Several Things (Not Five) That Liz Lemon Might Have Avoided with a Simple Google Search
Chapter Three – A few nights later…
"He took off four months after Gwen was born. He's living with the girlfriend now." Karen's voice was brittle.
"Oh, I'm so sorry." Liz upended her wine glass, then refilled it and thoughtfully handed it to Karen. Karen sipped it a little more slowly as Liz poured a second one for herself. They were at Liz's apartment the next Saturday night: Karen's ex had Gwen for the weekend.
"Whatever, he's just the last in a string of bad choices. I always fall for these guys who are all charisma and no substance."
"To hell with charisma!" Liz declared, lifting her glass.
"To hell with guys," Karen said, lifting her own, and Liz laughed. Karen sobered quickly as she continued. "Honestly, though, I just… I seem to have a habit of picking guys who fall for other girls. I don't know what's wrong with me," she added, a sudden vulnerability invading her eyes.
"What? Nothing's wrong with you! Who are these guys leaving you? Where's their heads?" Liz was feeling a little drunk, but also very sincere.
Karen laughed. "Thanks, Liz. No, seriously, I don't know. The one before Dan was a lousy situation, I was sort of the rebound girl and then –"
"The other team stole the ball back?"
"Something like that. But with Dan –" She exhaled, a short puff of air that lifted her bangs a little bit. "I don't know what happened. This – Lynda – chick didn't come along until after we were married. And…" Karen bit her lip.
"Oh, no." Liz saw that Karen looked like she was going to cry. She didn't know how she, Liz would bear it if Karen started to cry. That would be too sad. Too, too sad. Too, too, too – oh, Liz was too, too drunk right now. Too drunk and too –
"Shh," Liz said, and as Karen's eyebrows went up, Liz realized she was leaning in. "Shh," Liz said, and then kissed Karen.
Sometime between five minutes and five years later, Liz pulled away. She found Karen looking at her steadily; Karen didn't look half as bewildered as Liz felt. "Oh," Liz said, stupidly. "Oh, is that what that is?"
"What what is?" Karen blinked, and now her expression had gone blank, as though it had taken her a second to process that she wasn't sure how to process this.
"Being a lesbian," Liz said.
Liz cleared her throat. "I think maybe I am actually a lesbian."
Karen stared at her, her expression going even blanker. "Wait. Did you actually not know that?"
It took Liz a second; then she started laughing. Then Karen started laughing, and then Liz was laughing harder, and then they were kissing again and then they were on the floor and they were still kissing and Liz had a fleeting thought that her rug must be scandalized because it had never seen anything like this, never, ever, ever.
"Here," Liz said, taking something out of her pocket. Gwen looked at it for a moment with an appraising expression; then her face lit up.
"Baby Littlefoot! Yay, Lemon! Vroom! Vroom!" She sped away, making rather inexplicable racecar noises as she swung the lizard through the air.
Karen stepped up to Liz's side. "Liz. Please tell me that wasn't –"
"Oh thank God." Karen's face relaxed, and Liz laughed. "Hold on a sec, I have to go grab her and get those shoes off her."
"Yeah, why do we have to do that, anyway? The shoes-off thing?"
"For the kids? I don't know. For the adults, I think it's because they figure most of the mothers will be wearing heels that aren't safe on the mats. I don't think they figure on a lot of adults coming in here in Keds." Karen threw a teasing glance down at Liz's shoes. "Be right back."
When Karen came back, Liz was fiddling with her shoestrings. "So, uh, Karen –"
"Hmm?" Karen was undoing the Velcro on Gwen's shoes.
"I, erm. So I brought my notebook today, in case you thought I should… in case you didn't want to –"
"Wait, why would you take notes today?" Karen turned to Liz, frowning. "Aren't you here with us?"
"Yes! I mean, I think so. I mean –" Liz was squirming. "As long as… should we still tell the instructor we're lesbians?"
Karen stared at Liz for a moment, then laughed. "We told her that last week, when you thought you were straight. Now we're here together, and you want to, what, pretend we broke up and you started a rebound fling with your notebook?"
Liz laughed, but her foot was shifting awkwardly. "Okay. I've just never… been out before," she said, aware as she said it that the hushed italics were completely unnecessary.
"Oh." Karen's face registered her understanding. "Well, do you want to play it cool for today, then?"
Liz thought about it.
"Well," she said eventually. "You're the hottest date I've had in…" She counted it up. "Ever."
Karen's face split wide in a beautiful smile.
"So let's go ahead." She proffered her arm to Karen. "Shall we?"
"You forgot to take off your other Ked," Karen said.