A/N: Sorry I haven't updated lately, I was trying to catch up on all my sleep that I missed over the weekend and finish the majority of this anime I've gotten into.
I am a stegosaurus asdf movie
Atama Ga Kuru Teru
Okami no Shirayuki
Disclaimer: I do not own HNKNA, Alice in Wonderland original book, Men in Black or the song by Avenue Q.
Claim: Alex and this plot belong to me.
~Mad Tea Party~
For some reason, my bed was moving. Which in a way was awesome because it means that I never have to leave it.
But my bed also felt bumpy and not very comfortable. Beds were supposed to be comfy! This was an outrage!
I shot my eyes open, ready to yell at the bed for being a bad bed, when I noticed that it was not a bed but in fact it was Mr Zombie-Liar. I was being carried on Mr Zombie-Liar's back!
Aw, that is so sweet of him to allow me to use him as a bed but I was still angry that he wasn't comfortable.
He was failing as a bed.
But because he was doing this for me I decided to give him the highest honour-changing his nickname.
From this day forward he shall be Mr Kitty! I know, it's original. You don't have to tell me. Only a genius could think of it.
On another topic, I could not remember my dream. That was too bad because I usually always remember my dreams. I'm pretty sure it involved Mr Hudson's clones, blood and knives.
Meh, who cares.
I like knives. They are shiny and pointy! When you touch people with them, red liquid spurts out of them. Then they fall down and stop moving.
A flicker from the corner of my eye grabs my attention. Looking over to Mr Kitty's head, I see that it's his ear, which keeps flickering. Fascinated, I raised one of my hands and poke the ear.
It flickered again!
Excited by this, I keep poking it just to see it flicker over and over again. But then to my disappointment Mr Kitty raised his hand and pushed mine away.
"Alex don't do that! It tickles…" He mumbled, his face turning red. Why was he blushing? That was weird.
"Sorry Mr Kitty."
"It's alright-wait, what did you call me?"
"Nothing! You can't prove anything!"
I noticed that we weren't heading to the Clock Tower, where I was supposed to be. I hope Girly Man, Lizard and Pirate aren't angry, that would suck.
"Where are we going?" I asked him.
"The Hatter's Mansion, they've invited us over for tea."
What? They wanted me to have tea at a hat house? Wait, it's near enough the middle of night, who has tea at night?
OMG, they must be vampires!
It makes so much sense! They probably want me for my glorious blood! Well they can't have me! The red liquid is precious! If anyone is spilling it, it will be me!
…As soon as I get a weapon.
"I don't want to go!" I whined, pushing myself off of Mr Kitty's back. I landed on the ground and prepared to turn around. Although I had no idea where I was going, I was sure it would lead me to the magic toads.
Magic toads are awesome, don't judge them!
Suddenly Mr Mouse ran over and latched onto me, making movement impossible. Darn it!
"Don't go! Please, you can't leave me with them Chu!" Mr Mouse squealed, tears running down his face.
I thought about it, considering my options. If I left now, maybe I can find more friends for MSF 5! Also, I could check on Pirate, Girly man and Lizard!
But then again I did use my precious time to find Mr Mouse and it means I can be all spy like by protecting him…
Looking left to right, I quickly ducked behind trees, keeping my eyes wide open. The area seemed innocent enough but you can never to sure.
"Pss, Winston, do you copy? Area seems clear, I'm scouting ahead!" I whispered to MSF 5 before leaping forwards towards another tree.
"Who is she talking too?" I heard Mr Kitty ask the twins, but I chose to ignore them.
I had to make sure the area was clear for Mr Mouse or I would fail at being his bodyguard. I was trained after all! I have ESP!
Extra Sensor Puma!
I saw a huge mansion ahead, that was probably wear Homosexual Blood and Goldilocks lived! Wow, this place was bigger then the orphanage, which was really big.
Still, it reeked of Homosexual Blood, making this place suspicious.
I saw a nearby tree and quickly climbed it, resting down on a branch. I noticed that there was a hole on the bark, like a bullet hole. (1)
Mr Kitty, the adorable twins and Mr Mouse went towards the gates, all looking confused. Ah, they couldn't see me or MSF 5 in our awesome hiding place!
Yes, I said awesome because it's so awesome that I have to say awesome a lot.
I dub this tree-Alex Tree! Best. Original. Name. Ever!
It also helped that it was dark, man I wish I was a cat. Then my eyes would glow!
Suddenly the gates to mansion flew open and Goldilocks came into view.
"Where have you been brats? You were supposed to be guarding the gates!" He bellowed, cheeks puffing out.
"But that's boring!" Blue twin complained.
"We had fun with Alex instead!" Red twin retorted.
Goldilocks blinked. "You did? Where is she?" he looked around but did not see me. Hah! That proves my hiding place is awesome!
Mr Kitty shrugged, sending a glare at Mr Mouse. "She was with us a few minutes ago but then disappeared."
Goldilocks slapped his head, MASOCHIST! "Great, Blood is not going to be happy. He really wanted her to show up."
It was then that Goldilocks looked at Mr Mouse, but that was enough to set me off.
"COLD BLUE, STEP AWAY FROM THE MOUSE!" I screeched, before jumping off the branch and landing on Goldilocks' back, effectively taking him down.
"What the-" he was about to say, but I quickly pushed his face onto the ground.
"You are to remain silent! You make any moves and you can say goodbye to the ears, rabbit!"
"Mpfh! Mpfh mpfh!"
I cocked my heads in confusion. "What was that?"
He lifted his heads, sending me an annoyed. "I said, I'm not a rabbit!"
If he's not a rabbit, what the heck is he?
"I'm a dog!"
"My my, what is going on here? I asked you to greet our gusts Elliot, not get trampled to the ground by a little girl." A familiar voice spoke up, making me sigh in annoyance.
In front of me was Homosexual Blood, who was smirking. He approached Goldilocks and me before suddenly wrapping his arms around me and placing me on the ground away from Goldilocks.. He then patted my head.
EW, I'VE GOT HOMOSEXUAL BLOOD GERMS!
While I was busy rubbing myself, trying to get the evil germs off of me, Homosexual Blood invited us to his party. That just confirmed more of my suspicious that he is in fact homosexual. I mean, who has a tea party besides little girls?
Maybe he's gay for Goldilocks and felt jealous when I pinned him down.
or maybe I'm just being to imaginative again.
The back garden was nice, covered in flowers. There was a also a long table filled with different tea cups and such. It was the type of table where if you hated someone, you could sit about a mile away from them.
Or the stripper tables, where men like to strip easily.
Once sat down, which unfortunately for me was next to Homosexual Blood, I noticed with distaste that a cup of tea was in front of me.
How do I get rid of it without anyone noticing? It didn't help that Homosexual Blood had his eyes on me.
"For a mafia group, you're not that threatening." I commented, upset at not seeing loads of men dressed in black. Maybe they went to take part in the Men in Black movie.
Homosexual Blood calmly took a sip from his evil tea. "There are too many spies from the other areas, so we can't exactly do as we please. Besides, it wouldn't' be 'part of the game'."
Wow, Wonderland's Mafia is shit.
Everything seemed calm at the table, well as calm as it could be. Mr Kitty was annoying Mr Mouse, Goldilocks was arguing with the adorable twins and Homosexual Blood was drinking tea.
What happened next was something that I had the urge ever since I saw Homosexual Blood. Maybe this would help him confess his love for Goldilocks.
"If you were gay, that'd be okay. I mean 'cause, hey, heh, I like you anyway. Because you see, if it were MEEE I would feel free to say that I was gay. (But I'm not gay)." I sang, looking directly at Homosexual Blood.
Mr Kitty spluttered. "Alex, what are you singing?"
"If you were queer, I'd still be here. Year after year, because you are a dear to me. And I know that you would accept me too if I told you today, 'hey, guess what, I'm gay!' (but I'm not gay)."
Goldilocks dropped his carrot cake in shock while the adorable twins were laughing their heads off. This must really be getting to them! They must understand how Homosexual Blood feels!
(Apparently Alex does not understand the situation at all.)
"I'm happy just being with you! So what should it matter to me what you DO IN BED WITH OTHER GUYS?"
"What is going on Chu?"
"If you were gay, I'd shout HOORAY! And here I'd stay! But I wouldn't get in your way! You can count on me to always be beside you everyday to tell you, 'It's okay, you were just born that way and as they say, IT'S IN YOUR DNA!'"
"A-Alex, please stop!"
"IF YOU WERE GAY~" I finished, bowing.
I then looked at the shocked faces before turning to Homosexual Blood, who seemed to have his face hidden behind his hands.
"So Homosexual Blood," I asked cheerfully, "When will you confess your feelings for Goldilocks?"
I hope you liked the chapter, now for some senseless advertisements:
If you are a fan of HETALIA, please check out my one-shot 'Breakaway Timeline.'
1-The tree she was talking about was the one Alice was hiding behind when Elliot and Ace were fighting in the first volume.