raised a hand. "I haven't, but I've had to deal with Marshall's nightmares about them. As far as I'm concerned, the whole Colden family can go straight to hell."
"Cullen," Ted corrected absently.
Robin's head snapped up. "What was that, Ted?"
Ted's eyes widened. "Nothing."
Robin smirked. "I don't think so. Hey, Barney, I think Professor Mosby has something to share with the class."
"Nope. Not a thing," said Ted.
"Oh, Ted, Ted, Ted," Barney said, his voice dripping with mock-sympathy, "It's okay - we're all friends here. You can come out of the vampire closet. The sparkly, sparkly vampire closet."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, really? Well, this-" Robin said, pulling the book out of her purse, "begs to differ."
Ted went pale.
"Look," she continued. "You even put your name in it - with one of your special Property Of stickers." She raised an eyebrow. "Suck on that, vampire boy."
Ted buried his head in his hands. "Okay, you win. It's mine, I admit it. I read it, it's mine. It's not like it's the worst thing in the world."
Marshall looked ashamed. "I've just lost so much respect for you, man."
"Oh, come on," snapped Ted. "We all watched Buffy, didn't we? It's kind of the same thing!"
"Oh, Ted," Lily said pityingly. "Trust me, it's not the same. Not at all."