33Hello everyone! I know-I know- I haven't updated for so many months. And I truly feel bad for it, so here it is! It's not the biggest chapter around, but it's a start! I will try and update more from now on! Thank you SO much for the reviews! They made me want to update as fast as possible when I saw them :')
Please bear with me! U guys make me happy!
Chapter 4: Lost Destination
No matter how many times Kaito asked her, Gumi-san wouldn't reply "truthfully", as he saw it. The greenhead's replies would always revolve around "he didn't do it", "it wasn't him", "stop worrying about me", or "it's all right".
No, it wasn't alright. We both knew it. The way she cried her eyes out, gripping onto my shirt, shaking like a leaf, biting onto my shoulder so all possible sounds were kept shut. None of it was alright.
For a reason I couldn't quite pinpoint though, I believed her. What would she gain by watching Kamui's back if we were already aware something was wrong? Nothing. Not to mention, the way she glared at me when I suggested it was him...it was almost as if I insulted him to something irreversible.
"You can tell us..." My friend spoke to the girl with his all-time caring tone, which only came down to her shaking her head in dismay and trying to convince him for the zillionth time that "the monster" had nothing to do with it.
"Well, we could at least go someplace else guys, really..." I muttered, scratching my head. We'd been standing in the hallway for the past 30 minutes." It was my personal opinion that the best thing for her to do would be to leave for the day. Her clothes were ripped, she was bruised, she had cuts, she looked worn out, and worse of all, she wouldn't speak who did it, or what they did, Kamui or not, and us couple of irresponsible brats who up to that point took her for a nutcase-or me, at least, were in no place to demand and answer out of her.
"Come." Kaito spoke after a while, "I'll take you home."
The girl seemed to agree on the statement but her eyes wavered down at herself displeased, frowned, as she stared at her own state.
Yeah. I knew what it's like, that gut-burning need to hide things, I knew it well. I walked to my best friend and pulled his Trenchcoat off without his consent, rested it around the girl's shoulders and shrugged. "Button it up. Then nothing will show, I believe it's long enough..." my voice trailed off in guilt as I looked the other way. I doubt any of them noticed. It wasn't something so easily noticeable, that ability to lie about your physical state. It was lying after all, it was supposed to be unnoticeable. And it sickened the inner corner of my stomach how good I was at it.
"Thank you..." my classmate muttered softly and did as prompted.
The next few minutes swooed on pretty fast, with Kaito dragging her out of the building and me just standing there, watching them, wondering once more for the day, what I was doing.
I couldn't bring myself to go to the rest of the classes for the day, but I also couldn't just pick up and leave. My parents weren't the richest people around. I wish I was one of those rich brats who have everything served to them on golden plates, with golden, shiny kitchenware...I wish I could just ditch whenever I wanted to, but I couldn't. I had to stay, and try to pay attention to it all. I was enough of a disgrace as it is. A rotten, filthy-ugh!
Whatever I was, this wasn't the time for it. I had priorities, I had to go to the classroom, I had to pay attention...
My thoughts swayed when I found myself staring down at my wrists, from what I should do, to what i wanted to do...I wanted to lock myself up somewhere, use any sharp object possible and paint my skin red...It would make the pain a little more bearable...it would make the thoughts stop...it would drain me out, and then I'd casually fall flat on my bed, drift to sleep and be unable to get up next morning...
I shook my thoughts away and sighed, rushed into the elevator and punched the button numbered 4, then waited. It opened half-way, only to reveal a familiar, tall, manly figure walking into the elevator with me, along with another teacher unknown to me.
He was here. I felt my knuckles tighten as his enormous back blocked my view of anything, having squished me against the elevator's mirror.
Why? Why wasn't he alone? I had the perfect chance, I could ask him, or more like, interrogate him. Where were you last period? What happened to Gumi? If it isn't you, who was it? I knew he knew. Even if he wasn't responsible for her harassement, that bastard definitely knew. And the fact he did nothing about it only made him look more rotten in my eyes. Maybe so, even more than me. I kept back a chuckle as I watched him step out on the 3rd floor with the teacher, leaving me alone with the calculating thoughts that made my mind spin like a clockwork on fire.
The rest of the day went by relatively silently, with my sister aparently still avoiding to speak to me. I didn't really feel offended by it though. It served me right. I actually believed that it served me right and that this by itself wasn't punishment enough. I needed more. I needed to feel pain. Ignorance made me feel nothing.
"Len?"
Her calling shook me from my thoughts and I looked up at her tired-looking eyes. I couldn't really put my finger on it, but the poor thing looked like she hadn't shut an eye all night.
"Yes?" I replied. And silence.
I looked around the room only to find it empty, my voice practically echoing. Ah shit. I stood up fast smiling awkwardly and shoved my books into my backpack. "Sorry, sorry. I wasn't-
"
"-Paying attention". She cut me off.
I looked at her and frowned apologetically then lifted my backpack above my shoulder. "Yeah. Shall we?" was the only answer close to a coment I had, which sufficed as it seems, since we started walking back home.
I had never noticed how pretty the sky was before. No, seriously. It was such a faded blue by this time of the day, as far as the eye can reach, and right at the "roots", it was orange-tinted. Maybe I really found it beautiful. Or maybe it was just my way of distracting myself from reality, or the atmosphere I had to live through. I knew the interrogating was coming. But I felt tired, too tired to care. There was only thing in the whole wide world I wanted right now. And that was the security I felt behind the locked door of my bedroom.
"You. . " her voice began. I squeezed my eyes shut for a long moment and sighed soundlessly. "You're doing it again. . . aren't you?"
What was I to say to her. . ? I was tired of the lies. I was really, truthfully, just tired. Not knowing how to respond, I found myself just walking silently, with my hands awkwardly in the pockets of my jacket. For some odd reason I had this weird fear that she might just grab them any minute and demand to see. I didn't want her to see. I wanted nobody to see. Wait- what if she told mom and dad? I unconsciously turned and glared at her in raw fear.
And my sister only stared back at me in a sense I would call rather bitter, lifeless, even. God no...I missed her smile...her goofy attitude...it brightened my day, I loved it, I really did. I hadn't seen any of it today, not even a spark...
"You aren't answering." She commented.
Rin. What did she want to hear? She knew the truth already. She had seen it. Why were words needed to proove her right? What am I saying...? Isn't it human nature after all? Actions are never enough. Each and every one of us, saying that actions are what matter best ,when actions by themselves are never enough. Words, always words, words to make our point clear. Words to clarify things. Words...
"I have nothing to answer." I replied bitterly.
"I asked you something!" Rin snapped at me and grabbed me by the shoulder, forcing my hands out. As expected. I chuckled at the realization I just thanked god for my wristbands.
"I do not wish to answer, Rin." My bitter mouth replied to her before my head could fully analyze it.
After that, I got what I wanted. I got my silence, my solitude. Rin ran ahead through the gate we were nearing and stormed into her bedroom, leaving me to deal with our parents' questioning.
"What happened?"
"Did you two fight?"
"Did something happen?"
"Did you do something to her?"
"Did anyone hurt her?"
No...no...no...no... and no...
Leave me alone. That's what I wanted to say. But I couldn't. I didn't have the heart, nor the right to, so instead of speaking my thoughts out loud I kept explaining that nothing was wrong and lie. For the hundredth time, lie to them. Lie that Rin wouldn't tell me, that I didn't know anything, that they should ask her. They weren't convinced. At least my father wasn't. His questiioning eyes spoke so. He didn't need to talk. My mother was the one asking. My father was only silently watching, like a merciless falcon. His eyes made me weak at my feet. I avoided seeing them and when the interrogation of doom was finished, I grabbed an apple from the table, a small knife, rushed up to my room, locked it up and threw the apple in the trash can.
I finally had my peace now. . .
There we have it! Not a very musically-oriented chapter but that will come on the next one.