A.N: These next few weeks will be very busy for me, so don't expect updates very often.
MORE A.N: I'm fairly new to the fandom, so if anyone acts OOC, that's probably why. R, R, and enjoy (or at least try to, LOL!)
~Talos Angel, Fanfiction Writing Yukkuri~
MAHOU SHOUJOU MADOKA MAGICKA: KYUBEE'S LAMENT
CHAPTER ONE: RECONSIDERATION
-Kyubee had been trying to convince Madoka to make a contract with him for years without success. Kyubee had tried everything; acting cute, using bishies as bait, hiring monsters to attack her friends, Kyubee even tried holding her goldfish hostage at one point, but the pink-haired girl has yet to budge.
"I don't understand," Kyubee groaned as he paced his "home" under a bridge in the park, "I thought EVERY young girl would LOVE to become a magical girl and fight witch monsters! But not her!"
"Not all kids are like that, ya know," Kurtis, Kyubee's homeless live-in partner pointed out, "Some kids have different fantasies."
"And what the fuck would you know?" Kyubee snapped, completely exasperated, "You're a hobo!"
Kurtis shrugged. "I was a kid at one point, too."
Kyubee took another swig from the ale that Kurtis brought back to their sleeping place. "Am I incompetent? Have I really failed so badly that I can't convince some dumb bitch to join my club?"
"Look on the bright side," Kurtis whistled optimistically, "You've convinced some of her friends to join yer stupid club..."
"Yeah," Kyubee sneered sarcastically, "A Bulimic would-be fatass who swallows everything that's edible, and uses laxatives to shit it all out, her bitch, and some random blonde slut...but not HER specifically!"
Kurtis chuckled a bit. "Back before I got laid off from my job as a salesperson, I would just move on if someone didn't buy the product, rather than stalk them everywhere."
Kyubee glared at Kurtis, "S...s-s...she's special, OK?"
Kurtis pat Kyubee on the head while cooing. "Sounds like someone wants a GIRLFRIEND! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Shut the fuck up, Kurtis." Kyubee growled.
"Madoka and Kyubee sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Kurtis began to sing.
Kyubee threw the ale bottle at a laughing Kurtis. "Hey, man," Kurtis chortled, "I was just jokin'!"
"HMMPH!" Kyubee grumbled.
You know...maybe she's listening to that Homu chick more than I thought, Kyubee pondered, Maybe I should look into that...
"I herd the winter prom is coming up," Kurtis said, interrupting Kyubee's train of thought, "Everyone's gonna be bringing a date! Do YOU know who YOOOOU wanna take?"
Kyubee glared into Kurtis' eyes for a second. "No." Kyubee replied.
Kurtis sighed as he laid back. "Maybe she'd dig you're crazy entropy shit if she thought you were sexy," Kurtis suggested.
Kyubee thought about this, and realized how brilliant of an Idea it was! "Kurtis! For once, your input is actually useful to me!"
There was, of course, just one problem; Kyubee was a small animal-like critter, and Madoka was a human! There's no way she'd find him attractive enough to consider it!
"Gee...I thought YOU could grant wishes and shit!" Kurtis pointed out to the pondering Kyubee.
"Shit! You're right!' Kyubee realized.
Kyubee pulled out a wish contract and wrote on it:
[I wish I was an attractive human!
-Now there was only one more step that needed to be done for Kyubee to do; make a soulgem! Kyubee pulled the empty gem out of his ass, and set it on the ground. Kyubee pointed his rear at the soulgem, and began to push and grunt like a constipated squirrel. After a few awkward minutes, Kyubee pushed his soul out and into the soulgem.
"This is it!" Kyubee chirped victoriously, "Now I will become a sexy human!"
-Kyubee felt an unbearable pain all over his body; it was like having a growing pain as a kid, only everywhere on your body simultaneously, and about ten times as worse. Kyubee wasn't just growing; his entire body was undergoing a full, rapid metamorphosis. Every bone, squared centimeter of skin, every organ, everyTHING had to be greatly expanded and supersized; Kyubee's front legs had twisted into human arms, his legs stretched upright to imitate that of a bipedal human. Kyubee's entire body began to rapidly shed its fur as he grew in size, and Kyubee's face had grown several features; a nose, eyebrows, etc. What were once Kyubee's second set of ears were now Kyubee's hair, and what was once a tail was shed off entirely.
Kyubee looked into the water beneath the bridge to see the result.
He looked very, very feminine.
"What The Fuck?" Kyubee snapped angrily, "Why do I look like a chick?"
"Ah! That look is very popular among girls these days," Kurtis pointed out, "Haven't you ever read Fruits Basket, or Ouran Host High School Club?"
"But I have boobs and a female-ish face and everything!" Kyubee groaned, groping his new love handles to show.
"Maybe because you're a hermaphrodite," Kurtis laughed, "You didn't specify WHO you wanted to be sexy for in that contract!"
Kyubee looked down, and noticed that Kurtis was right; Kyubee had both a penis, and a birth canal directly beneath it, with his testicles being internal to accommodate for the second genitalia.
Kyubee also noticed that he was naked.
"EEEEEEEEEK!" Kyubee squealed as he/she covered her breasts and crotch. "KURTIS!"
Kurtis laughed his ass of as Kyubee blushed and huddled in the corner crying from embarrassment. "Aww, don't worry," He assured the newly-mad shemale, "I think I have some extra clothes lying around somewhere!"
"Find them!" The sensitive incubator demanded.
After getting dressed, Kyubee sighed. "How the hell is this going to work?"
"I dunno," Kurtis giggled, "Id've tapped you given the chance..."
Kyubee looked down at herself; she was wearing a plaid jacket over a greasy red t-shirt, with baggy jean pants and some old worn-out hiking shoes. "I look like a bum!" Kyubee cried.
"I am a bum!" Kurtis pointed out, "So those are the only clothes I had!"
This was no good; Kyubee needed a decent makeover, and FAST!