Chapter 1: Old Wishes
This is my first attempt at a KaiShin story-please read and tell me what you think! As I said in my summary, if you have problems with homosexual relationships, please just don't read this story, because they will come up, and I would prefer not to receive any ugly comments. Thanks :)
Beyond that, I really appreciate reviews! So please review away! :D
Japanese: Shinjitsu wa itsumo hitotsu (there is only one truth), otousan (dad), ojisan (uncle), neechan (older sister)
Thanks for reading!
It didn't affect him as much as he thought it would. Of course, after the events of the last few months-no, the last few years-he was pretty used to the truth being unbelievable.
Hah, were the gods laughing at him? Shinjitsu wa itsumo hitotsu. Well, the one truth was taking it a little far this time.
As if shrinking and trying to take down an absurdly powerful international crime organization wasn't bad enough, but this last year had been especially disturbing for the genius high-school detective stuck in his childish body (now 10-years old).
He had expected to feel SOME jealousy-and kick himself for being so selfish…but no. He felt empty, but the emptiness had begun much earlier. It had actually taken some of the crushing weight from his chest when Ran had finally started seeing Araide-sensei.
"Bye, Conan-kun! Bye Otousan! Make sure you guys don't have anything too unhealthy for dinner, okay?" Ran, purse in hand, was beaming at the two other residents of the little flat over the Detective Agency, a slightly concerned motherly look showing on her face at the end of her statement.
"Don't worry, Ran-neechan. I won't let Ojisan have too many beers this time," Conan said, giving her an angelic little smile.
"Did you say something, brat?" The disgruntled older detective shot from behind his newspaper.
"Nothing, nothing. Have fun, Ran-neechan."
"Thanks, Conan-kun. You'll really be okay alone here with tousan?" The worried look crept back into her eyes.
"I'll be totally fine." The big grin he gave her was, honestly, plastered on. He looked up at her, and seeing her face perfectly done up in just the right amount of make-up, and her body tucked snugly into a halter top and mini-skirt, he could see she looked beautiful. But he didn't feel anything. Nothing at all. And that, itself, was part of his problem.
"Okay, Conan-kun, well bye!" She said again, whipping through the door and out of sight.
"Ojisan, I'm going to take a walk." Conan said dully.
"Whatever, brat. Could you pick me up some beers?"
The not-child raised his eyebrow at this. As if I could in this body. Deciding not to answer him, Conan just left the agency and began what had become routine. Whenever Ran would go out, he would wander around the city. He'd grown just enough that he wouldn't attract too many odd looks walking alone as long as he stayed in moderately populated areas.
It had all started when Haibara had called him about a year ago, rare excitement evident in her voice, though she was able to push it down enough to maintain her usual cold, indifferent tone for the most part. They honestly hadn't spoken much since they had finally taken down the black organization-something which had been done with the assistance of the FBI, a few brave police officers, Hattori Heiji and (to everyone-but
Shinichi's-surprise, Kaitou Kid). There had to be a reason for her calling him out of the blue like this, he deduced.
And, as usual, he was right.
"I have it, Kudou-kun. Assuming you haven't built up too great a resistance to it, this should work. A permanent antidote."
He couldn't believe it, and looking back, could not remember how he'd finished that phone conversation, or how he'd made it over to Agasa-hakase's. The next thing he could remember, he was holding his hand out expectantly, a set of his own clothes (swiped from his house on the way) clutched in his other hand.
"Kudou-kun, I know you are aware of the risks, but this time they are even more serious. This antidote will do one of three things." Holding out her fingers to count off, she continued. "First, it could return you to the body of Kudou Shinichi, aged as you would have aged naturally-so, you will appear as the 19-year old you should be."
Losing the battle to keep his excitement from showing, Conan just nodded quickly, wanting her to get on with the explanation so he could take the drug and get this all over with. He was quite ready to get back to his old life. To resume living.
"Second option, you die." He was used to this, and it didn't faze him a bit. That seemed to be a possibility with everything Haibara gave him, and yet here he was, having defeated death more times than he could count.
"The third…is that the drug won't work. But here's the important point. If this happens, it will likely build up your immunity to the drug to such an extent that there will never again be a chance of returning you to your body. Even the prototype drugs which worked before will become ineffective." Conan did, honestly, pause at this, but figured the chance was worth taking.
This was, after all, his only chance to return to his true form as far as he could see. Giving her a determined look and a small smile, he took the pill and walked into a back room to await the effects of the drug.
"Here goes nothing." He waited for the pain to begin… but it didn't. The usual white-hot searing sensation, as if his bones were being melted clean off, just wasn't there. His vision began to cloud, and his legs had grown extremely shaky. He thought he heard some high-pitched laughter, and tried to look for the source. And everything went black.
The laughter didn't leave, though. In fact, it was growing louder. High, cold, girlish-it gave him the creeps. He tried to open his eyes, but everything was still black. Looking down, he realized he could see himself, though. His hands were still child-sized.
Suddenly a glowing figure appeared before him-a girl who looked to be around his true age.
He tried to find the voice to call out, but nothing would come. The young woman just laughed again, but her laugh didn't disguise her eyes, which showed some distant sadness.
"The antidote didn't work. You can no longer return to being Kudou Shinichi."
What? What is this girl talking about? How would she know that and…she's just a figment of my imagination. I shouldn't take her seriously.
"Oh really? What makes you so sure, Great Detective of the East?" A slightly irate tone was enflaming her words and she looked him seriously.
Apparently she could read is mind. Of course, she was created by his mind, so that shouldn't have surprised him…
"Actually, Kudou-kun, I happen to be a witch, and I am NOT some hallucination. I am using my power to help you, because…well, my reasons aren't important."
"Anyway! Here's my gift. It is true that the drug didn't work, but magic is stronger than any drug, and there is one source of magic in particular which is stronger than anything!"
Slightly interested for the first time, Conan looked up at her and met her eyes, which now had a mischievous gleam flashing through them.
With that, his heart sank. How cliché. He shouldn't have allowed himself to expect anything, anyway. After all, he didn't believe in magic. That is, besides the tricks Kaitou Kid played, but they were sleights of hand displaying his skill rather than actual magic. Being a detective, he wasn't about to believe some little fairytale story like the one this girl was obviously trying to feed him.
Sighing, Conan tried to turn and walk away, but realized there wasn't anywhere to walk to. He was still in this dark stretch of nothingness. Still asleep, apparently. Still having this vision. He just wanted to wake up… but then again, he was a little afraid that when he woke, it would be just as she said.
Continuing on as if she hadn't noticed the look of utter disbelief, the witch held her arms up to point at Conan and began to chant.
Conan stared at her. He had to admit that a strange sensation of warmth had filled his body, but looking down, there was certainly no change. He stared at the girl before him who had her arms crossed in satisfaction.
"What did you do?" He looked at her suspiciously.
"Oh, just some verrrry powerful magic. Let's see…" She tapped one long finger on her cheek as if thinking of how to explain.
"You understand, don't you, mr. Genius detective? There is a way to get your body back to normal. All you need is a kiss from your true love! Oh, but don't think one kiss will do it. That'll work for a little while, like one of your temporary antidotes. What will sustain the transformation is true, unwavering, powerful love. Nonconsensual won't cut it. Got it?"
With a wink, the girl leapt over to stand next to the shrunken detective. "I should return you to your life, now, Kudou Shinichi. Things are going to get exciting again, huh?" And with that, she bent down and kissed his forehead, and the illusion began to fade.
When he woke up, he felt as if a truck had plowed into him. Haibara and the Professor were looking down at him with worried eyes.
He knew from the looks in their eyes, but he still was unprepared for the sharp, plummeting sensation in his chest. Sighing, he looked at his hands. Unchanged. "Haibara, does this mean..?" He asked slowly.
Frowning, Haibara slowly nodded her head. "I'm sorry, Kudou-kun. There is nothing I can do. Kudou Shinichi no longer…exists as he once did."
This was the beginning of his new, monotonous, permanent life as Edogawa Conan.
After that day, he had tried to separate from Ran, little by little. Trying to wean her from the idea of Shinichi. He would make excuses when he couldn't stand to be around her, and would take long walks around the city. It was on one of these occasions that, lost in thought, exhaustion had overtaken him as he'd ventured into a somewhat faraway neighborhood-Ekoda.
The next thing he knew, he was lying on something sturdy but soft. The couch at the detective agency. How did he get back?
"Conan-kun?" He opened his eyes to meet Ran's worried expression.
"I was so worried! This guy found you on the street-he said you'd collapsed, and brought you back here!"
"What guy-" Even after just waking up, the detective gears were still churning in his endlessly active mind. "I wasn't close-by at all…How did he know where we lived? If I was unconscious when he found me…"
Ran seemed to consider this. "Well, he seemed familiar. To be honest, I thought he was Shinichi at first. I can't believe someone looks that much like him. His hair was a little messier, though, and his eyes were more purple than blue…and his personality seemed really different, but other than that…" Ran trailed off, and Conan felt as if something had clutched his heart. Kaitou Kid!
It had to be him. He knew the guy looked a hell of a lot like he did in his normal form. He had even seen him, totally unmasked, that time he'd protected the kids on Trap island.
Though it had been dark, he had been able to make out his features well enough, and Ran's description fit right with what he remembered. It would also explain why he would know where to take him and why he would help him…
No, why did he think that? Even if they'd worked together a few times, and had been incredibly helpful to them against the Black Organization, Kid was still a criminal. It wasn't as if he really cared about the detective. He just found him to be an amusing distraction…right?
"Conan-kun? Are you okay?" Ran's face was looking worried again.
"I'm totally fine, Ran-neechan. Don't worry about me!" He smiled, but the smile, as it was so often nowadays, was fake.
"Okay, then. Well, I need to go out in a bit. Do you want to come with me?"
"Hm? Where to?"
"Oh, well…Araide-sensei wanted to give me this book he thought I'd like. It has to do with Philosophy of Law and…"
Ever since the Apo toxin had failed to return him to his body 4 months earlier, Shinichi hadn't called. Ran was worried at first-still was, but it was different from how it used to be. She no longer seemed to speak as if her world revolved around him. She brought him up less and less often. She had begun to hang out with people she never had before-making friends with people at school she hadn't gotten to know very well when she was always around Shinichi…
And now, she had started to see Araide-sensei more and more often. Kogorou wasn't totally pleased with this, but his daughter insisted that he was simply a mentor to her, and he had to grumblingly agree that these tutoring sessions were helping Ran prepare for Law School entrance exams...
That night, Conan crept into her room. In the faint moonlight, he could see a single tear was welling in her right eye. Ran mumbled a little in her sleep, and he jumped a little-had he woken her? But no…she was still fast asleep. Perhaps dreaming. "Shini…"
A little jolt in his heart upon hearing the familiar name begin to leave her mouth-something he hadn't heard in a long time… "G-Goodbye, Shinichi." She whispered, so quietly that it was barely discernible, and the tear spilled over and rolled down her cheek, tracing a path which glistened in the light.
Conan felt as if an ice-cold clutch had just gripped his chest. He didn't know exactly what he was feeling, or what he expected to feel. Sadness? Loneliness? Regret? Hurt that Ran had finally given up on him? Part of him was glad if this was the case. It was only through living with her that he had really grown to understand just how wonderful his childhood friend really was. His feelings for her, too, had grown and changed. He loved her very much. He felt this burning desire to protect her, to see her happy.
When he imagined her happy, though, it was with Shinichi…but with the Shinichi she had known growing up. And these years had changed him. He wasn't sure when exactly, but he could no longer easily picture himself with Ran, anymore. In his dreams of the two of them together, he felt as if he were observing them from a distance-watching a nostalgic and precious film. Try as he might, though, he couldn't see how he could ever be that confident teen detective ever again…
Hearing her say the words, though, made him feel as though Shinichi were really dead.
The Shinichi she had known lived only as long as she remembered and held onto him. But she was finally moving on.
Like an unwelcome memory, the words of the little dream-witch echoed through his mind. They were nonsense, but…what if he were to try? He looked guiltily down at the girl he'd loved for so long. The girl he saw as a sister, and…more? He wasn't sure anymore. Certainly, a few years ago, there would have been no question.
Would it be fair for him to try what the witch had suggested? Who was he to suddenly bring Shinichi back into her life when she was finally getting over him? While these thoughts were running through his head, a sense of self-preservation won over.
Slowly, he dipped down, examining her face, before softly planting his little 9-year-old lips on hers. It felt…soft…and safe. But otherwise, nothing. His heart was pounding, but it actually seemed to pound less when he actually made contact. Slightly frustrated, he looked at his hands. No change. Despite his misgivings, he had actually expected SOMETHING to come from the witch's appearance.
Well, she did say one kiss wouldn't do…
Setting his mind once again, he brought his face to hers once again, mumbling "Ran…" before brushing her lips with his. He noticed a slight response this time. She kissed him back, lightly, mumbling "Shi-" but then they both stopped. It was as if an electric current had gone through them. There was indescribably something wrong with the kiss. It felt-just wrong. As if he'd tried to passionately kiss a…[he shuddered]…sister.
Ran's eyes were now open, and she was looking at him in wide-eyed confusion. "C-conan-kun?"
"I-I'm sorry, Ran-neechan. I didn't mean to wake you! I'll just be going now."
He had an answer, finally. Everyone, himself included, had always expected him to be with Ran. Now, however, he could feel that things had changed irreversibly. He could no longer see her that way. He cared about her, sure. Tremendously. But she no longer lit up his heart.
He felt heavy with guilt. Shinichi had been dragging her along, keeping her waiting and now…? The fact that he hadn't transformed back at the kiss didn't mean much to him.
After all, he still had many doubts that the witch's story was anything resembling the truth.
But he knew, now, that he could never again be with Ran. The person she had loved, and the person who had loved her, would never return.
Thanks for reading! I know it is kind of a sad chapter, but it was necessary to set up poor Shinichi's situation...anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!
The second chapter is basically done, too, so I'll get that up quickly, and hopefully won't take too long on the rest-assuming I have readers, that is. Please review to let me know!
Till next time!