I felt him go limp in my arms and I closed my eyes tightly. "It will be okay one day Trent. I promise I'm going to get you through this." I whispered to the unconscious man in my arms. Looking at him he seemed so calm and peaceful, almost innocent. A man who had had a rough life with no shelter from a hurricane. I pulled him closer, stroking over the back of his head, unable to get the picture of a gun pressed to the back of his skull out of my mind. I shivered and placed a soft kiss where the barrel of the gun had been, it's not a sight I ever wanted to see again. I inhaled this man's scent, smiling at the smell of old spice and gun powder. Of course he would smell of gun powder, I stroked over his cheek fondly. I honestly couldn't explain what had made me fall in love with this man so rapidly. It was like a tornado tearing through me, running in my veins. I snorted, if any of my co-workers laid eyes on me right now, well they'd think I'd lost my mind.
But I hadn't. No, I had just fallen head over heels in love with Trent Kort. I smiled. I ran my hand down his arm enjoying the feel of my hand against his warm, ivory skin, the friction sending goosebumps up my arms. I closed my eyes feeling our body heat mix making it seem like we had melted and melded into one. I shuddered imagining what it would feel like if we ever made love. I snorted 'if'. We would, but only when Trent was ready, I wouldn't push him even though he was a beautiful man. He really was a one of a kind beauty. I had been lusting over him ever since he slammed me against the elevator door after he blew up my car. I nearly laughed. He was so strong, and warm, his body heat flew out of him like a furnace even though we were seven inches apart. I could smell his scent, I studied his fine features, the beautiful angles his face held that made me want to run a finger over his features, the five o'clock shadow that I longed to rub my cheek against, the perfect jaw line I wanted to wet with kisses, the thin, perfectly curved, rough lips that caressed his deep, accented words that made me tremble, especially when I imagined them around mine. And those eyes, changing from brown to blue, to a hazel-green. And the way he looked in a tight t-shirt. I could see his muscles rippling underneath his shirt, could feel the firmness and solidness that was Trent.
How I wished to pull our bodies together, pressing my entire body against his, to feel his body flowing underneath my hands, to feel his warmth and god to taste it, it almost drove me crazy to be near him when I wanted him so. I was ashamed when I watched the footage that Kort had brought over on Operation Frankenstein. I had sat in the back, luckily the room was dark, otherwise they would have noticed me. I watched in sick fascination. I tried to keep my eyes on the Kort in front of us but my eyes kept being drawn to the screen. He had just shaved, wearing the tightest black t-shirt available in his size and tight fitting black slacks, his brown eyes hard and cold. But god was he sexy, I bit my lip as I watched him punch Cobbs in the ribs, the strength in the punch making me gasp quietly, I raked my eyes over the beauty on screen, the tight, thin waist leading up to a firm well sculpted abdomen, the curve of his muscles bulging out of his shirt in all the right places, how I longed to run my hands over them, to give him hickey's and drive him as crazy as he drove me. I couldn't help but fantasize about him throughout the video, I left before anyone could notice I had been there and went to the bathroom.
I flushed as I sat on the toilet, face in my hands as I stared down at my erected cock. I had just watched Kort make a man into a monster, and I was hard. Just his name sent shivers down me. And the rare times he touched me, or I touched him, I felt a searing burn shock me. Like we were melded together. I craved more and more, it was torture when he left, but also a blessing because then I could finally concentrate on my job instead of his nicely shaped ass, betting myself it was firm, and would fill my hands just right. Yes, I lusted after him like a lost puppy dog, undressing him with my eyes most of the time, but it wasn't all just about the physical. The man was probably the strongest, and slyest I've ever met. There was no denying he was cunning and clever. Highly intelligent, and would do whatever it took to get a job done. He was determined, patient, he had a good understanding of human nature and how people would react to a situation. He could easily think four moves ahead, he always seemed to know just where to put pressure to make things happen. Not once have I ever really seen him angry, he had a tight grip on his feelings, and he was independent, use to taking care of himself. Not clingy.
He could make a conversation with anyone about anything, and could easily adjust and adapt to anything, anyone, any place. Any change. He could be what anyone wanted him to be. He was an amazing read of people, within seconds he could tell you what any single person was all about. It stunned me sometimes how he could just step into a room and read the situation correctly in seconds and adapt to it in half the time it took him to read it. And even more, the man actually had a sense of humor, even though it was slightly twisted, the banter that passed back and forth was reassuring and comforting. It had taken a while but I had slowly began to be at ease around Trent, I even found myself smiling slightly when I saw him at NCIS. Not that I ever let anyone see it. I enjoyed his company, he was no nonsense and he didn't feel the need to fill the silence with some mundane talk about warlocks and elf lords. I felt better with him at my side. Not cause I trusted him so much as I knew how good a shot he was and how ruthless he was. And as untrustworthy as Kort was he always kept his word.
Being around him made me feel stronger, I'd never admit this to anyone, as they were all so sure I had slammed Kort into the phone booth out of anger and protectiveness of Ziva, but I didn't. It was driving me insane sitting around while Cobbs was doing God knows what to her, I could feel the panic filling me, I had felt useless. I had went to see Kort. The moment I slammed him into the booth I felt better with him so close to me, the firm chest moving up and down with each every breathe he took, I could see the rage in his eyes as he angrily went off on me. I felt myself calm, my mind clearing, could feel myself going back to normal. He was just what I needed at that time, and when I had him pinned to the booth he was all I wanted. I really thought I was going to rip his clothes off and take him right then and there. I somehow managed to restrain myself but I promised myself that one day we would be together.
I looked down as he stirred in my arms. I loved him. I loved everything about him, I may not be able to explain why or how but it was true. And for once I loved both the body and the heart equally. That had never been the case with anyone but Jeanne. Kort just slipped unnoticed through my defenses like they weren't even there. Maybe it was because I never thought he and I ever had a chance, maybe it was because nothing that good ever happened to me. Taking his hand in mine I placed a soft kiss on the top of it, he was easily the best thing that's ever happened to me. And now that we were finally together I'd do my best to not mess it up. I laid him on the bed gently, sitting by his side I took off his shirt and pants and got him back into just his boxers, running a hand over his chest soothingly I turned him over gently, beginning to give him a neck and back massage, placing gentle kisses on his bald scalp. i closed my eyes breathing in, remembering the terrible screams that had issued from Kort only an hour ago. I shuddered. I never thought it could hurt me so much to see him in such agony, but to actually hear his side of the rape, hear his screams, and pleas, to hear him apologizing to me, and begging for me, calling my name out, to hear him whimper, and fight, to groan and grunt and cry, shake and sob in my arms...it shattered me.
I knew I had to be strong for him, I couldn't waste time pitying him, and feeling sorry that I couldn't save him. I had to heal him, had to be there for him, I couldn't do that if I kept breaking down. No matter how much it hurt this was about him, not me. I would make sure he got as much help as possible. I would do anything to ease his pain, I just wished I could take it all away. I didn't know what to do or say in this situation. I just hoped letting him know I was there and that I always loved him was enough. I sighed as I ran a finger down his spine, seeing him shiver under me, I smiled softly. The smile turned to a frown when I looked down at his thighs and saw a bruise that was hidden mostly by his tight underwear. He was wearing tight, white boxer-briefs that hugged his ass and cock so tightly I could see every vein and every curve in his ass and member. I couldn't begin to describe to you how much I wanted to rip down his underwear and fuck him so far into the bed he couldn't get back up.
But that wasn't the reason I began to pull off his boxers. I needed to see where the bruise went to, I had a suspicion but needed proof to get him some help. I felt horrible that I was violating the man's privacy in such a way, without him even knowing it, but I wanted to make sure he was okay. He obviously wasn't going to tell me himself. I winced, feeling the rage once more take hold of me. These past few days I've seemed to only experience overwhelming heart ache, love and rage. Only Trent could provoke such strong responses in me, I smiled softly before returning to the bruise that covered between his thighs, and his ass, growing darker around his enterance, dried blood crusted around it.
"Oh Trent. You should have told me." I said softly, wanting to finger the black bruise but not daring to, I gently slid his underwear back up. Calling my Father's Doctor in England I made an appointment with him, I knew Trent needed to get some professional help for the damage he had suffered down there. Whether he wanted to or not. We had left the hospital before they could address the issue. I just hoped he hadn't been infected. It would explain the fever and sickness. I took his hand in mine and got on my knees and prayed. Something I had never done before in my life. But I needed this man to be okay.
I looked him in the eyes as he woke up, I smiled and ran a hand over the back of his head. "Hey you. Are you okay?" I whispered as his blue haunted, tortured, eyes bored in to mine. He nodded silently, I took his hand in mine and tugged.
"Come on, we're almost there." I said, redressing him gently, my hands resting on his waist, feeling his bones under my hand I breathe in and place a kiss right under his belly button, I saw his eyes close as he placed a hand on the back of my head. I smiled and pulled his shirt over his head, he was smiling back up at me.
"Geez thanks Mom." He said sarcastically.
"Anytime darling." I said tweaking his nose, he glared at me, I pulled him up just as the plane landed. It only took us twenty minutes to check into our hotel room, giving him his meds, I fooled him into the car.
"DiNozzo please tell me you are not taking me out on a date. If I have to suffer through another movie with you I swear to god I will shoot you." He said coldly.
"Don't worry darlin', it's nothing like that." I drawled out in my best fake british accent as we pulled into a doctor's parking lot. Getting out with him, he looked at me curiously. I sighed.
"Trent...you need to be treated for the..the rape. You're hurt down there and it could get infected. We need to take care of this. I'm sure it hurts like hell." I said quietly as we stood in front of the car.
"You took off my clothes while I was asleep? What else did you do DiNozzo, did you fuck me then? I bet it was way easier to pin me down and take me that way." He sneered, I closed my eyes, feeling like he had just slapped me in the face.
"It wasn't like that Trent. I had seen the bruises between your thighs, I had to make sure you were okay. I just peeked. I didn't touch." I said softly, looking him in the eye, "I wouldn't do that to you Trent. I'm sorry I invaded your privacy, but you weren't telling me everything and I don't want you in pain." I nearly flinched when he moved his hand towards my face, he pulled his hand back as if he had been burned. I took it in his hand.
"He'll have to touch me." He said quietly looking at the building. I closed my eyes unable to look at him, my heart hurting once more.
"I'll be right there Trent, I'll make sure he doesn't do anymore than he has to." I said squeezing his hand. "I promise it'll be okay." He just ignored me but I was finally able to lead him into the office, telling the receptionist who I was. She nodded and pointed me to an exam room, taking Trent I didn't think twice as we walked in the room, shrugging it off when I saw her dialing the phone. I closed the door, looking at the papers she had given me. I breathed in. As I walked behind Trent.
"Take your clothes off, from the waist down." I read quietly, he did as told, but in complete silence, I could see how tense he was, I directed him to lay down face down on the bed, making him spread his legs. It killed me to see him in that position. I thought it would turn me on but the look of torture on his face, the discomfort and fear and pain etched right into the lines of his mouth and eyes, made me question if I was doing the right thing or not. I sat next to him and rubbed his back. "It'll be okay Trent, it'll be over soon then we can get some meds for you and go back to our hotel room. Don't you worry."
He still remained silent, tensing even more as the door opened and the middle-aged doctor, that looked a bit like Tom Cruise entered the room. Snapping on latex gloves. I saw Trent's eyes close, he swallowed hard and flinched when the doctor stepped between his two legs. "He the rape victim?" I nodded quietly as I watched Trent with loving eyes. "Alright well, let's start."
"Mister Kort, I'm going to have to put my fingers up you. I'll be looking for tears and blood. Then I'll need to put a scope in you, and I may need to take a tissue sample for analysis. I will do this as painlessly as possible, you have no reason to be embarrassed, I've done this quite alot. just relax and it'll hurt less." He said smoothly, I sat on the bed next to Trent and wrapped an arm around his shoulders as the doctor opened his ass cheeks and put his finger inside Trent, my lover jerking up I grabbed him tight, whispering reassurances to him, he held onto my arm tightly, sure he'd love bruises I didn't even flinch. He wouldn't meet my eyes, his face was turning red, I could tell how humiliating and degrading this was to him.
"Is there anyway you could hurry up?" I asked softly, looking at the doctor, he nodded looking grim. Taking the scope he gently pushed it up, I heard Trent breathing heavily, grunting in pain. I hated to see him in pain but this had to be done. It didn't help ease my guilt though, not when Trent was in such agony inches from me. It was during the scoping that the door burst. I shot up, grabbing my gun before I realized I was staring at Gibbs. I still felt the urge to grab my gun, even as he looked at the scene calculatingly, squinting his eyes like he does when he doesn't understand something. I growled and shut the curtain around Trent, seeing him glare at Gibbs, trying to hide himself.
"You can wait outside Gibbs, I will come to see you when Trent's exam is done." I said coldly. I couldn't forgive Gibbs for leaving Trent behind in that hell hole to die with those horrible memories being his last. I took a deep breathe trying to get a hold of my anger, returning to Trent I kissed his temple. "Don't worry I'll deal with him. He'll do this for me. He has to." I said in his ear.
"I'm not worried about Gibbs, I'm worried about who he reports to." Kort replied
"We'll fly out of here as soon as we get your meds. We'll have to be more careful." I said, just as the doctor told us he was done and would send the blood down to analysis, writing him a perscription I took the directions.
"He has to rub this cream in his anal track to heal, three times a day, clean well before putting it on. He'll take these pills for infection. These both will last for two weeks." He said, I nodded and thanked him.
"Get dressed, I'm going to go see my boss." leaving Trent behind felt wrong, but I had no choice, I didn't know if Gibbs had come alone. I glared at the man I had once trusted.
"DiNozzo, you're going to explain to me why I had to fly-" I punched him in the face. Blood flew from his nose as he stumbled back, Ziva and McGee reaching for their guns but not drawing them, they looked shocked, and confused.
"You left him to die, you bastard." I hissed coldly, all feeling gone, feeling number and emptier than I had all year. I waited for the retaliation swing but instead he told McGee and Ziva to beat it.
"Tony, we need to talk." Gibbs said calmly, cleaning himself up with his handkerchief.
"CIA or anyone else follow you or know you are here?" I asked coldly, he shook his head. I sighed and nodded, "I guess we both owe each other that. There's a lunch room somewhere's near...here." I stepped into a room with a sofa and tables and plopped down on one.
"CIA and FBI put you on there most wanted list. You're a fugitive now Tony. Hiding a known criminal." Gibbs started, I felt the air go out of me. I suspected that would happen but to hear I was now the guy I once use to lock up was something completely different. I wondered if this is how Trent felt during his missions.
"Figured." I looked down, what could I say to Gibbs? There was nothing he could ever understand. How could I ever answer Why are you throwing your life away for Kort? in a way he'd understand. "You left him to die."
Gibbs sighed, "Yes DiNozzo I did. I figured he'd get out by himself. I didn't know he was as hurt as he was." I slumped back. "Why are you doing this Tony? Kort isn't your responsibility anymore. He never was. The man blew up your car and ruined your love life." Gibbs smirked at the last bit, I laughed at the irony.
"You'd never understand Gibbs. You'd probably send me for a psych eval." I snorted bitterly looking at my hands. "I don't know how to explain. I shouldn't have to. I wish you could just accept some things and move on, but I know that's not who you are."
"Can't help who I am Tony. But you've been my second in command, my Senior Field Agent for ten years DiNozzo. You can tell me. Who else you got to tell?" Gibbs said in the warmest tone I have ever heard him speak in.
"I don't know if I can trust you anymore. This...it's very dangerous...if I tell you it could have ramifications that would kill me." My voice shaked as I admitted to my mentor, the man who taught me everything I knew, the man who I owed everything. He was the only one who knew me inside and out, I'm surprised he hadn't figured it out by now. Hell he probably knew I loved Trent before I did. I smiled ruefully, as Gibbs looked at him expressionless.
"I'm sorry Tony." I heard Gibbs say I jerked my head up, Gibbs never apologized, it was a sign of weakness except between friends. But did Gibbs really consider me his friend? After all I was his subordinate, and it's not like we ever talked like friends do. I looked into his eyes, or was this all a ploy.
"Good for you Jethro." I winced as the words left my mouth, I don't know why I said them. My chest was tight, everything was wrong about this and it was completely fucking my mind over. It hurt to be so close to the man I considered a father and feel so very far away. Would my confession bring us closer or push us farther away, so far away we could never make up the distance? I felt torn, I wanted to tell him but then again I didn't. My insecurities were tearing me up inside. What would Gibbs say? What would he think? I mean I never even told him I was gay, let alone in love with Trent Kort. Would he fire me? Would I disgust him? Would he think me a total idiot? Would he accuse Trent of playing with my emotions, of fooling me into believing his love is true? I didn't need to be judged by my boss right now on top of everything else.
He just stared at me expectantly. "You gonna tell me, or do I have to get Ziva?" He said lightly, smirking slightly. I chuckled nervously.
I coughed and looking at my hands, "Trent and I...we're together Gibbs. I'm in love with him. I have been for quite a while." I waited for the anger, for the condemnation but instead silence was my reply. I looked up at him. He looked very amused.
"It's about time for god's sake I thought I'd have to play match maker." Gibbs said smiling slightly, my eyes bulged before I shrunk back in myself, thinking, feeling resentment rise in him, I gave him a dark look.
"If you knew I loved him why didn't you help him?" I said carefully.
"I don't like or trust him. But I didn't know how hurt he was." Gibbs said quietly.
I got up quickly and leaned over and hissed, "No you didn't. Think about what you saw in that room. I must get back to Kort. He's probably wondering if we've killed each other."
"DiNozzo, I'll try to keep the CIA off your trail as long as possible, but you can't run forever. You're gonna need a game plan eventually. If you ever have one, call me." I nodded watching him collect Ziva and McGee, I could tell they were arguing, asking why I wasn't coming with them. I returned to Trent.
"Still alive. Good. Now you can get me out of this blasted place!" He snarled, I raised my eyebrow.
"Well someone is grouchy. Don't worry you'll be napping on the plane Mister." I said smiling, grabbing his arm and trying to lead him out of the room. He glared at me, shoving me hard off of him, I grunted in pain as the small of my back hit the corner of the counter hard, I gave a thin cry of pain, feeling it dig into my spine, stars shooted in my eyes as I began feeling numb and woozy.
I barely saw him turn around before he grabbed me as I began to sink to the floor, I breathed heavily, old spice filling my nostrils as I rested my head on his shoulder. He held me up, I tried standing but it's like my legs no longer existed. "Trent." I said in fear, not use to not being able to feel my limbs.
"I'm sorry Tony. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to harm you." I nodded as he held me up, "I am just not feeling like myself."
"Or maybe too much like yourself." I mumbled to myself, but I knew he heard me, he tensed, his arms almost letting me go. I cringed. I knew I had just hurt him. I was the only one who knew he was a real human being, the only one that acknowledged that the person he was during a job wasn't really the true him. But I had just refuted that right to his face. I as good as spit in his face and call him a whore. I wisely kept silent as he continued to drag me out of the doctors and to the car. He drove us back to the plane, by the time we boarded I was beginning to feel back to normal.
After hurting him so I didn't expect what happened next, nor did I expect what was soon to come.