I wrote this in less then an hour after I saw the TGS 2011 trailer for the newest Kingdom Hearts game. This are the thoughts that ran through my head after I took all the info in.
This is all just for fun without the intention to offend anyone. If by chance you are offended, hurt, ect. Well...grow a since of humor.
I don't own Kindom Hearts or the characters within.
Dream Drop It!
"Hey Riku! Check it out! The new trailer for our latest game!" Sora called.
"Why should I care?" He replied.
"Well both you and me are the playable characters…" Sora told him. "And it's not like Chain of Memories, this time. Your playable from the start!"
"Well it's about damn time…" He said. "Well I'm busy right now…whats happening in the trailer?"
"Well it's still in Japanese…" Sora told him.
"Fuck…" Riku said under his breath.
"But there are fansubs and stuff. It seems Yen Sid is having us take the mark of mastery exam!" Sora exclaimed.
"So where gonna fight each other like Aqua and Terra did, in BBS?" He asked.
"Nope…where going into a dream world kinda place." Sora said. "And we're the ages we were in the first game."
"So it's a freaking port again!" Riku asked.
"No all those Disney worlds are new…but the only world it shows is the Hunchback of Notre Dom." Sora told him.
"How can they all be new if we have our younger models?" Riku asked.
"Well you kinda look the same, they cut your hair back." Sora told him.
"WHAT! But the fan girls love my hair!" Riku exclaimed.
"Well I think it makes you cooler. You look less like some lonely emo, and a bit more of the jerkass rival you started out as." Sora told him.
"Yeah leave the emo bit to me!" Roxas said in sora's head.
"Shutup Roxas…" Sora told him.
"Hey is there any mention about me waking up?" Another voice asked Sora.
"No Ventus." Sora said with an annoyed voice.
"Oh come on! It's getting way too cramp in here!" He told Sora.
"Well what do you expect? I've got four other persona's in my head!" Sora told him.
"About that…why the hell is Vanitas it here! There has been no real cannon that even hints to him being in here!" Roxas added.
"Cus all those fan girls and boys can't get enough of me, so they write me into Sora's mind…" Vanitas added. "Now get me more soda bitch-ventus."
"My name is ROXAS! And I gave you the last soda in the fridge." Roxas told him.
"Please you expect me to drink that shit! Dr thunder! Cheap ass generic soda, Rocks-ass!" He told him.
"R-O-X-A-S!" he reminded him again.
"As far as I'm concerned you'll always be bitch-ventus, that is until you can muster up a pair kid!" Vanitas told him. "Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna go have sex with Xion. Why, simple. Cus I'm a boss…and that's how I roll…"
"You see what we are dealing with here! Kick his ass out or something!" Ventus told Sora.
"Like I can…you think I like having you all in there. Every one of you has a say in some of my daily decisions. Like what I where…Xion once made me go outside in a dress. And Vanitas once made me call Tifa a slut and asked her to put out, because of all the Hentai she's in. Cloud nearly killed me! And one time I sat at a computer and wrote some emo poems cus of Roxas. And if that's not bad enough. Everyone looks at me like I'm a nut, when I talk to you! I mean look at Riku! Look at him! He's giving me that look! And he knows you guys are in my head! So the both of you just…" Sora added. "Hey…wait a minute…aren't you and Roxas technically the same person."
"Sora, we had this conversation before BBS came out, remember?" Roxas told him.
"No, wait cus when Roxas was created. He had Ventus's heart inside him, and that's why he looked like him more then me…right…So then your both really are the same…So how are you separate beings in my head…heart…soul…mind…fuck it I don't know anymore." He explained.
"Well that's easy…" Ventus said. "Roxas is more of a bitch…"
"Not you too!" Roxas complained.
"Come on, ya gotta admit. You are a bit of a bitch." Ventus added.
"True…" Sora joined in.
"I mean if it really was me…I'd have had both Xion and Larxene all over me, within my first week with the organization." Ventus said.
"Bull!" Roxas said. " Since when have you been a player!"
"Please…Terra was to focused on training all the time…Aqua would always feel lonely, cus his only love seems to be becoming a master. So I took advantage of the fact that she'd get horny from time to time." Ventus explained. "Ever since I've been a master playboy…"
"I don't want to hear about your sexual conquests ok!" Roxas told him.
"I do…especially the ones with Aqua!" Sora added.
"Maybe in another fanfiction." Ventus added.
"Hey can we get back to reality for a minute…" Riku asked. "Quit talking to your imaginary friends."
"They are not imaginary!" Sora said.
"What elts about the game…" Riku asked him.
"Oh…well…we both got new outfits…" Sora said.
"Alright finally some good news! Are they cool?" Riku added.
"Kinda…mine looks like valor form…and yours looks like a white vest with a yellow collar." Sora told him.
"…" Riku stood there silently. He then placed his hand over his face and let out a sigh. "I should have known…"
"We also got new monsters to fight…things called Dream Eaters…" Sora told him.
"What do they look like?"
"Pink and purple bats, and some pandas…" Sora added.
"Fucking Square…I know that they want to keep the series kid friendly and I can respect that. But they don't have to give us enemies that wouldn't even look threatening to toddlers!"
"And look, the 3DS will let us play with them like pets!" Sora added.
"Oh…my lord…we have sunk to a new low…And I though we couldn't get any lower when we ripped off Mario Party with the command boards in BBS…wait did you say 3DS!"
"Yeah cool huh?" Sora said.
"Not cool! No body has a 3DS! Whom the fuck is going to by a handheld for just one game!" Riku exclaimed.
"Ven1990 says he's gonna…" Sora told him.
"He's a freaky fucking fan boy! Of course he's gonna!" Riku yelled at him.
Suddenly the door opened.
"Hey I heard that the new game trailer is here!" Kairi yelled as she came in. "Sora! Sora! Am I playable in this one!"
"Nope. Just Riku and me. We're gonna take the Master exam." Sora said.
"Well why just you two! Aren't I a Keyblade wielder too!" She asked.
"Well you did go through that inttiation thing with Aqua…so yeah how come your not playable…?" Sora asked.
"It's easy…no one likes Kairi…" Riku told them.
"Why?" Sora asked.
"Cus Sora, our female fans see Kairi as…well…interference…with…their favorite pairings…Ok…?" He told him.
"I don't get it…" Sora said.
"You really are an idiot…" A voice said. The three teens turned to look at the door. There stood Sakuraba Neku, the main character from World Ends With You.
"You! What are you doing here Sakuraba! This fic wasn't a crossover!" Riku exclaimed.
"Argh look another one…Roxas where gonna have to make some more room." Ventus told him.
"God Damn It!" Roxas yelled.
"It's ok guys…Neku is just a Square guest character in the new game." Sora told them all.
"But he's not from Final Fantasy, or Disney!" Kairi said.
"I know…" Sora said.
"But…he looks like…" Ventus began.
"Just a coincidence…" Sora added.
"You're a true dumbass Sora…" Neku said. "Kairi is unpopular because, of all the fans of Kingdom Hearts Yoai out there…"
Sora went pale. Kairi quickly covered his ears, as Riku grabbed Neku by the collar.
"You moron! Don't use the "Y" word around Sora!" He yelled. "He's still recovering form the last time he saw it!"
"He…he…said something…some thing bad…" Sora began to cry.
"No, no Sora, He said Yow-wee! OK!" Kairi said trying to consol him.
"Riku was whipping me…he wouldn't stop…and he shoved it all the way…" Sora cried huge tears poured from his eyes. "I feel so…dirty Kairi…so…dirty…"
"Now look what you've done Neku… you've broken Sora!" Kairi complained.
"Please…that's all it takes…you should have seen the shit of me an Joshua…" Neku said. "To have experienced such things…I feel like whatever innocence I still had buried deep down, was brutally stabbed and left to bleed to death…"
"My god man…they got you to…" Riku said.
"Yes, and it will only get worse from here on…" Neku told them.
"Huh, what do you mean…" Riku asked.
"Now that I've been put in Kingdom Hearts, it won't be long until the rest of my games cast is in it as well…and why would they stop, there…Dragon Quest, Parisite Eve, and other games of theirs…hell even anime and manga that they have their hands on, like FMA, Soul Eater, Black Butler…" Neku told them. "They could add anything from now on…who knows…all it means though…is the amount of yoai will only grow and grow form here on out…"
"No!…They couldn't-! Wouldn't!" Riku exclaimed.
"Yes first up, will be pairing you and Joshua…I can see it now…You'll be the Uke Riku…" Neku added.
"What the hells a "Uke"?" Riku asked.
Kairi moved closer and whispered into his ear. Riku's eye's widened as he realized what an uke was.
"Oh Fuck No!" He exclaimed.
"Yes they'll make Joshua the Seme and he'll rape you for a few day's before killing you…" Neku rambled on farther.
For the nest for days…Riku was pissed that he could soon become someone's bitch. Kairi was sulking because she'll never get an action role. Sora hid himself in an emo corner that he barrowed from Roxas. And Neku strolled through the Kingdom Hearts verse and told every male character who his yoai slash crossover partner would be. Something that greatly pleased Axel.
Well then now you know…Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance is almost here folks. And for the sake of all these beloved characters don't forget to get a damn 3DS!