Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. Also, this is all in jest (maybe) and is not intended to offend anyone (unless they really, really want to get offended, anyway).
Dedication: This is partly a cunning ruse to distract Scarlet Sparkle from the fact that I still haven't made progress on the Crossgens I've promised her, and partly an offer of (hopefully) light-hearted parody fun for everyone who I still owe a PM, review reply, review or anything along those lines to. Like something this weird could possibly make up for all that...
Farewell, then, 'Schermionie has 69 stories'. Farewell. :/
A/N: Um...? Yeah.
Something like that.
Harry Potter, in a Nutshell
HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE
"You're a wizard, Harry."
"I'm a what?"
HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS
"Her skeleton will lie in the Chamber forever," said the bloody message on the wall.
(A few hours later): "Ginny! You're safe!"
HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN
"Sirius Black has escaped from the wizard prison, Azkaban, which no one has ever done EVER. And he's after you, Harry. You need to be careful!"
HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE
"I didn't put my name in the Goblet of Fire."
"Haha, yeah. Whatever."
"For Merlin's sake - VOLDEMORT'S BACK!"
"Sure he is, Harry."
HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX
"Alas, Harry, I fear that there is no way to accurately summarise how this year has been for you in just a few words."
"Actually, Professor, I can do it in just one: shit."
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE
"I'll be giving you lessons this year, Harry."
"On something super special awesome and important, right?"
"No. But Harry... if Professor Snape should do something terrible later in this book, remember that I trust him for good reasons."
But Harry had stopped listening after 'Snape'.
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS
Bill and Fleur got married or something equally unimportant.
Aimless wandering around - with tents.
Dumbledore was gay!
Horcruxes or Hallows?
A few characters died.
Nothing much changed.
The punishment for being a villain was going bald, apparently.
All else was well.
One nauseating epilogue.