For the Endings, New Beginnings and Starting Over challenge at the Country Song Prompt Challenge Forum.
This was really hard for me to do. I couldn't tell if it was a breakup song, or a love song. And I don't really like breaking people up unless there is a good reason. But this was also hard because I rarely listen to country music; I listen to Dave Matthews Band, Linkin Park, anything other than country. So ironically I was listening to Three Days Grace, Linkin Park and Breaking Benjamin while writing this.
But now after I saw the season 7 premiere, this should be slightly easier to write after what Reid told the committee. And this will be short, probably shorter than I normally write. This did bring tears to my eyes while writing it. I hate it when that happens.
Disclaimer: Already Gone is © Sugarland; I also don't own Criminal Minds.
Warnings: Possible spoilers for 7x01 "It Takes A Village" if you haven't seen it yet, and possible spoilers for 7x02 "Proof". Oh and I suppose I should warn for slash as well. No mpreg, but I was so tempted to throw it in….
But his dark eyes dared me with danger
And sparks fly like flame to a paper
Fire in his touch burning me up
But still I held on
Reid looked over to Morgan, a light smile crossing his lips despite everything that had gone on over the last few months. He could recall the first time that he met the dark skinned agent, one of the actual good things he could thank his eidetic memory for. He just wished it worked in keeping the good memories and not the bad, but he knew that wasn't possible. And he remembered the first day that he entered the BAU as well.
He could understand what the older male was thinking, he felt the same. While mulling over his decision he decided to let his memories of times past hit him while walking over to Morgan. It was rare to see him in formal wear, but considering the circumstances it had to be done. It wouldn't have made a great impression on the committee to show up in jeans and a black t-shirt that showed off his muscular chest.
"Something's on your mind, and don't tell me that you're okay." Morgan spoke, watching the younger genius approach him. "I know damn well that I'm not. I don't know how they can do this to us."
"I agree." Reid replied honestly, watching Morgan's hand move to his shoulder. "I was just remembering when I first met you."
"You were awkward." Morgan smiled, gently rubbing the other's shoulder. He knew they couldn't show their feelings around the other team members, or Strauss. But he had a bad feeling that today was going to change the whole dynamic.
"I know." Reid smiled sadly, looking up at Morgan before he moved to leave the hallway and toward Morgan's office. They would be alone there. "So much has changed, and I know I definitely have."
Morgan nodded, heading down the hall with Reid before opening the door to his office. "But tell me is there a reason why you're here? I thought you'd be heading back home to get some rest. It's been a long day."
Reid nodded, closing his eyes for a moment as he sat down at the chair that sat across from Morgan's desk. He almost didn't feel Morgan's hands on his shoulders; he was busy concentrating on the tears building up in his eyes.
"I know." Reid replied, his voice croaking slightly. "Do you remember after the anthrax incident? Before I was released from the hospital?"
"I ate your Jell-o." Morgan smiled, brushing Reid's short hair back gently, moving to kiss his forehead. "What about it?"
"Aside from that." Reid managed a soft chuckle, along with a smile as Morgan kissed his forehead. "It's been hard for the last three years to even keep this a secret from everyone. For profilers they haven't figured it out yet."
"I think they know." Morgan grinned, putting his chin on the top of Reid's head. "Now tell me why you are so sad. You seemed happy that the committee decided to bring us all back together."
"That was the only smart thing Prentiss did…" Reid muttered, lowering his gaze for a moment. "Basically I'm saddened because of the betrayal with her and Jennifer… and Hotch was in on it too. I trusted them both. But on the flip side, I did seemingly outsmart the committee… they seemed surprised that I knew about hostage trading…"
"Oh? I didn't get to hear what you said during your interrogation." Morgan spoke, moving to sit on the desk after giving Reid's forehead another kiss. "But it must have been profound."
"I stuck up for myself, and what I know was right. Granted it may have been a mistake to exchange hostages, but we got Declan back safely." Reid sighed, watching Morgan as he sat down on the desk.
"What did they say to you?" Morgan asked, moving his hands to his lap.
"A few things and I gave off a few statistics and facts from last year in New York." Reid smiled a little. "He said 'Calm down Agent.' I told him 'This is calm, and it's Doctor.' I think everyone was slightly surprised at that."
"But what has you looking like you lost your loved ones all at once?" Morgan asked hesitantly, not really sure if he wanted to hear the answer. "I know things are tough right now, and I know it takes you about as long as me when it comes to trusting someone. And I know that JJ betrayed that, as did Hotch and Prentiss. It will take a long time to regain trust, especially with JJ."
"And Prentiss thinks that pasta will solve everything?" Reid muttered, sighing softly as he put his messenger bag on his lap. "I'm more than livid at that suggestion… and I still don't know if I will attend. But to save face, I better right?"
Morgan nodded, still not able to understand the look of confusion on Reid's face. The hurt he could easily understand, but it was rare to see the young genius actually stumped for some reason. Either that or he was deep in thought, but it was disconcerting to see Reid so silent and upset with his teammates and friends.
"Pretty Boy, tell me what is going on in that brain of yours." Morgan spoke, gently putting his hands on Reid's shoulders before moving to kiss him on the lips. "You know I wasn't behind this, hell I didn't even know she was alive. But there had to have been a reason for Doyle to still be in the states aside from Declan. I was so focused on Doyle and getting him for supposedly killing Prentiss, everything else was clouded."
"I know you didn't." Reid smiled sadly, returning the kiss. "This isn't about you at all… trust me. I still love you Derek. You helped me through this as well… the best you could in between moments chasing Doyle and with me at the firing range."
"You're this close to crying." Morgan frowned, moving to brush away the hint of a tear that was threatening to fall down the younger male's cheek. "And I love you too. Wait… if you're leaving, I can go with you. We can go to New York together; the offer is still open for me up there."
"I can't do this anymore Derek…" Reid spoke quietly, his voice shaking now. He lowered his head, allowing his shoulders to shake with silent sobs as he felt a few more tears fall down his cheeks. He didn't want to leave Morgan; he wanted to stay with him. "I don't want our relationship to end… I really don't…"
Morgan tilted his head lightly, pulling the young genius close to him as he allowed the other to cry into his shoulder. He didn't care that Reid was a month from turning 30; he understood that he was hurting in more ways than one. But he was also thankful the door to his office was closed so no one could see the younger like this.
"It doesn't have to." Morgan replied gently. He suddenly got a realization that hit him hard, he knew that Reid had made up his mind about staying with the team. He frowned, moving to rub Reid's back as the other slowly calmed down. "Oh Reid…"
"We're alone Derek." Reid managed to speak, his voice croaking slightly before he cleared his throat. He knew exactly when the others would leave, and then he would get Morgan to help him clean up his desk. "I'm going to miss you…"
"You don't have to leave kid." Morgan started, hearing Reid's voice break. "We will get through this. And I'm sure they have a really good explanation for everything they did."
Reid sighed, reluctantly removing his arms from around Morgan's shoulders. He stood up properly before he turned toward the door. "I need you to help me pack up a few things from my desk. You can have whatever you'd like though… I can give you first dibs on my film canisters."
"Ah yes, physics magic." Morgan laughed, moving to open the door as he stayed close to Reid's side. He knew the younger wasn't in the laughing mood, but he wanted to try and help lighten the tense atmosphere a little bit. "I remember one of those little canisters landing on my desk. But the funniest moment will always be when one hit Prentiss."
"Yeah... and one landed at Hotch's feet too." Reid smiled sadly, heading back down to the bullpen before opening the glass doors. Thankfully everyone else was gone, including Hotch and Rossi. But mostly JJ, he was glad that she had gone home to Henry and Will. The one thing he'd regret is leaving his godson behind, but he tried to not let it bother him. He could always keep in touch by writing letters to him, even if the three year old couldn't read them yet.
"You did a good job getting your organized mess cleaned up." Morgan chuckled softly, moving one arm around Reid's shoulders before they both walked over to the younger's desk. "Post its galore, pens… not much for me to pick through."
Reid opened a top drawer, smiling sadly as he pulled up a picture frame that contained a picture of himself and Morgan sleeping on the jet together. Morgan sleeping with his earphones and he was curled up on the seat next to him. He still wondered who managed to get a picture of that since he figured the team was asleep.
"I remember that." Morgan smiled, tilting his head as he saw a tear fall down Reid's cheek. He sighed, knowing that this was upsetting the younger man. And eventually he felt himself get choked up, his throat feeling tighter than normal. He blinked a couple times and felt a tear of his own fall down his cheek. "Damn… must be something in my eye…"
Reid shook his head, turning to place a few papers down before he put his arms around Morgan's shoulders. "No, you were crying. It's alright… I've been doing enough of that lately. But I had to put on a brave face after I killed Declan's mother… and hell… I didn't even know I was that good of a shot."
"The firing range helps." Morgan started, rubbing Reid's back before he kissed away a stray tear that had emerged after the younger blinked. He knew there was no shame in crying, but he did it so rarely it felt almost awkward to do so. "I am so proud of you, Pretty Boy… you did that without a second thought. And I'm sure you would have hit Doyle too if you wanted. You have come a long way…"
"I won't bother leaving a note… They'll notice I'm gone when they don't hear random facts or Star Wars and Doctor Who references." Reid smiled sadly, putting a few things in his bag after pulling away from Morgan. He left a few non essential items, deciding to take his name plate after sliding it out of the metal holder and placing it in the messenger bag with a picture of Henry as a newborn. "You can have this picture… I know I'll see you again."
"You will." Morgan nodded, watching as Reid turned on his heel to leave the office. He didn't want this to happen, but he also knew that Reid had been hurt so much in his life and was not quick to forgive. "And remember that I love you, Pretty Boy."
Reid smiled, putting one finger to his temple as he waved sadly toward Morgan before adjusting the messenger bag on his shoulder. "Eidetic memory, Derek. I won't forget you, or anything that we had together. I love you too… I always will."'
Morgan watched Reid as he turned back around, his back toward the glass doors. He walked over to the corner of the doors, a sad smile crossing his lips as he watched the young genius head toward the elevator. Once the doors opened he saw Reid one last time before they closed behind him.
The last time I saw him, we packed up my things
And he smiled like the first time he told me his name
And we cried with each other
We split the blame for the parts that we couldn't change
As stated earlier, that was hard for me to write. But I remembered what Reid said to the committee, and this is totally a what if scenario. If he felt too badly hurt by JJ and Prentiss then he couldn't stay with those that betrayed his trust. Mental note: Try to stay away from writing depressing fics.
As for my fics, don't worry. They will be much happier than this, complete with fluff and twin cuteness. And I apologize if this doesn't fit along with the song or theme of it. I'm not good at song challenges as you can tell. This won't be a two shot but if I have to fix this I'll try.