This is just something random I wrote today while procrastinating studying for finals! Just meant to be silly. :) Good luck to Prince William and Catherine Middleton! Not that you're reading a random girl's fanfiction before your wedding...XD.
Dear Prince William,
I noticed that you're getting married tomorrow, to a lady Catherine no less. While I wish you the utmost luck, and a hearty congratulations, I felt I must warn you because marriage is….Well...
It's HIGHLY overrated. You'll marry a Catherine everyone loves, then find yourself dumping her because you're pining over a self-absorbed She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named who can't deliver in the son-bearing department. You'll have She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named sent to the block only to have her DAUGHTER become one of England's greatest monarch's. I'm STILL trying to stop Cromwell from defining my name in Urban Dictionary as, "Ironic Idiot." I did so by hiding his Starbucks Gold Card. And then, once you finally discover your PERFECT MATCH...
She dies faster than a Magikarp in a Pokemon battle against the King of France. Sadly, she cannot be revived because queens cannot be called back into Pokeballs so they can be healed later.
And then once you try to be all diplomatic with your NEXT marriage, you end up with a most-beloved sister who you mistakenly likened to a horse. Mid-life crisis comes next, and don't be surprised when she makes you a CUCKOLD with one of your servants. I honestly suggest avoiding the hiring of ANYBODY with the name Thomas. Just saying.
Hopefully your sixth time is a charm. Better yet, hopefully your first time is the only time you find yourself saying, "I do." Because trust me, after the fifth time, it loses all of it's luster, and you find yourself pining for the days where you could just have a roll in the hay with a woman without them wanting you to put a ring on it.
King Henry Tudor, VIII.