So, this is a bit different for me. I don't normally write from anyone's POV other than Castle or Beckett's. But, this Ryan/Espo scenario kinda popped into my head. Just a short little one-shot. Nothing much; kind of pure randomness. Might retire it to my OS collection, depending on the response I get.
"Dude, you do it."
"Uh-uh, bro. Don't look at me."
"You and I both know you've got the stronger stomach here."
"Are you forgetting that you're gonna be doing this on a regular basis in about five months?"
"I've got Jenny for that."
"You honestly think she's gonna willingly change all the dirty diapers?" Esposito looked at his partner in disbelief.
"I can hope," Ryan replied with a shrug.
"Well, just in case, now is the time to practice," the detective indicated the baby lying on the changing table in front of them.
"We could just pretend we didn't notice."
"No, bro, they'd figure it out. Castle would never let us live it down, and Beckett would use deadly force if she came in and smelled that stench."
"So? She's their kid."
"Who we agreed to babysit," Esposito pointed out.
"Partially agreed," Ryan corrected, "We should have just bet money when Beckett challenged us to that friendly round of 'Whose Suspect Will Cave First'."
"Actually, we shouldn't have bet on that one at all. We knew she'd get it first."
"I'm still not changing the diaper."
"Then, I'm not changing it unless you help."
"Fine," Ryan conceded, "But, you handle the dirty diaper. I'll clean her and put the fresh one on."
Reluctantly agreeing, Esposito proceeded to undo the diaper. Finally getting it open, both men nearly gagged at the odor emanating from it. Both letting out cries of disgust, they plugged their noses and quickly turned away.
"Dude!" Ryan shouted, "That's nasty!"
"You're telling me."
Finally composing themselves, they turned back to their task. Ryan used the baby's ankles to lift her so that Esposito could remove the diaper.
"Okay, we need wipes," Ryan said as his partner disposed of the offending object.
Searching around the changing table for the wipes, all Esposito could find was baby powder, a package of clean diapers, and a few other various necessities—but no wipes.
"There aren't any," he said, shaking his head.
"Maybe there are extras stashed away. Go check the bathrooms and stuff," Ryan told him, "There's gotta be some around here."
Esposito left to search for the wipes, leaving his partner alone with the baby. A short time later, he returned to the nursery empty-handed.
"I can't find any," he said.
"You're kidding me, right?"
"Looks like we're gonna have to get creative here, then."
"No," Ryan shook his head, "She can get a diaper rash from that."
"That would require immediate laundering."
"Both, then? We could use the toilet paper to wipe the excess stuff, then finish cleaning her with the washcloth. No muss, no fuss."
"That will have to do."
Esposito exited the room, returning with a roll of toilet paper and a washcloth wet with warm water. Tearing off a decent amount of toilet paper from the roll, he handed it to Ryan.
"God, this is disgusting," he muttered as he wiped the baby down. Folding the paper so that only clean sections were exposed, he handed it to his partner who reluctantly took it and threw it in the trash can next to the changing table. Finally, he used to washcloth to pat the infant down then added baby powder.
After Esposito handed him a clean diaper, Ryan wrapped it around the infant and took a moment to admire his accomplished task.
"We did a good job, bro," Esposito said.
"We? No, I did a good job. You stood back and watched."
"I handed you things, didn't I?"
"Yeah, but...never mind. Let's just get her in her pajamas and try to get her to sleep."
Getting "Mini-Caskett" (a pet name coined by Ryan and Esposito themselves) to sleep turned out to be a much more difficult task than the detectives had thought it would be. Nothing would soothe this child to rest!
During the course of their attempts, she'd spit up on both of them, cried excessively, and dirtied her diaper again (thankfully it was only wet this time). It was almost 9:00 and they still hadn't gotten her to calm down long enough. They tried rocking her, singing to her, letting her lie in her crib and cry it out, burping her...whatever they could think of. Their efforts were fruitless.
When she finally fell asleep just before 10:00, the detectives both crashed onto the couch in the living room. And they were a site with their spit-up-stained shirts and, in Ryan's case, shaggy hair.
"We're never doing this again," Esposito looked and Ryan and pointed a finger at him.
"Though, it is your fault. You're the one who got cocky and challenged Beckett to the bet."
"My fault? You provoked her!"
"Uh-uh. That was you, bro."
"It was not."
"Boys!" they heard a female voice behind them.
Whipping their heads around they saw Castle and Beckett standing at the front of the living room. Beckett had her hands on her hips and was arching an eyebrow at them.
"Oh, hey guys," Ryan greeted them nervously, "We didn't hear you come in."
"Apparently not," Castle replied, then changed the subject, "Anyway, we're sorry we're late. While we were on our way back home, we had to make a quick stop to pick up some baby wipes."
He held up a grocery bag he'd been carrying.
"What?" he asked, noticing the way both detectives' eyes were narrowed at him.
They just shook their heads in disbelief and stood up to leave.
"Nice time to think about that," Esposito muttered as they made their way toward the front door of the loft.
"The kid's sleeping in the crib upstairs," Ryan told the couple, "We'll see you at the precinct tomorrow, Beckett."
"Uh...okay," she said awkwardly, "'Night."
The detectives were out the door without another word. Kate and Rick exchanged weird looks.
"What's gotten into them?" she wondered aloud to her husband.
"No idea," he shook his head, "Though, I think we should check on our daughter to make sure they didn't, you know, inflict any damage on her."
"Yes, but I wouldn't worry too much. If anything, she inflicted more damage on them."
Thoughts? Please review!
I actually wanted to make this a lot funnier. My idea came from the first episode of this great old sitcom called Full House. For anyone who's seen it, the scene in mind was when Danny left Joey and Jesse in charge of the girls and they had to change Michelle. But, Ryan and Esposito aren't stupid, clueless, or ridiculous enough for something like that, so I decided against having them running around with their heads cut off like that. Though, it would have been hilarious.
Anyway, feedback is appreciated :)