The Sky is Falling! by GlassSuicune
Note: If I owned Phantasy Star, would I be here? I do own Dawn, Venus, Zelda, Catie, Catrina, Elpizo, Quirky, Leviathan, and Waffle. Eclipse belongs to a friend of mine ( I'm not sure if he's on this site or not). Also, my knowledge of Phantasy Star is severely limited, so please go easy on me when it comes to inaccuracies.
Chapter 1: Dawn of a New Adventure!
Four years ago...
"How could this happen? Why, oh why, did we listen to you?"
The President and various Commanders of the GUARDIANS, a judge, as well as plenty of government officials, all stared at the five women with mixed emotions, mostly anger and confusion. The women in question consisted of a very angry-looking Beast, a Human with a yo-yo, a nervous CAST, and two Newmans who were both pointing at each other, in a 'She did it!' manner.
"Do you all even realize the uproar this will cause if the public finds out?" the President continued his rant. The Human raised her hand, her green eyes holding a curious gaze. "What do you wish to say, Dawn?" the President asked, looking annoyed. "Um...isn't Uproar a Pokemon move?" Dawn questioned.
"...Never mind..." the judge piped in, "From now on, Dawn has no right whatsoever to speak in this trial!" Everyone but Dawn and her group ( okay, minus the Beast) agreed to this. Dawn simply pouted and went back to her yo-yo. The entire case had been nothing but ranting from the various leaders, but the incident which caused all of this wasn't a simple failed mission. It was a top-secret mission based all around a hunch. Granted, one which proved to be right, but the result...was disastrous. To put it simply, they came incredibly close to bringing the Apocalypse early...not to mention nearly causing a public scare of epic proportions. And a horrible crime was also committed on the mission, so... Oi. These girls are in hot water.
"Venus." the judge spoke up firmly, and the CAST immediately looked upward. "Y-yes your honour?" she replied shakily.
"Do you have any defense for you and your teammates?"
"Yes... Defense. To put it simpler...reasons why we shouldn't have you all kicked out of here, maybe even put behind bars."
The only response he got from Venus was the loud thud caused by the android...er...fainting.
"Catie... Catrina?" the judge started, having turned to the Newman sisters, who had at this point knocked each other out ( they were so busy blaming each other for what happened, they fought over who was responsible). Sighing, he realized his only option was the Beast. "Zelda, what's your defense?" he asked. Zelda glared at him, her crimson eyes filled with rage. She then tenderly placed her fingernails on the table...
...and created the most unholy screeching noise by scratching against the metal table.
"There's your answer..." Zelda said bluntly, lifting her amazingly unharmed fingernails off the damaged table, "What else could I do? You're already convinced we committed the crime, and we've already admitted to failing the mission. Seriously, what the pineapple kind of answer do you want? Just be done already!"
Well, there was one thing Zelda knew for sure: That was the wrong answer.
In other words, they lost the trial ( despite Dawn's frequent 'Objections!' to every claim) completely.
Dawn twirled a strand of her blue hair with her finger as she stared at the ceiling, muttering gibberish. Walls and ceilings were great things to talk to. Why? They'll listen to everything you have to say, keep it a secret, and they don't ever talk back. She stopped her inner monologue when she heard one of those mean doctors with sharp needles approaching her room. She then casually pushed a big red button, and what sounded like gunfire echoed throughout the room. The doctor immediately made a break for it, obviously scared off by it.
...You can tell Dawn was put in a mental hospital, right?
Dawn suddenly looked somewhat frightened, as a doctor walked in, a few minutes after the fake gunfire. But there was something he was hiding in his coat, and Dawn was pretty sure it wasn't a syringe by the way he was handling it. So, she decided to take action:
"You do realize guns aren't allowed, don't you? DON'T YOU?"
The clearly fake doctor quickly locked the door and pointed the gun at Dawn. "Finally, after four years..." he said threateningly, "We've found you and your friends! Now hold still. This will only hurt for a moment..." Dawn finally noticed the gun was a a Fire-aligned weapon. "W-wait!" she pleaded as the man prepared to pull the trigger, "Can't I have some last words? Maybe a last meal? Or a last drink at least?"
"Just be quiet and don't make it harder than it needs to be!"
"Please? I have my rights you know!"
"Just shut up already!"
"Pretty please with a cherry on top? PLEASE PLEASE..."
"FINE! Do whatever it is, then I'll shoot you..."
"You're a nice man!"
Dawn then looked around frantically, trying to think of something that could save her life. And she really doubted Lifesaver gum would do that, but it was a thought. Finally, it hit her. "Hey, nice man?" she inquired, really ticking off the obvious assassin, "You ever had Hawaiian Punch before?" Immediately the assassin went on the defensive. "What are you planning?" he cried.
"Nothing! I'm crushed at how quickly you accuse me!"
"S-stay away from me! I'll shoot!"
"Put that down for a moment! See? All I'm holding is this harmless little cup of fruit punch..."
"Harmless? It's probably poisoned for all I know!"
"Okay, I admit it... I lied..."
"That was the Hawaiian Punch I was thinking of giving you, anyway."
Dawn then sipped the real deal, having punched the living daylights out of the guy, thus knocking him out. She then vaguely noticed what appeared to be a data card while searching for the card to unlock the door in his doctor coat. Curious, she grabbed it and examined it, realization dawning ( oh my, the puns) on her.
"This is one of those CALAMITY freaks who framed us, got us kicked out, so they could continue their plan to awaken Dark Falz! And this card...oh sweet pineapples! THIS FIXES EVERYTHING!
Dawn then realized what she had to do. She had to break out of this hospital and go after CALAMITY! Before bedtime! And with that, she yanked the doctor's coat off the unconscious Human, put it on, then proceeded to make herself look like one of the many doctors in this place. Then she made a break for it, while the Hallelujah chorus echoed in her head. Surprisingly, none of the real doctors noticed her ( believe me, her doctor disguise was very sloppy; they should've known it was of their many patients trying to break out).
"Piece of delicious chocolate cake!" Dawn exclaimed as she strategically hid behind a palm tree, having escaped the mental hospital, "Now... To catch a ride on a spaceship, and onward to CALAMITY!" Every Beast, Human, Newman, and CAST walking around noticed the crazy woman and stared at her, wondering if they should call the authorities. Luckily for her, none did.
As one of the ships bound for the planet CALAMITY made their home on prepared to leave, Dawn slowly approached it with expert stealth, all-the-while humming the Mission Impossible theme. The people in the area still stared at her, and saying they looked disturbed would be an understatement. As Dawn prepared to get into the spaceship ( seriously, where are the guards for Pete's sake?), she froze.
"W-wait..." she started, visible smoke coming out of her left ear as she thought rationally, "I can't take these guys on by myself! I need to go after them with my friends, and we shall defeat them with the power of TEAMWORK!"
Everyone in the area promptly fled said area, unwilling to endure the clearly whacked woman anymore.
"Now, the big question is..." Dawn started, completely oblivious to how empty the place was now, "Who shall I reunite with first?" She then noticed a ship bound for Parum preparing to leave ( I am going to assume either its occupants got on before everyone left, or the thing's on auto-pilot). "Heh, why not?" Dawn muttered, "I'm gonna need a disguise though." She then spun in a circle so fast it looked like she had become a tornado. When she was done, she was dressed as an old CAST that wore blue armour. She then got into the ship as it set sail for the nearby planet.
At the GUARDIANS Branch in Parum...
The receptionist stared at the oddity in front of her. "What is it you have come for, Miss?" she finally managed, as Dawn stared her down. "I am looking for my baby sister Venus," she answered, trying so hard to sound cold and calculated, "She's a Ranger."
"CASTs don't have families... And there is no Ranger here under that name."
"Of course they do not, and of course there is not! It is the feeling that counts! I am the same model as she, but as you can see, I am much, much older. We are like sisters. Now please, is there any CAST by the name of Venus here?"
"Actually, there is..."
"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen..." the red-haired CAST sang softly as she carefully mopped the floor, "Nobody knows my sorrow..." She then stopped drowning in self-pity when a rather awkward-shaped shadow was cast upon the floor. "...Huh?" she managed, seeing who made the shadow, which caused her lime green eyes to widen in absolute terror, "...You! S-stay away from me!"
"Venus!" Dawn cried pitifully, no longer in the costume, "Come back!" She then pursued the terrified blue-armoured android with reckless abandon. "Go away!" Venus cried as she hid behind a desk, "Leave me alone! You've caused me nothing but trouble, you organic FREAK!"
"I'm sorry Venus! I only came to shed some light on your pathetic existence!"
"WILL YOU GO BACK TO THE DARK ABYSS FROM WHICH YOU CAME ALREADY?"
Venus frantically looked around, her hands firmly on the desk. If she leaned to the left, so did Dawn. It was the same with the right. Finally, she attempted to confuse Dawn by pretending to go the right, but instead made a break for it to the left. "Venus!" Dawn wailed, "COME BACK!" Venus only responded by screaming, quickly hiding in a closet and locking herself in it without Dawn noticing.
Venus didn't bother to alter her vision so she could see in the very dark closet. She instead remained as quiet as possible, hoping Dawn would give up. She then held her metaphorical breath when she felt someone touch her shoulder. "Venus..." Dawn whispered, having somehow made it into the closet first, "Please listen..." Venus was about to scream, when the light was suddenly turned on.
"Ack!" a blonde-haired Newman cried, "Can't we get some privacy here?" Venus and Dawn looked at her, then noticed the two CASTs with her. They were all working on some strange device that really looked a hand-held gaming system. "Um...who are you guys?" Dawn inquired, ignoring Venus backing into the wall to get away from her and the strangers. "I'm Leviathan!" the icy blue-armoured female CAST exclaimed. "I'm Quirky!" the black-armoured male CAST said cheerily. "...And I'm Elpizo..." the pink-clad Newman groaned in annoyance.
"What're you guys doing in here?" Dawn asked, "Better yet, how'd you get here?" Elpizo sighed. "We were fighting a monster kraken in a swamp, and the next thing we know, we're transported here," she answered, "We suspect it has something to do with that weapon my brother Waffle had..."
"...Kraken? Are you guys from Phantasy Star Zero?"
"Yes, we are, but-"
"Be gone! Your very existence in this dimension will cause the universe to tear at the seams and implode!"
"Look... We want to go back to our dimension just as much as the next guy, but our Plot Hole Creator is busted. We came in here to fix it without anyone noticing. It should take us about a week to fix it."
"Maybe longer!" Leviathan piped in, "We like it here!" For whatever reason, Quirky then pulled a flute out of nowhere and blew into it, creating the most shrill sound ever for what seemed like an eternity. After the torture ended, and everyone's hearing slowly recovered, Dawn spoke up, "Uh... I need to talk with my friend here. You don't mind, do you?" All three shook their heads. "Go ahead!" Quirky replied, still holding the blasted flute, "We can keep secrets!"
Dawn then turned to Venus, who still looked terrified. She then pulled the card out. "See this?" she asked, "This is a card to get into CALAMITY's facility! We can clear our names and regain our ranks now!" Venus had to marvel at the child-like logic Dawn used. "Um...what?" she inquired, "What is CALAMITY planning to do after all these years of inactivity?"
"Why, continue their plan to awaken Dark Falz of course! And he...she...it...whatever...is going to make Chicken Little's worst nightmare come true!"
"After four years? How long does it take to wake that monster up?"
"I have reason to believe they are going to do it using a broken metal detector, a rocket launcher, a statue of a clown, and one hundred-thousand pounds of marshmallows."
"You're kidding right?"
"No, it's quite logical. Obviously collecting all those marshmallows has held them back all these years!"
"Can you please explain how using any of those items to awaken Dark Falz is logical?"
"Well... I believe they're going to use the metal detector to find the beast, use the rocket launcher to open up a path to reach him, make him angry with the clown, and use the marshmallows to turn him over to their side. Either that, or they're going to recreate the Mr. Staypuft guy from Ghostbusters with the marshmallows and have him battle Dark Falz."
Dawn and Venus then noticed Elpizo, Leviathan, and Quirky staring at them with their jaws open. Elpizo managed to regain her composure and said to her teammates, "This is clearly a demented dimension..." Dawn then yelled, "We never said you had to like it!"
"Elpizo... Do you think Waffle's okay?" Quirky suddenly asked, "He is still in our dimension, after all..." Elpizo blinked. "Well..." she started-
-We interrupt Elpizo to bring you this important news story:
A green-haired Newman with a waffle-cone on his head screamed like a little girl as he ran away from the kraken, while Kai and Sarisa stared at him blankly. The kraken roared in rage and climbed out of the water and pursued the poor guy. "Run Waffle! RUN!" Kai cried, "RUN LIKE THE WIND!" He and Sarisa then watched as Waffle and the kraken disappeared into the horizon, a group of Rappies carrying banjos and fiddles following somewhat eagerly. I'm not even going to attempt to figure this out. I don't think you should, either.
And now back to our previously scheduled program.
"...I'm sure he's fine." Elpizo finished, her rather calm expression unwavering. "I don't know..." Quirky replied, "I have a bad feeling about this..."
"He's a brave kid. If SpongeBob can't destroy him, nothing can."
"I suppose you're right..."
Then, for some reason unknown to man...mutant...elf...android...the room suddenly disappeared and they were all stranded in a desert.
"My bad!" Leviathan cried, holding up the Plot Hole Creator, "I turned it on by accident!" Elpizo and Quirky both performed a tactical facepalm. Leviathan pouted slightly, then her silver eyes grew huge. "Who's that?" she inquired, pointing to a black and red figure walking through the desert, towards them no less. As it came closer, it turned out to be a female CAST with a huge gun, and some silvery wing-like things near her back. She examined the group carefully, eyes paying attention to every single detail, which made Venus incredibly nervous, whereas Elpizo and Company chose to shift uncomfortably. Dawn was too busy doing what had caught the newcomer's attention to care. Finally, the CAST spoke:
"What are you guys doing sitting a perfect circle around a campfire in a desert, like you're worshiping the marshmallows that Human is roasting? And just what is with that device that looks like the unholy offspring of a mutant DS and deformed PlayStation Portable?"
Suddenly Leviathan looked very offended, and held the Plot Hole Creator close to her power core. "She didn't mean it baby... Shh..." she whispered softly, "It's okay... Mommy's here for you..." Quirky and Elpizo scooted a few inches away from Leviathan, looking disturbed. Dawn chewed thoughtfully on a marshmallow, then declared, "You know what we need? A campfire song!" she then sang, "I've got a banjo!"
"NO!" Venus screamed in terror, digging a ginormous hole in the ground to hide ( she was also burying poor Elpizo under the sand that went flying), "Anything but that!" Quirky then looked at the heap of sand which now buried Elpizo, looking worried. "Elpizo?" he inquired, breaking a piece of cactus off, well, a cactus, and poking the heap, "You alive?" He continued poking, until the piece of cactus hit something and got stuck. Namely, a ticked off Newman who wanted nothing more than to get revenge on the CAST who pricked her. Seriously...Quirky should've known better...
While Elpizo beat the daylights out of Quirky, the CAST took a few steps back. "Am I the only one who's sane?" she asked her Mag, not really expecting an answer, but she sure as bananas wasn't going to ask any of these weirdos. "By the way, what's your name?" Leviathan spoke up, "I'm Leviathan, the Newman who's beating up my friend Quirky is named Elpizo, that crazy Human is Dawn, and the other CAST is Venus."
"Fascinating, and my name is Eclipse. Now, if you don't mind, I am going to leave now."
"Aww... Why so soon?"
"Monsters tend to follow me." 'Plus... I don't think hanging out with you guys will help my sanity any.'
A roar was heard, and Shambertin of all monsters rose from the ground, sending Venus flying, and she promptly crashed on Dawn, who really didn't notice. Now, this monster should be a dead giveaway as to where Eclipse came from, but if you're like me and are a newbie, she came from the wondrous land of Phantasy Star Online ( and surprisingly, the universe is still intact). Elpizo and Quirky stopped fighting, both of them in very awkward positions ( think of cartoons like Looney Tunes and Tom & Jerry, when the characters stop fighting; it's literally like you paused a TV show or something).
Eclipse stared at Shambertin long and hard, looking very bored. "...I'm not even going to ask how you managed to fit into that tiny Plot Hole that swallowed me up," she groaned, "That's a Plot Hole within a Plot Hole... I never signed up for any of this..." She then shrugged and readied her gun, looking at the other guys. She didn't really want them to assist ( she questioned their sanity too much), but she was more-so interested in their reaction.
"Venus!" Dawn exclaimed, "Let's help fight this thing! We can do it! Venus? VENUS!" Said CAST was running away at top speed, screaming very shrilly. Dawn then turned to Eclipse. "I will help take down this beast!" she declared, pulling a tricycle and a pizza box out of nowhere, "After I deliver this pizza!" She then got on the tricycle and road off into the horizon. Venus' cowardice Eclipse had sadly expected, but Dawn's pizza delivery moment wasn't expected, though she did expect stupidity. Preparing herself, Eclipse looked at Elpizo and Company ( Elpizo and Quirky were now standing like normal people).
Elpizo smirked, flicked her bangs out of her face in a very haughty manner, and readied her saber, while a gust of wind picked up and blew her blonde hair and pink trench coat in a rather epic manner. Eclipse resisted the urge to facepalm at the arrogant Newman. "I like music." Quirky said somewhat randomly, pulling out his flute and blowing into it, deafening everybody, including Shambertin. After everyone's hearing returned ( though Shambertin was now coiled up in pain), Quirky put the flute up and pulled out a saber, readying it. "You ish special." Leviathan blurted out, pulling a yellow smiley face sticker out of nowhere and slamming it onto Quirky's head, before getting her gun out.
Eclipse knew one thing for sure: She was going to avoid these guys like they were a biohazard.
Note: Remember what I said what canonical inaccuracies? Well...forget what I said! O.O This story is Swiss cheese anyway with all the intentional Plot Holes. Now, for the fun of it...
SUBJECT 1 ZELDA: Generic tough girl who hates everything. Based on Princess Zelda from The Legend of Zelda, quite obviously. *hit with pie* Age: 25.
SUBJECT 2 DAWN: Generic insane person on steroids. Inspired by Dawn from Pokemon and Murdock from The A-Team. Oh, and Bugs Bunny from Looney Tunes. Seriously. Age: We believe she's 19, but no one can confirm nor deny...not even her.
SUBJECT 3 VENUS: My Phantasy Star Portable character, who was based on my MegaMan X fan character of the same name. They are not alike in any way other than name, weapon of choice, armour, hair, and eye colour, though. This Venus is a parody. Yes, I parodied one of my own characters. Age: 12.
SUBJECT 4 CATIE: Generic mad scientist and generic argumentative twin Number 1. Age: 16.
SUBJECT 5 CATRINA: Generic lab assistant and generic argumentative twin Number 2. Age: 16.
SUBJECT 6 ELPIZO: One of my two characters from Phantasy Star Zero, who was a parody of a MegaMan Zero character named Elpizo ( and that Elpizo was a guy ^^;). Age: 18.
SUBJECT 7 LEVIATHAN: My other PSZ character, who was a parody of another MegaMan Zero character named Leviathan ( and this Levi was a girl, so it isn't awkward in the least). Age: 8.
SUBJECT 8 QUIRKY: A dude. He happened because all of my characters were dudettes, and I felt I needed a dude. So...yeah. Age: 8.
SUBJECT 9 WAFFLE: This guy was made from the leftovers of my creativity. In other words...the junk parts I didn't use before. ^^; Poor Waffle. And don't ask about the name. I have no idea why I called him that. Age: 13 ( yes, I'm serious).
SUBJECT 10 ECLIPSE: My friend's character on PSO ( maybe some other games; I don't remember). To me, she's the epic character. Anyways, I put her in because I needed a sane character, and my friend wanted to see her appear in a fanfiction. It worked out great, don't you think? XD Age: I don't know...
Anyways...likey or no likey? Also, aside from the super-secret leader of CALAMITY and Dark Falz, these ten characters are our main cast in this story of friendship, 'suspense', insanity, and many, many marshmallows.