2Author Note: And we end with the first song that I ever wrote for this project. I never knew when I wrote those lyrics, in the middle of the night, on my work break, that the song would evolve from a one-off, to over a dozen songs, to a fully thought-out script, and finally to this. The only thing that could make this project complete is recording the songs in a fan album (yes: I'm still trying to recruit people for that pipe-dream...).
My thanks go out to everyone from The Michael Crawford Phantom Movie Campaign for their support and encouragement all those years ago, and for hosting the original script and songs on the campaign website. And eternal thanks to SJB for being there with me while I wrote many of the lyrics, and for always giving me a comforting and welcoming place to work on my writing. I still miss you.
Here's to ten years of Dance of the Phans!
Standard disclaimers apply.
CHAPTER 22: Dance of the Phans (Finale, Act II)
Webber snapped his cell phone closed with a triumphant grin. He had done it. He had recruited (saved?) Dierdre, escaped from von Crawford, and now had the green light from Warner Brothers to begin filming immediately upon his arrival in Los Angeles. He had finally won the Phantom war.
Unable to contain his excitement, he burst into song, completely oblivious to the fact that Dierdre, who had stripped herself of her wedding gown and was now clad in tight black leather, was strangling Banderas with the Punjab Lasso at the top of the hill right behind the composer.
Now we are set
We'll film this movie after all
We've been smarter than the phans of The Knight
Those M.C. die-hard phans will pour their hearts out
For they must admit that we have been right
We have A.B.!
Once and for all,
We will prove beyond doubt
That A.B. can be The Phantom, alright
Phans believe in the voice of M.C.
They have campaigns attacking us just like knives
Ok, so they're smart
But we've got power and wealth
They cannot stop us
Since Ben Elton has just finished up the script
We're very sure of our goals
We know which Phantom to cast
After all, we hold the movie rights
Ben Elton's script is in motion
Phantom will never be the same!
…Why am I the only one who likes this version?...
Dierdre kicked Banderas aside and pointed at Webber, her voice ripping through the countryside and causing the composer to jump.
Go keep your promise or our hearts will be broken
Keep your promise or else we'll feel betrayed
Cast M.C. before it's too late
If you do, then we will all celebrate!
Pheste appeared by her side.
Better to cast the original Phantom
Than some tone-deaf, bloated, Spanish ego
We want M.C., not this black-hearted 'artist'
We want someone in the musical 'know'
Phans poured over the hilltop, more than Webber had ever seen in his life, and he quickly turned tail and fled as they descended into the countryside.
When your hour of power is over
We'll be dancing in the cinema's aisles
We are sure of our goals
We know which Phantom is great
We'll take over your job,
If that's what it takes
We are in motion
And soon M.C. will be seen
On that big silver screen!
So all of you had better watch out!
Ditch the git and the fart
Watch out!
One Phantom's captured our hearts
Watch out!
You gotta see M.C. play the part
You gotta see M.C. play the part
Let the rebels begin
Let the fire be started
Elton's script is for the greedy
And the stony-hearted
Let the phans now be heard
And the imposter deported
A.B.'s Phantom's for the dimbulbs
And the phony-hearted
Let the rebels begin
Let the fire be started
Elton's script is for the greedy
And the stony-hearted
Let the phans now be heard
And the imposter deported
A.B.'s Phantom's for the dimbulbs
And the phony-hearted
You gotta see M.C. play the part!
One Phantom's captured our hearts!
You gotta see M.C. play the part!
One Phantom's captured our hearts!
We are tired of injustice
Now we want some results!
So come on, you P.T.B.,
The Phantom you must cast is M.C.!
You gotta see M.C. play the part!
One Phantom's captured our hearts!
You gotta see M.C. play the part!
One Phantom's captured our hearts!
All over the world, the message went out. Phones lit up with text messages, and internet accounts chimed with new e-mails. And hundreds of millions of phans who had been lying in wait for the signal finally rose up and marched on Warner Brothers. Terrified executives fled as their studios were over-run.
When your hour of power is over
We'll be dancing in the cinema's aisles
We are sure of our goals
We know which Phantom is great
We'll take over your job,
If that's what it takes
We are in motion
And soon M.C. will be seen
On that big silver screen!
So all of you had better watch out!
Ditch the git and the fart
Watch out!
One Phantom's captured our hearts
Watch out!
You gotta see M.C. play the part
You gotta see M.C. play the part
Let the rebels begin
Let the fire be started
Elton's script is for the greedy
And the stony-hearted
Let the phans now be heard
And the imposter deported
A.B.'s Phantom's for the dimbulbs
And the phony-hearted
You gotta see M.C. play the part!
One Phantom's captured our hearts!
You gotta see M.C. play the part!
One Phantom's captured our hearts!
We are tired of injustice
Now we want some results!
So come on, you P.T.B.,
The Phantom you must cast is M.C.!
You gotta see M.C. play the part!
One Phantom's captured our hearts!
You gotta see M.C. play the part!
One Phantom's captured our hearts!
You gotta see M.C. play the part!
One Phantom's captured our —
He captures your heart
And he steals the show
Nothing's gonna stop him!
Our Phantom's on a roll!
He captures your heart
And he steals the show
Nothing's gonna stop him!
Our Phantom's on a roll!
He captures your heart
And he steals the show
Nothing's gonna stop him!
Our Phantom's on a roll!
He captures your heart
And he steals the show
Nothing's gonna stop him!
Our Phantom's on a roll!
You gotta see M.C. play the part!
And as the phans hijacked Warner Brothers and took control of the Phantom movie, von Crawford's triumphant laugh echoed throughout all of Hollywood.