This script an adaption of a skit my two best friends and I wrote, mixing Harry Potter, Star Wars, and Doctor Who. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. Or Harry Potter. Or-sigh-Star Wars. I do, however, own a TARDIS cookie jar, two sonic screwdrivers, a wand, and several lightsabers. So haha.
Rose: (sitting in her room, writing in a zebra-striped book with a bright red quill) Dear Diary, today is going to end horribly. I know, because today I got a letter from my dad. It said "Dear Luke, I am your father! You don't know the power of the Dark Side!" Okay, first off, I know he's my dad because I'm his daughter! Second: Luke? Really? Luke's my brother! And he's in Slytherin! I'm a Gryffindor! Urg! Third, all he ever says is "I am your Father!" and "Your lack of faith disturbs me!" and "You don't know the power of the Dark Side!" – Which, but the way, is the motto of his electricity company. It doesn't even make sense. Plus, he breaths weird. And he comes over every Sunday—this is the girl's dormitory, he's not even allowed in! And Sunday's my free day! I just hope he doesn't come soon. I'm not prepared.
Darth Vader: (enters dramatically, cloak billowing behind him. He is brandishing a lightsaber) Luke! I am your Father!
Rose: I know, Dad! And for the millionth time, I'm not Luke, I'm Rose!
Darth Vader: You don't know the power of the Dark Side!
Rose: Dad, I do not want to join your electricity company! You're business partner is Voldemort! He's a bad guy! And you're a bad guy! And I'm a good guy!
Darth Vader: You're lack of faith disturbs me
Rose: You know what, why don't you go talk to Luke…all the way on the other side of Hogwarts. He really wants to join your company. Go—GO!
Darth Vader: (exits, sulking)
Rose: Finally, alone…
The Doctor: (enters energetically. He is over enthusiastic in his movements. He is wearing a shirt with the TARDIS on it and a bow-tie and a fez) Amy! That's where you got off to!
Rose: I'm not Amy! My name's Rose!
The Doctor: Oh, hello Rose! Hey—how's that parallel universe?
Rose: What? Who are you?
The Doctor: I'm the Doctor, of course! Now, (he pulls Rose's diary out of her hands) I got a message on the psychic paper!
Rose: Wha—that's my diary!
The Doctor: Oh—sorry. (picks up another book from the floor.) I got a message on the psychic paper!
Rose: What's psychic paper?
The Doctor: Don't be silly! Anyways, it says "Come to the Dark Side," which I assume means "come to the Pandorica"
Rose: What's the Pandorica?
The Doctor: It's a box!
Rose: You are kidding me!
The Doctor: Come along!
Rose: Why should I go with you? You're wearing a bow-tie!
The Doctor: Yeah. Bow-ties are cool.
Rose: (groans but follows the Doctor)
They come to the Pandorica. It is a small shoebox with a post-it note saying "Pandorica." Messy graffiti says "Darth Vader waz here." Vader himself is asleep next to the box.
Rose: Darth Vader was here…my dad's the guard? Oh, come on! He's the most pathetic guard ever! Look! He's asleep!
The Doctor: Calm down, don't yell at me, it's not like I chose the guard! I'm braking into the thing!
Rose: could you hurry up? Today's Sunday, my free day! I want to go home!
Darth Vader arouses. He points his lightsaber at the Doctor
The Doctor: Don't worry, I've got this! (he pulls out the sonic screwdriver and points it at Vader. Vader immediately starts batting at the light, mesmerized by it) This is a sonic screwdriver. But right now, it's just a pretty green light (he opens the shoebox and takes out a glittery gold ball. he stops sonicking Vader and stares at the orb with wonder) This is what I've been searching for, for all 907 years of my life…
Rose: Wow…does it blow things up? Or—or turn people into animals?
The Doctor: No…it's a bouncy ball! (starts bouncing in it)
Rose: Oh, come on!
Darth Vader: Luke, I am your father!
Rose: Oh, God. Can we please go home now?
The Doctor: oh, of course! Now, I don't have the TARDIS anymore—
Rose: Why not?
The Doctor: Oh, the Angels have the Phonebox—I've got that on a T-shirt! Anyways, I don't have a TARDIS, but I do have this! (brandishes a small toy and starts playing with it)
Rose: Cool! What does it do?
The Doctor: Nothing. But it's so amusing, I could stay in this time period for years, just playing with it!
Rose: Yeah, I guess you're right! Can I see?
The Doctor: certainly!
Vader: Nooooo! Luke! I must save you! (throws himself in front of the toy and falls down the stairs)
Rose:…I think he's dead.
The Doctor: I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
Rose: (cheerily) Well, that solves that problem!
The Doctor:...I am confuzzled.
No time travelers, Jedi, or wizards were harmed in the making of this script. :)