So I never know what to write here, so as always this is dedicated to my twin IMSOW and Sam the Awesome (yes that is her real name). Enjoy!
Bella was blocking Alice and of course herself, it had been quite a while since Bella had discovered this new use of her power and usually it
wouldn't bother me. Well that's not exactly true, but this time was different, Jasper could sense weird conspiratorial feelings off them. I was trying
to let it go when Alice started laughing manically; I nodded towards Jasper and caught up to Bella.
I wrapped one arm around her waist and pressed her lips to mine, I was meant to be concentrating on Alice's mind for when Bella lifted her shield.
Bella had other ideas so I pulled her into a closet to finish what I had started.
All in all I was late for class, "Sorry" I mumbled as I walked in.
I paused for a second over half the class had disappeared; it was just the boys, who were left.
"Thank you for joining us Mr. Cullen,"
"My pleasure," I replied
Mr. Banner looked irritated.
I just shrugged and tried searching for Bella just on the off chance she wanted me to hear her.
"As I was saying class today we're going to be learning about..." Mr. Banner was mumbling.
"Sex!" Emmet shouted
I rolled my eyes and tried to shut out his mind.
"Yes Mr. Cullen," replied Banner patiently "Sex Ed."
"Short for," Emmet giggling "Sex Edward."
"Yes, I mean no," Banner stumbled
I looked out the window pretending to ignore the stares, and Emmet's laughter.
I listened to Emmet for a few minutes he was thinking of rude jokes to use, mostly directed at me.
"Mr. Cullen! This is very important are you listening to me?"
"Inexplicably, sir." I replied I had assumed the question as for me.
Emmet had burst out laughing again,
"You're not teaching Eddie anything he doesn't know," Emmet informed the class.
"Don't call me Eddie!" I hissed
Everyone turned to look at me a mixture of shock and amazement on their faces.
"What?" I half shouted, "It isn't that extraordinary"
"He was a virgin for like 100 years though and even -"
"Emmet," I growled "Any amount of money for you to stop talking about my sex life right now,"
Mr. Banner was trying to regain control of the class again.
"Emmet Cullen unless you think you could teach this class better than I suggest you shut up!"
"I don't mind," Emmet said making his way to the front of the class. Emmet wrote his name in capital letters across the board but stopped after 'Emmet'.
He pushed Mr. Banner into a seat
"As I'm speaking to a group of virgins apart from me and Eddie, I'll start with the basics."
Emmet now had everyone's attention even Mr. Banner's.
"Well the most important thing is confidence; girls can tell when you're nervous especially when they are nervous too,"
Mr. Banner raised his hand "Mr. Cullen I don't think this lesson was entitled sex advice,"
"Overruled," continued Emmet, "first things first make sure it's good for the girl too, you might get a second chance. Don't do anything extravagant, keep it simple and take it slow. Also girls are funny about smells."
Emmet looked at the class worried he had gone too fast.
"Too much?" he asked me mentally
I shook my head everyone else was trying to take it all in.
"Now don't worry if you're a virgin now, although you might want to get laid before college, although if you get to 109 to lose your virginity you will be classed as a weirdo, any questions?"
A couple of people put up their hands, Emmet pointed to one nervous guy.
"Is it better if you wait till you're married?" he asked
"Don't know didn't wait," Emmet shrugged. Phew dodged that bullet I thought. Ah crap he's looking at me, "What do you think Eddie?"
"My name isn't Eddie, and I have no comment,"
"C'mon Ed-ward, you would know," Emmet prodded
The whole class including Mr. Banner had turned to look at me, as if my mortification wasn't enough.
"Yes, I'm glad I waited until I was married, is that what you wanted to know?"
"You're married?" asked the boy in front of me
"Yes," I told him confused
"Does Bella know?" I searched around his brain for a minute (I'd previously been avoiding it) he was imagining himself telling Bella I was a cheater and then comforting a miserable Bella who would then fall in love with him.
"Bella's my wife, so yes I think she knows." I explained
The class started muttering about 'ball and chain' and other things, but I'm pretty sure they were all jealous. Emmet seemed annoyed that I'd caused disillusion amongst his ranks, he brought the class back to relative order with his (rather disturbing) views on sex. All of which flew over the heads, rather than scarring them for life. Emmet paused as he tried to bring the conversation back to the level of his students.
"That's all for later any more questions for now?"
Nameless no. who knows? Put up his hands. "Can a girl know if you're a virgin?"
"Not physically no, but nervousness does play a part in performance and there are certain mistakes you can make on your first time that make it obvious."
"What mistakes?" asked another boy
"Good question, let's open it up to the floor, does anybody have any ideas?" more people put their hands up. Emmet ignored them. "What about you Eddie? Any ideas?"
I glared at my brother.
"What would you say was your mistake?" Emmet asked, unflinching under my glare. "Something you forgot perhaps?"
"Do you like your face the way it is Emmet? Because you are going the right way about getting it rearranged." I muttered angrily, he pretended not to hear.
"Or did you believe the myth that you couldn't get the girl pregnant on the first time?"
"I'm fully aware I made a mistake, Emmet, I don't think now is the time." I didn't look at the curious faces in front of me.
"What happened?" nameless no. 1 asked
"Nothing," I said shortly
Emmet unable to control his glee to decided to inform all of the class including Mr Banner on the finer points of my sex life.
"Well Eddie and Bellie were on honeymoon- anything to add?" he paused I shook my head warningly; "I don't even want to think about what they were doing in the sea, on the beach over and over and over again."
"Seriously Emmet, what do you want my house? My car?" I offered
"Just your undivided attention and cooperation." he told me, "Anyway Eddie-"
"Just shut up Emmet, for the love of all that's good and holy shut up,"
"Look Emmet-" said Mr. Banner
"Mr. Cullen, please," interrupted Emmet
"-I just feel that maybe we should go back to Sex Education rather than your brother's personal endeavors," he continued
"I agree wholeheartedly," I said jumping at the chance
"Well seeing as I'm in charge of the class I say I decide and I think it would be beneficial to hear from experience unless you'd like to indulge us Mr. Banner?,"
"Do as you see fit Mr. Cullen," said Mr. Banner leaning back in his chair
"So you got her pregnant?" asked nameless no. 2
I rolled my eyes but nodded all the same
"Ooh bad luck mate," another said
I bristled angrily, "I disagree I think it was incredibly good luck and I'm not your mate."
"What did you do?" asked nameless no. 3
"This was meant to be next lesson but I'm sure we can discuss life choices now." Mr. Banner added
"Bella really made the choice for us and I'm very happy she did," I didn't look at them.
"What did you do?" asked nameless number 4, "did you keep it?"
"Yes we kept her we didn't really have any reason not to I suppose we were married and financially set, we were of course young but not too young," I wondered what Nessie was doing now, I knew Esme was taking good care of her but I always wondered if she missed us.
"Didn't you have any doubts?" asked nameless no. 5
"Bella was very ill to start with so I of course wanted to put her health first, but I think it has worked out perfectly now that's more than I ever wanted to tell you. Emmet if you'd like to change the subject now..." I waved my hand towards him
"Right now, for homework, I'd like you all to think up an original chat up line and present them to me next lesson. The best one gets a chance of pulling." Emmet said as the bell rang.
As the boys filed out, they were all thinking the same thing 'that was the best lesson ever'. I smiled to myself.
"Hey Emmet," I said catching his attention, "You remember that time a bear got the best of you? I think everyone else needs to know too."
That's all review if you please.