A/N: Just a one-shot I came up with two days ago. It refused to leave me alone, so here it is.
Disclaimer: Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya.
On rare occasions England found his day going smoothly. The depressing rarity came from living with his brothers and proximity to mainland Europe. It also stemmed from America's habit of coming over at random times to complain about something. The younger nation never took note of what ended up interrupted.
"BRITAIN!" The aforementioned nation pounded on his front door. With his brothers indesposed, England sighed and answered the door.
A taller, blond nation's arms flew about England's neck as the nation's face burrowed into his shoulder. God, what had happened now? Sure, he like that America confided in him, but it grew wearisome at times.
Gently, he patted the other nation's head, "now, now Abigail, what happened?" Only three other nations knew the truth about America's gender. For over two hundred years she hid it well. So long as no one heard him using her real first name.
The three words he could understand explained everything. For the last few years he suffered through listening to both Abigail's and Kiku's heart throb complaints. Unsurprisingly, Abigail remained oblivious to Kiku's affection, whereas Kiku suspected hers. The main problem lay in Abigail pretending to be a man.
"I was over at Japan's two days ago after a conference and we played video games during the games…"
"Abigail, hold up and used punctuation," England held the other nation at arms-length. If he had to listen, he might as well understand. An unpunctuated stream of words hampered his comprehension.
The young woman nodded, Nantucket bobbed with her, "right. Well we played video games until about three in the morning. South Korea joined us until midnight. He went to wake up China." God, poor China, England thought. "I…I…J…Japan nearly kissed me."
Now they reached the main problem. England knew that for nearly ten years Japan struggled to come to terms with his perceived homosexuality. Actually, it may have gone on much longer before Japan started talking to him. Of course, Abigail refused to say anything.
"But Arthur," she started talking faster and louder. "I think Japan loves me, and I love him, but will he accept me? I mean, he thinks I'm a guy. So does the rest of the world, but that doesn't matter. How do I know Japan would accept me as an equal? After all, some nations still see women as inferior. So do some of my people, but that's beside the point. If I tell him, should I tell the rest of the world? No, that's second to this problem…"
"Abigail, perhaps you should…"
"Tell him? I know, I should. After all, he loves me, and what's in a name? I'm still the same general person. You know that. Still, it'd be strange for him to treat me like a woman…"
"Take this elsewhere? Matt's engrossed in a hockey match; you know what he gets like during those. Besides, I think he had Netherlands over…"
"In a relationship with him? Duh, I know that Iggy. In fact, I think he might propose soon. But that's not the problem here! What do I do Iggy?" The nation clung to his shirt, nearly tearing the fabric.
"You could try…"
"Telling him? Yeah, I should. I'm gonna hafta soon anyway. The way things are going, I only have to worry about Arabic nations, and…"
"Please," England pleaded, just wanting to her let him finish a sentence, "can you…"
"Act like a girl?" Abigail snapped, "hell no!" She paused in consideration, "I guess I could, sometimes. Some girls act like boys, so in that way, I'm still acting like a girl! Besides, it's France who screams like a girl. Not important," she waved hand dismissively. "Anyway, perhaps I'll tell the truth when I get a female president, to bad Woodhull never got elected. I liked her. Ack, I'm off topic again! What do I do Iggy? Please tell me! I don't know anymore!"
When it finally looked like she might let him speak, England removed her hands from his shirt. Slowly, he began, "Abigail Frances Jones, do you realize…"
"I'm acting like a fool?" Abigail sighed, and relaxed, "I should just tell him everything huh? You're great counsel Iggy you know that right?" Before England could say anything, she hugged him tightly. "Thanks for your advice!"
When she dropped the act, she really acted like a girl sometimes. Not that 'Alfred' would have listened that closely either. Their conversations on this topic tended to take this route. At the end she praised him for his help, when he said next to nothing. It made no sense.
"You do give good advice Iggy. It's surprising you haven't admited your feelings to France."
"Abigail, that's not what I'm trying to say." Arthur held her shoulders once she let him go. Best just to tell her now and ignore her last commnet, gods the girl could make a complete fool of herself, and him, sometimes. "I'm hosting an EU Conference today. The rest of the EU is in my living room."
In another other situation, her jaw hitting the floor would be comical. It took a lot to make her speechless. The blood drained from her face, as she turned her head to see the EU Nations staring at her. Their expressions ranged from amused, to shocked, to annoyed. Somewhere in the room, Poland laughed obnoxiously. Under their gazes, she flushed, still in stunned silence.
As she wore a mini skirt and form fitting t-shirt, nothing could disguise the truth. The haircut similar to England's only served to verify her identity. That, and she'd been talking to England so loud Iceland must have heard her.
The one word loosened a torrent of comments.
"Ve~ America's such a pretty girl!"
"Ahohohon, now I know why you were determined to keep control of her Angleterre!"
"Why the hell did you never say anything? I beat you with my frying pan! I'm a horrible person!"
"You think I'm going to propose to Matthew?"
"Aw, brother that'd be so cute, don't you think Luxem?"
"She looked just a like a little boy, don't you think Sweden?"
"Not awesome! How can a girl drink the awesome me under a table?"
"Lithuania, you must have known, why didn't you tell me and Latvia?"
"Finally another female world power!"
"But you're a former power Hermana. Lovi~ don't you think America's pretty too?"
"Yes, fine bastard…CHIGI!"
"Ve~ you'd be really pretty with longer hair!"
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!"
A dead silence fell over the gathered Nations. Crickets chirped audibly the back ground. The EU looked between England, America and Germany. "Right, now that we've establish America's true gender, we have a meeting to get back to. If she chooses to continue hiding her gender, that's up to her…
"Isn't that the like most fab secret Korea?" Everyone went dead still as they listened to Poland talk. "I mean, hiding her, like, gender for, like, two hundred years! That's like totally extreme don'tcha think?"
"Crap," Abigail hissed. "Don't bother not telling people, half the world will know by tomorrow!"
She had a point, England knew. When it came to gossip, Nation's spread it like wildfire. Since Korea knew, East Asia would know within twenty minutes. From there, he couldn't predict the spread.
With her secret blown, Abigail snatched out her phone to call someone. England suspected she intended to call Japan. Best to tell him herself than to let Korea or China.
"Oh no you don't!" Hungary snatched America's phone, and grabbed her arm. Behind them swarmed Belgium, Portugal, Ireland and Italy. "Now that you're official one of us, we have to see that wardrobe of yours!" Clearly, no one told her that Italy had tagged along yet.
As the female Nations, and Italy, left for the United States, the males just stood there in silence.
"Meeting adjourned." Germany grumbled, and EU filed out of England's house.
When England shut the door after they dragged Poland out, he rubbed his head to stop the impending headache. Best to get a cup of tea, that always calmed his nerves and eased headaches.
"Oi! Lloegr!" Wales yelled from the trap door to the attic.
"Let's us out!" Northern Ireland screamed, as Scotland pounded on the door.
Perhaps he would in a few hours. But judging by their pounding, they might manage to break it down this time. Though, judging by the sudden smell of roses behind him, England had something more pressing to deal with.
It would be hours (and a house full of cats) before anyone realized Greece fell asleep next to England's fire place.
A/N: I always wondered what Fem!America would be like. I figured she'd be a female America, not have an entirely different personality. The name came from Abigail Adams (the wife of John Adams, a Founding Father), Frances Perkins (the first woman to head a Cabinet level department (Department of Labor), appointed by FDR, and America's last name. I kinda based her on my little sister, we have that kinda off relationship, only she actually listens to what I say sometimes.
Victoria Woodhull: a late 1800s feminist and political canidate. Known for passionate speeches, running a stock broking company and newspaper with her sister, Tennessee. Ran for President against Grant, with Frederick Douglas as her running mate. Not very well known for any of her accomplishments.
I hope who said what after Fem!America realizes she was over heard was pretty clear. If not, just ask.
Welsh: Lloegr=England (according to Google Translator)