"WPNY AM Talk Radio. All talk, all the time. Bringing you sports and weather on the five. Church leaders blame the rise of hate crimes and racially motivated attacks on a militia like group calling themselves "The New Lunar Republic" One of the most powerful and powerful of these groups... (static) claims as its idea to usurp Celestia and place Luna on the throne."
(Voiceover by a mare)
"Canterlot fell when my mother was still a filly. The New Lunar Army marching in and both princesses winding up dead. She used to tell me stories of the plagues that followed, and how the living hid themselves, scattered in tiny hamlets in hope of surviving whatever new madness conspired to rob them of what little remained.
In those days, the only company she kept was her muffin. The two of them standing witness to the chaos that reigned. Equestria herself had fallen victim to the insanity.
She told stories of the 3-year winter, and how the dirty snow never stopped falling. She saw the ocean, barren, poisoned, near death. And how everypony watched the sky for 16 long years praying for the great lungs to start working again.
When it finally did, she said it was if the ocean had breathed a great sigh of relief."
Ditzy trotted weakly across the wasteland that had been Eastern Equestria. Her mouth was dry, her tounge cracked. If she didn't get water soon, it wouldn't matter anymore. Her saddlebag are packed to the brim with a gun and ammunition, and some supplies to test water for radiation.
On her back, somehow remaining balanced is a decades old muffin, dried and stale from the exposure to the elements. Ditzy soon finds the sky going dark. She looks up. It's a billboard. "Welcome to the Great Salt Lick Marina," she reads.
It is a bizarre, wind-swept sight. Dozens of boats resting on the dry, cracked earth. It's like Celestia had pulled the plug to the lake, letting the water drain out. Rusty mooring chains snake their way around house boats, ski boats and a cabin cruiser or two.
A rumble of thunder sounds in the distance. Rain begins to fall. It slaps into her flank like miniature bullets. The earth just sucks it up at first, but it's coming hard. Rivulets run. Puddles form. Soon these boats will be tugging at the mooring chains once again.
She needed to get out of the lakebed.
"Come on Muffin!" Derpy yells. She begins a gallop, her hooves quickly becoming muddied. The muffin is not the worse for wear. It wa not the first time it was out in the rain.
Up ahead, was a faded wooden road plank. It was nearly knocked over and looked like it would fall to the ground any minute. "O thank Celestia," Ditzy exclaimed. "A sign. Finally we can figure out where we are."
The faded plank reads: E.S. 84 North. It was no place Ditzy had heard of. "Muffin, do you know what E.S 84 North is?"
Ditzy decides to fallow the road. Weeds poke up through the asphalt. The rusting hulks of a carraiges rest in the middle, covered in a tangle of purple wisteria. Ditzy picks a flower and put it in the saddlebag with a smile.
The muffin finally loses its balance and falls to the ground.
"Muffin!" Ditzy yells. She gingerly picks it up and brushes the majority of the dirt away with her hoof. She puts the muffin into her saddlebag. "Bad Muffin. For that you stay in my saddlebag."
The sky suddenly darkens. Ditzy looks up to see a huge billboard looming into the sky. The setting sun sinking behind it causing its shadow to cast Ditzy and her muffin into shadow. It would be a perfect vantage point to look for any signs of civilization, and hopefully a place to stay during the night.
On top of the billboard, Ditzy looks out from her place on the catwalk. Below, the highway stretch in either direction, both covered with weeds. Ditzy take out her binoculars, and spies an old mile marker sign.
Through her binoculars she could even read it from her spot on the billboard. The nearest town was Tenneighsee... 20 miles. That was a bit too far. There was no way they would be able to make it there by nightfall. Ditzy scans the road with the binoculars. She hits paydirt.
Off to the west a little were the remains of a Brony Pegasister Feeding station only a mile or so distant. Ditzy climbs down and makes her way over. Alert and carbine in hand, she tows her muffin on her back once again. At the feeding station rotting carriages sagged on termite laden wheels . There was also a stripped fire engine, its cracked hoses leading to the BP's foundation which bristles with burned timbers.
Ditzy rushes to an upright bucket, and almost starts drinking before she's able to swat herself away.
"Dammit Derpy, you know I need to check it first!"
She hangs her head to the ground and rummages through her saddlebags. She removes an old Tupperware container and replaces its contents - a tiny sheaf of litmus papers and several bottles - with some water from the bucket. She adds a few drops from each bottle and swirls it around. Then dips a tiny strip of paper into the water. The paper turns a vivid purple. Derpy is dubious. She turns to her reflection in the water.
"Well, it's better than turpentine." She dips a hoof in and touches it to her lips. "Tastes about the same. Your call, Derpy." Ditzy decides to drink the water. "You ain't picky, Derpy. I like that about you." Ditzy says ruffling her own mane.
Ditzy takes her carbine and a burlap sack and trots over to the Feeding Station. An old extension ladder lays rusted on the ground. The pole holding up the logo has a 30-degree bend in it, like somepony once tried to pull it over. Beyond the logo, the sun sets in a fiery blaze of rainbow-like colors.
She tries the station door. Locked. "Buck!" she yells. Then she glances next to the door. The window had been busted in. She facehoofed. Smiling ironically, she steps in through the blown-out window. She puts Muffin on a counter, shoving everything that was on it to the floor.
The station is in shambles. Ditzy picks around the stuff on the other counters. She finds a few beat-up CDs and flips through them, reading the labels. " 'Classic Vinyl: Running on Empty'? Tell me about it." She finds an old TV guide from a goof twenty years earlier.
She tosses it aside. She turns, and stops. There, resting on a pile of trash is a bashed-in portable TV. Ditzy smiles, plopping down on a couch.
"Hey Muffin!" she yells. "We got TV! 147 channels." She flips through the pages trying to find the day and time. "We might even be able to watch Jeopony."
She steps over, and switches on the set. Nothing happens, but she pretends just the same. She mimics static, then:
"Like sands through the hour-glass, so are the days of our lives...' (switching channels) 'Michelle Saddle, come on down, you're the next contestant on ...'The Price is Right'.' (switching channels again) 'I'll take Civil Uprisings for two hundred thousand, Alex..."
Ditzy stops suddenly. Click. "We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you breaking news about the Second Equestrian Civil War..."
Ditzy stares at the blank screen a moment. The war suddenly flooding back into her head. The New Lunar Republic. The execution of Celestia and the sacrifice made in vain by Luna to protect her. The entire city of Canterlot had burnt after that. She could still hear the screams.
A sudden, panicked rustling from behind the service manager's desk is the only thing that saves her. Derpy wheels around, raising her carbine.
"Look, I don't want no trouble... I bet you don't either... Let's just call it a draw, okay?"
More movement. Ditzy shouts in suprise as a white rabbit dashes out from behind the desk. Scared, it bounds back and forth between the walls. Sighing in relief, she lowers her carbine. The rabbit stands frozen in the corner, and then bolts for the door, and Muffin.
"Look out Muffin!" Ditzy yells.
The rabbit sniffs the muffin, but Ditzy sends it flying outside with a well-placed kick.
Investigating further, Ditzy finds an old muffin machine. The front glass is smashed and all the slots are empty. But she looks down to the lock at the bottom. It's intact. Ditzy pulls a crowbar from her saddle bags and digs the pry into a seam and pulls.
The panel burst open, revealing four packaged muffins. Ditzy doesn't believe it for a second. Then: "We're rich."