My mom sent me a letter today. She told me you stopped by for a visit and helped her around the house because she's so lonely without me. Thank you for that. In her letter, there was a picture of us she told me she found under the coffee table. I remember Alli took it the day we first got together. Your eyes were bright as he you held me in your arm and I looked so comfortable with you.
I miss those days.
Hollywood is boring now; there is nothing fun to do because everyone's so stuck up. I can't go out much either without the paparazzi mauling me. I spend a lot of time when I'm not working on a movie or TV episode in my Hollywood home. My sister lives with me now and we spend all of our time together because she thinks I've gotten depressed. I guess I kind of am…
I remember that video project we made about our modern interpretation of Romeo and Juliet. I remember how I had to kiss your soda-sticky lips and pretend to die by you. I remember the sparks I felt when I kissed you and I saw you felt it too. We were both so freaked out…
I remember how much I had to work to be your girlfriend, with your hoarding and extreme personality, but I'm not complaining. It was kind of fun helping you with your problems and it made me feel good inside that I could help you, that I was good for something. I still love you, but I'm scared.
It was one thing, picking fights with Fitz and where that led, but I could handle that because it brought us a little closer. Then you started suffocating me with your love. I wasn't used to that, and maybe that's why I pushed you away. I've made a lot of mistakes, but that has to be the biggest mistake I've ever made.
Whatever I thought your flaws were, they don't matter to me anymore. Being away from you in the year I've been in Hollywood made me realize just how much I love you.
But I guess that doesn't matter anymore.
My mom told me she asked you if you wanted my address so you could write to me, but you turned her down. Does that mean you've moved on? I lay awake every night wondering that now. It's getting hard to go to sleep knowing I won't wake up the next day and be able to see your face, feel your warmth, or have you love me like you used to.
You're a Senior now. I've spent my entire Junior year in Hollywood and I've kept my marks up. But even if I went back home, you'd probably be off at college somewhere. Sure I could ask Bullfrog where you were, but it would be hard having a long distance relationship like that. When I went to school with you, it felt like miles when we were only doors away from each other; you at college would be continents apart…
There wasn't much purpose for writing this letter. You'll never read it. You'll never know how much I loved you, how much I still love you. I hope and pray every night that you'll come back to me, or send me some kind of sign that you want me back, but maybe God doesn't work for everyone. Maybe…maybe God hates me for the things I've done. I really don't care, because I made all of those changes when I was with you. I can only pray, though…
I love you so much,
SumawesomEchQ thought it would be a good idea to put a letter from Clare in here, so I went along with it.