Yukari watched amusedly as Shimi banged his head into the wall. "So what's wrong now, Shimi?" Realizing she was there, he laughed manically.
"Oh good, you're here. You didn't bring that oni friend of yours, by chance? I could you use a drink right now."
"I thought you didn't drink."
"No, but I need something to give me ideas! I haven't made a new interview in months, and the fans are going to kill me!" Yukari chuckled.
"You have fans? That's news to me. Besides, there are plenty of interviews you could do. Pick a anime."
"Um, Soul Eater?"
"Well, Death is a old friend of mine, or we could see Ashura like you said."
"Nah, I just did Soul Eater two chapters ago."
"Hmm… what about that nice girl from Yume Nikki? Her name was Madotsuki, right?"
"NO!" Yukari looked at him like he was crazy, a theory his twitching seemed to support. "I tried to interview her once. She wouldn't talk to me at all when she was awake, so I tried to reach her in her dreams. The problem with that is, my powers don't work in dreams. It was her world, her rules, her story… she made me see things. Horrible things that should never be seen… I couldn't escape until she woke up, and I'll have you know I've been through a lot of therapy to put it behind me!" Yukari groaned.
"Well, think of something else, then." Shimi considered his options and finally said:
"Well, what about Haruhi Suzumiya? She's not supposed to see supernatural stuff so it should be… interesting." Yukari smiled.
"Well then, why are we just sitting here? Let's go."
Kyon walked into the clubroom, and was rather relieved that Haruhi wasn't here yet. In fact, the only other person in the room was Yuki Nagato, who was sitting quietly and reading, not even acknowledging his presence. He sat down and sighed, glad that he could at least have this one moment of peace. Then he frowned, realized he could hear someone narrating. "Hey, Nagato. Do you hear someone talking?" Nagato didn't look up.
"Yes." Kyon groaned, wondering what Haruhi had done to cause this.
"Hey, can you hear me?", Kyon asked the narrator, but I didn't bother to answer him. "Ok, I know you can hear me. Who are you?" He asked futilely, since I had no intention of- Wait, you're not supposed to hear me! "Yeah, well, I can. What are you, some kind of ghost?" No, but I know a few ghosts. Look, I had this whole narration planned out, I was going to talk about what the room looked like and everything, and you screwed it up! Well, the room's not very important this time anyway. Table, window, blah, blah, blah. I'll just get straight to the talking part. Switching to third-person point of view…
One of Yukari's gaps appeared, and Shimi walked out. When he realized Yukari wasn't following him, he said, "Aren't you coming, Yukari?" She laughed.
"Yes, but later. Talk with Kyon or something, I'll be with you soon." Shimi shrugged and the gap disappeared. Looking at Kyon, he smiled.
"So, you're Kyon, yes? It's a honor to meet you. I am Shimi." He held out his hand, and Kyon nervously shook it. "I am here to unravel the mysteries of the universe, one question at a time. You don't mind of I ask you and Miss Nagato some questions, do you?" Kyon sighed.
"I guess not, but I'm still wondering where you came from and how you know who I am."
"I am from a parallel universe much like this one, but with less weirdness, to my regret. I have to bring all the weirdness to it! As for how I know about you, Haruhis shenanigans are rather easy to notice, so I watched them and learned your names. I thought I would meet you all, then interview you one at a time." Amazed, Kyon said,
"You actually want there to be more supernatural stuff in the world? What's wrong with a normal life?" Shimi laughed.
"Oh, there's nothing wrong with normalcy itself, I simply don't care about such things. I interview people, and it only makes sense to go for the most interesting, abnormal people I can find! Like you!" Kyon groaned.
"Fine, what did you want to ask me?"
"Nothing yet, I want to meet everyone first, especially Haruhi. To be honest, I'm a bit nervous about it. I mean, it's Haruhi Suzumiya! I'm still not sure what to say, I don't know how she'll react, it's nerve-racking!" He thought for a minute, and seemed to get an idea. "Ah, that's what I'll do! I'll leave now, then when everyone gets here, I will make my dramatic entrance! Don't tell anyone I was here, ok?" With that said, Shimi disappeared, and Kyon sat down again.
"Poor guy. He has no idea what he's getting into…"
Haruhi walked in with a smile on her face, but before she could say anything, a maniacal laugh filled the room. The lights dimmed, and a monstrous voice said, "Pathetic humans! I have come here to-" The voice was interrupted by Haruhi's screams of joy.
"Finally, something's happening! Is a alien? A monster here to destroy the world? What are you? Tell me!" The voice faltered.
"Um… yes! I'm here to drain the very knowledge from your minds! I will take what you know, and when I'm done, I will reduce your planet to ash! I don't usually make personal visits, but you five are particularly interesting. Your minds will be a excellent appetizer!" A gap appeared in the right wall, and Shimi walked out, holding the demonic blade Soul Edge. Haruhi looked irritated.
"That's disappointing, I thought you would be something interesting." Shimi stared at her, dumbfounded.
"I came out of a portal filled with eyes, and I'm holding a demonic sword. What more do you want? How much more 'interesting' can something get?" Her eyes widened.
"Oh, the sword is some kind of demon? Can I see?"
"No, it's power brainwashes those who hold it! Only I can grab it without being driven insane!" Soul Edge grumbled,
"Unfortunately, I can't work with this boy." It turned its eye to Haruhi. "But what about you, girl? I can sense potential in you, power yet unleashed. Take me, wield me, and I can give you the world!" Haruhi looked uncertain. "Why are you hesitating? Grab my hilt! Take me away from this fool! Grab me! Grab me! GRAB ME!" Irritated with this, Shimi threw the sword back into the gap.
"Honestly, that sword gets so annoying sometimes… so, you're Haruhi, yes? I've traveled across dimensions to find you." She looked at him warily.
"So… you're a slider?"
"A dimension traveler? Yeah, you could say-" He was interrupted by Haruhi hugging him so tightly he couldn't breathe.
"I can't believe it! Finally, something interesting is happening!"
"It won't if I… can't… breathe…" She let him go, a fierce expression on her face.
"And you said you were going to destroy the world, right? I guess the SOS Brigade is going to have to stop you!"
"Well, actually I wasn't going to-" Before he could finish his sentence, Haruhi punched him so hard it knocked him out the window. Shimi screamed as he fell, and everyone looked out the window to see what happened. To their surprise, he was standing on the ground without a scratch. He smiled and rubbed his jaw. "There doesn't seem to be anyone down here… how odd. Anyway, that was a pretty good punch, Haruhi. If I were a normal human, that would have killed me. But you're dealing with something much worse. For you see…" He winced in pain as something dark grew out of his back, ripping holes in his shirt. The things spread to their full length, revealing them to be giant raven wings. He flew back up to the window easily, radiating dark power. "…I am a demon." He flew at them, and everyone backed up, except Haruhi, who just tried to punch him again. Shimi flew back to dodge the attack, giggling. He tried to hide it with his hands for a minute, but soon he was laughing hysterically. He looked at Haruhi with a mix of amusement and awe. "Ah, I'm sorry, I'm just not good at playing the villain. I mean, eating people's knowledge? What would I do, suck their brains out with a straw?" Haruhi's eyes widened.
"What do you mean, playing the villain?"
"Exactly what it sounds like. I was acting, giving you a villain to fight. I wouldn't have had to if you hadn't punched me, but it was fun… anyway, I'm sure you want to know why I came to this dimension, right?"
"If you're not here to destroy the world, why are you here?"
"Simply, put, to have some fun. Could you move away from the window, by the way? I afraid someone will see me." Haruhi moved and he flew in, retracting his wings and repairing his clothes. "Thank you. Now then, why don't I introduce myself? My name is Shimi, and I-" He was interrupted by Yukari walking out of the gap, looking irritated.
"You should be more careful where you throw things. That stupid sword of yours nearly impaled me!" Shimi groaned.
"Well, I'll try not to miss next time! Honestly, is interrupting me going to be the new running gag or some-" Haruhi shoved him aside so she could see Yukari.
"Wow, you look a lot cooler than he did! And there's just something strange about you, it's like you have some kind of aura!" Yukari chuckled.
"Well, if I couldn't a least outshine this boy, what kind of youkai would I be?"
"Oh, you're a youkai? What kind?" Shimi got up and said,
"I doubt she would tell you. I've been trying to find out what she is for months… and I'm way cooler than you, Yukari! I have wings, do you have wings?" Yukari laughed at this.
"Wings that you never used before, which leads me to think it's some kind of illusion. Anyway Haruhi, I'm a one of a kind youkai. I can't be classified so easily. Now, you were telling her why we were here, right Shimi?" Shimi sighed.
"Yes, yes I was. Anyway, this is Yukari Yakumo, my partner. We are here to ask you some questions. Some of them are rather personal, so I'd like to talk with each of you privately. Any objections?" Haruhi considered this.
"I guess not. Who are you talking with first?"
"I'll start with Kyon. While I'm doing that, Yukari will be… actually, what will you be doing?" Yukari shrugged, and said,
"I suppose I will keep the other four busy. Now, what to do…"
"Well, while you figure that out, I'll just take Kyon to the interview room." He walked into Yukari's gap, and Kyon reluctantly followed. As soon as they were in the interview room and sat down, Kyon asked,
"Why did you want to talk with me first?"
"Because there is something only you or Miss Nagato can answer, and she wouldn't give a good response. What I need to know is: What did you think of my entrance? Was it impressive enough?" Kyon frowned.
"It was impressive. A little over the top, actually. Did you have to break the window?"
"No, but I can fix it a lot better than if she'd punched me through the computers or the bookshelf. Now, next question: What's your real name, Kyon? And don't tell me it's…" Shimi mouthed the words 'John Smith' and Kyons eyes widened.
"How do you know that name?" Shimi grinned.
"As I said, I've been watching you."
"But that was three years ago, before Haruhi actually caused anything strange."
"I was watching… thoroughly? Anyway, so what's your real name?" Kyon sighed.
"Alright. My name is-" He was cut off by Haruhi walking out of the gap, saying,
"Hey do you know whether people in Gensokyo speak Japanese?" Shimi replied,
"Yes, they do. Some of them speak English as well, and-" His eyes widened in alarm. "Wait, what? Yukari is… she's taking you to Gensokyo!"
"Yeah, that's what she said, she's giving us a tour." Shimi groaned.
"Great, just great, like I needed something else to screw up… ok, fine! I don't care, just come back alive. Stay out of the forest, the youkai will eat you. Everywhere else you should be ok, just be careful." Haruhi grinned.
"I will, don't worry! See you later!" She ran out through the gap, and Shimi covered his face with his hands.
"Why does something always have to go wrong? Things started out fine, but now it's like I can't go through a interview without some kind of problem! Why can't things just go according to plan? Why can't I have one day, just one, without something crazy happening? First there was the exploding cake, then I couldn't even come to the next interview without dying, and then there was Hinata… oh god, that ended badly." Kyon smiled sympathetically.
"I feel your pain."
"I know you do… Now then, I shouldn't let something like this ruin our interview, so lets move on, shall we? Next question, and answer truthfully: How do you feel about all the weirdness Haruhi puts you through?" Kyon considered this.
"Well, it is annoying, but I really enjoy it. I wouldn't trade this life for any other."
"That's what I thought you would say. As for the next question… oh, I really have to ask you this, don't I?" Kyon looked confused.
"What do you mean?" Shimi smiled apologetically.
"Well, sometimes I don't think things through, and some of the questions I intend to ask are a bit… insensitive. But I have it written down on my notebook, and if I don't ask you now, it'll just nag at me until I do ask you, probably in a much worse situation. So lets get it out of the way now, ok?"
"Fine, what's the question?" Shimi sighed regretfully and asked,
"Do you love Haruhi?" Kyon blushed slightly and said,
"What kind of question is that? You're beginning to sound like Koizumi, and unlike him, I have no problem with punching you…" Shimi chuckled.
"By all means, do punch me. It will tell me a lot about how you feel, although what you have with Haruhi doesn't seem like love in my opinion… but what about Mikuru Asahina, or Yuki Nagato? How do you feel about-" He stopped talking when it looked like Kyon really would punch him. "Ok, I know when to stop badgering someone. It was a dumb question, alright? Can we move on?" Kyon lowered his fist, and Shimi looked through his notebook for a better question, but seemed he didn't have anything else written down. "How embarrassing…" Ignoring Kyons confusion, he kept muttering to himself, trying to come up with a good question, but what else was there to consider? He knew enough about Kyons past, and he didn't have any remarkable powers that he could ask about. He was one of those more or less ordinary people that interesting things happen to. But… what about the future? Realizing he finally found his question, Shimi grinned. "Ok, this is my last question. This may seem a bit odd, but what will you do when you graduate from high school? The fact that you and the rest of your friends go to the same school is one of the reasons you can meet like you do. So, once you're out of high school, what happens then? I imagine Koizumi, Nagato, and Mikuru will stick to Haruhi like glue, that's basically their job. But what will you do?" Surprised, Kyon said,
"I haven't thought about that, so I don't know what I will do. But I think we'll all still be together somehow. After all we've been through, there's no way we could just separate like that."
"So you think Haruhi's power will ensure this? How can you-"
"Be sure? Because I'm not relying on Haruhi to keep us together. I'll make sure it happens." Shimi chuckled.
"So, you'll see to it that the SOS Brigade sticks together, huh? A admirable goal… and one I doubt you will be alone in trying to achieve. They all care about you just as much, I can tell." He stood up. "And if you ever need my help, for whatever the reason, I would be happy to lend it. All you need to do is ask." Kyon stood as well, and asked,
"And how would I find you?"
"Oh, I'll just give you my phone number or something. In the meantime, I'm completely out of questions, and it's time to move on to the next interview. So lets check on your friends, shall we?"