A/N: To those of you who are still waiting on my other fics that are "in-process", don't give up on me! I've just had several things floating around in my brain that I've had to get out. Fear not - I will be returning to those shortly! That being said, this is set after 'Double Blind'.
His words kept playing over in her mind as she put on her pajamas:
"You tell me we're ok. You know I've always had more trouble reading you than anyone else."
She kept thinking about how lost he'd looked. He seemed afraid that maybe this time he'd pushed her too far, and maybe he'd lost her for good. There was sincerity on his face, but also a grave amount of desperation and worry. He seemed broken.
She walked toward her bathroom as a mixture of his words and his face kept flashing in her mind. As she reached for her toothbrush and toothpaste, she heard a knock at the door. Still being swept up in her thoughts, she took them with her as she walked down the hall.
When she opened the door she was met with the same face that walked away from her earlier that evening. The same lost, worried, desperate face. So broken and so serious…
When she opened the door, Cal noticed that she was not only standing at the door in her pajamas, but also that she had her toothbrush in one hand and her toothpaste in the other. Understanding that he must have caught her as she was getting ready for bed, he decided to cut right to the chase.
"I really need to know," was all he said, direct and to the point.
"Need to know what?" Gillian responded, hoping he wasn't asking the same question from earlier.
"If we're ok. I need to know if we're ok, Gill," he said while shoving his hands in his pockets and cementing his feet to the ground.
"Cal…" she started. She paused searching for words and not knowing what to tell him. Where should she begin? How far back should she go?
"Cal, some of the things you've done lately…" she looked up, searching for her words and hoping they'd appear in the night sky. Bringing her eyes back down to him, she said, "I just don't know what's going on with us. You tell me I was beautiful at that party, but only as a deflection; and you say things like you want me, but only to get ahead in a conversation." Gesturing somewhat angrily toward him with her toothbrush, she added, "And then you tell me if I mess with your finances, which by the way, are also my finances, that we're finished." She paused to let everything sink in, seeing that his face was exactly the same as when she started, and then began gesturing with her toothpaste.
"Really, Cal? You'd throw away everything we have, our whole friendship – all the years we've known each other and everything we've been through – because I was trying to protect our company? And then you ask me to lie for you. And don't even try to tell me that I lied for you with the whole Jimmy Doyle business, because that was completely different. I lied then to save your life, the life of your family. What you asked me to do was compromise my integrity for a woman that I don't even like, Cal. So are we ok?"
She paused, put her arms down at her sides, and slightly shook her head. She could see defeat growing in his eyes, despite his valiant effort to hide it. She looked down to the ground, and then finally back up into his waiting eyes.
"I don't know."
She was sure she heard his heart break.
"In this moment, I don't know how we are. I know we have a strong relationship, and I think we can see our way out of this mess. But in this moment, I really don't know."
She saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes at her last words, and once again she became aware of the fact that she had her toothbrush and toothpaste in hand.
Raising her hands so they were at eye level she asked, "Now can I brush my teeth?"
If there's any interest, I may add more to this later too. Leave me some love on the way out!