A/N I haven't decided if I should continue this or leave it as it is. Tell me what you think. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it! The song is Castle Walls by T.i. ft. Christina Aguilera.
Disclaimer: I own neither the song or Glee. If I did, Rachel would have a solo in every episode.
Everyone thinks that I have it all
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls
Everyone thinks they know Rachel Berry. They think she's a diva, spoiled, self-centered, confident and that she has loving fathers. That's just the facade she's built up over the years. They don't know her at all.
She feels empty inside. At school, she gets slushied, called derogatory names, pushed into lockers but worst of all, she has no friends. Everytime she sees a glee clubber standing in the hallway, slushie dripping down their face and clothes, they always get ushered of to the bathroom by a fellow member.
Nobody ever rushes to her aid. She's always left standing in the halls, drenched, cold and alone. She's sure she's seen at least Finn snicker as she rushes to the nearest bathroom, attempting to hold her head high before breaking down in one of the stalls.
She knows why they don't like her. They think she hogs all the solos in glee club and cannot accept having her spotlight threatened. They're right about that, but they don't understand why. Her dad was so happy the day she joined glee club, he said it was a good way to show off her talent and he even praised her when she got her first solo. She doesn't get praised often.
Then there was the day she lost a solo. She remembered the slaps and yells that echoed through the house. You useless girl! You're not trying hard enough! You're never going to be a star, you're never going to be Broadway, you're just a waste of space! Go up to your room and reflect on what you did wrong!
She did and she knew what she had done wrong. She hadn't tried her best, so everytime her spotlight is threatened, she does whatever it takes to make sure it stays hers. Unfortunately for her, it doesn't always work and that wasn't the last time her dad tried to "knock some sense" into her.
Her dad. She tells people she has two and in a way, she does. There's the kind and affectionate one, the one that buys her gifts on her birthday and ruffles her hair lovingly as he leaves for work. Then there's the angry and violent one, the one that has expectations she'll never meet and punishes her when she doesn't.
The only thing is, they're just two sides of the same person. Hiram Berry. She doesn't know what to expect from him and that scares her. He scares her.
Then there's Shelby. She doesn't even want to start with Shelby.
These castle walls
If I should tumble, if I should fall
Would anyone hear me screaming behind these castle walls
She's falling apart. She knows it. Everytime she's hit in the face with a slushie or called another mean nickname, she can feel her facade breaking. She pretends it doesn't hurt, she tries to hold her head high as she walks down the hallway but it's getting harder and she doesn't know how long she can keep it up.
She's never letting anyone in again, behind the walls she's built up so carefully to protect herself. She can't trust anyone but herself and she's learnt that the hard way.
Finn. He kissed her in the auditorium and then he left, telling her not to tell anyone, then he toyed with her feelings to get himself a scholarship and that was before he dumped her to find his inner rock star. He broke her heart more than once.
Kurt. She thought he was actually trying to help her by giving her a makeover. How wrong she was, she thinks bitterly. He made a fool of her. A clown.
She could go down the list of people who've let her down but she doen't want to waste her time. It's too long and only reminds her of how naive she was. She's not anymore.
Nobody cares. Not the glee club, not her dad, not Shelby. She wonders, if she were to crash and burn, would anybody give her a second thought? Or would they just leave her with pitying glances and carry on with their miserable lives?
There's no-one here at all, behind these castle walls