Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style!: Sports Day

Bulma: Hey everyone! It's Sports Day today on Celebrity Deathmatch—Anime Style!

Serena: Where three different battles will occur—each in the form of a different sport!

Hermione: And the first battle will be a one-on-one basketball shoot-out between Akane, everyone's favorite tomboy, and Vega, everyone's favorite...bloodthirsty...evil...mani...ac...

Vega: Grrr...

Bulma: Vega requested this battle herself!

Vega: Die, Akane...DIE!

Hermione: Uh...sorry to burst your bubble, Vega...but the rules of Basketball state that you can't use physical offenses at all in this sport.

Vega: WHAT? NOOOO! WHOEVER MADE THOSE RULES! I'LL KILL EM!

Bulma: **GULP** Uh...but...but...in the CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH game of Basketball...fighting...IS...allowed...don't hurt us...

Vega: That's better!

Janitor: (brings out two hoops and puts them at each end of the ring)

Akane: (brings out a basketball)

Vega: (attacks Akane for a second, and runs toward the opposite hoop with the basketball) AAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAA!

Akane: Ow...my arm...I'm bleeding...help me...

Vega: MUWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA! (shoots the ball into the hoop) BOOYA!

Akane: Hey...what's booya mean—**BANG** (gets hit in the face with a basketball)

Vega: Woops! Dropped it! (grabs the ball again and makes another basket)

Serena: DAMN YO! Vega is in the lead! 2 to nothing!

Bulma: **coughakanesuckscough**

Hermione: ...

Vega: That's because I kick ass at this game! WOOHOO—**BANG** (gets kicked in the face by Akane)

Akane: (steals the ball from Vega) OH YEAH BABY! (runs down the court)

Vega: NOOOO! (runs after Akane) GET BACK HERE YOU # %# !

Akane: (nears the basketball hoop) (shoots the ball)

Vega: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ball: (gets intercepted by Kenji)

Kenji: HAHAHAHAHA!

Serena: And it looks like Kenji Hibiki has intercepted the ball!

Hermione: ...They've figured that part out, I'm sure...

Bulma: Is that legal?

Hermione: Anything is legal in this game...

Kenji: (passes the ball to Joseibi who is now on Vega's side)

Joseibi: WOOHOO! (passes the ball to Vega)

Vega: (catches the ball) (throws it at Akane)

Akane: **BANG** (gets hit in the face with the basketball) (falls unconscious)

Vega: (grabs the basketball and makes a basket just as the timer runs out)

Hermione: And it looks like Vega has won this one people!

Bulma: Did we have any doubt?

Ranma: Our next battle will be a one-on-one—hopefully—game of hockey between Kenji Hibiki and his...(takes a closer look at the paper) SISTER, MATOKO?

Serena: RYOGA HAS A DAUGHTER TOO?

Bulma: Hey...who told Ranma he could announce the next battle!?

Ryoga: It's true! I'm a pimp!

Audience: **GASP** DOOOOOOOOOODDD!

Serena: So who's the mother of this one?

Ryoga: Not sure...

Ukyo: MEEEEE AGAAAAAAIIIN!

Ryoga: Oh.

Janitor: (takes out the basketball hoops and presses a button)

(a large wave floods the arena and freezes)

Janitor: (brings out two goals and puts them on each side of the ring) (puts a puck in the middle)

Matoko: (comes onto the ice in hockey gear carrying a hockey stick)

Kenji: (does the same)

Luna: Ok...all rules are screwed in this game...so all is valid! PLAY!

Matoko and Kenji: (hit each other madly with the sticks)

Bulma: Umm...you're not supposed to be fighting...you're supposed to be playing hockey...

Matoko and Kenji: (stop) Oh.

Kenji: (grabs the puck quickly with his stick and speeds down the rink)

Matoko: (chases after him)

Kenji: (is going the wrong way)

Matoko: (is going the opposite way of Kenji)

Hermione: ...Why is she going in the other direction?

Serena: Why is HE trying to score a goal for Matoko?

Ryoga: Ah...the Hibiki sense of direction...

Serena, Hermione, and Bulma: Oh...

Ranma: This could be interesting...

Matoko: Hey...I'm sposta be going that way! (goes after Kenji in the right direction)

Kenji: (skates toward his sister)

Matoko: HEY WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING-**BANG**

Kenji and Matoko: (collide)

Matoko: (takes the puck and skates toward her own goal)

Serena: (smacks her forehead) this could take awhile...

Kenji: I have to chase her then...(skates out of the ring and goes to China)

Matoko: (stops) (is confused)

Hermione: Well...I guess that means Kenji has forfeited...

Bulma: That means Matoko wins...

Joseibi: Well that was sure interesting...Mah Kenji's in China...

Bulma: Dood...

Serena: Hey...how do you know where he went?

Joseibi: It's written up there...

Hermione: Up where? Where are you people talking about?

Everyone: (is silent as they ponder what the hell this all means)

Serena: Llllllllleeeet's move on...

Hermione: Our next game/battle will be another one that Vega suggested herself...

Bulma: It is Vega VS Ryoga in a swimming race!

Janitor: (presses another button, and the ice melts to form a nice pool)

Ryoga and Vega: (jump in and swim to the starting line)

Joseibi: On your marks...get set...GO!

Ryoga and Vega: (swim as fast as they can)

Ryoga: (is ahead of Vega)

Vega: Grrrr...(swims over to Ryoga and grabs his head)

Ryoga: Hey what the—BLLLRRRRBBLLLBBBB! (gets pulled under water and held there by Vega)

(ten full minutes later)

Vega: (lets go of Ryoga)

Ryoga: (floats to the top of the water) (is motionless)

Vega: (swims to the finish-line) I WIN AGAIN!

Hermione: ...

Matoko: Uh...Daddy?

Ryoga: (is still floating in the ring)

Janitor: (drains the ring and sweeps Ryoga away)

Vega: (attacks the Janitor)

Bulma: HEY WHAT IS SHE DOING!?

Serena: I don't know...but the audience wants to see...

Janitor: (runs away)

Vega: (presses the button and makes the pool again)

Serena: Hmmm...maybe she wants to go for a swim?

Hermione: I doubt it...

Vega: (runs up to the Digimon section of the audience and picks up all the Digimon characters) (starts chucking them into the pool, one by one)

Digimon Characters: AAAAHHHHH! BBBBLLLLLRRRRRRBBBLLLLLL! (drown)

Matt: HAHA I CAN SWIM! (swims)

Vega: (jumps into the pool) (grabs Matt's head and holds him underwater)

Matt: MMMMBBBLLLLLRRRRRBBBBLLLLLL! (drowns)

Serena: Dood...

Bulma: Well...

Vega: (drains the pool and sweeps all the Digimon characters away with a large smile on her face)

Hermione: Well...we should end this episode before more people get seriously injured...

Serena: Yeah...bye everyone.