Thanks to all my lovely reviewers! And now for a long-expected poll result chapter! *dun dun dunnnnnnn*
Extremely profuse sorries for the million-year long wait. Seriously, almost two months? That is far too long. My muse totally abandoned me. And I procrastinated. And my teachers are trying to kill me. I'm sorry that this chapter isn't up to much.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Except for Li, Xavier, and Tristan and the Ten Commandments of Ninja. They are mine! Mine! My precious! Damn, that sounded creepy.
"OMG WE SHOULD PLAY NINJA!"
Xavier's shout startled me out of my boredom.
"Ninja, hmmm? Decent idea."
"But we might break stuff…no…" His face fell. "My face just fell."
"I have never understood that expression. How do faces fall?"
"I don't know."
"Ah, screw it, let's play Ninja! Who wants to play Ninja?"
"What is Ninja?" Pippin got around a mouthful of pizza.
"The flipping coolest game EVER!" yelled Tristan. "Are we playing Ninja?"
"No. We're not. We're just talking about it. Of course we're playing Ninja, get over here, dude!"
"Someone is still not off his sugar high."
"How do you play?" asked Pippin.
"First, you stop eating pizza."
"Then you get over here. And form a circle."
"And then what do you do?"
"Here" I showed him. "Let's just show you while we play. 3…2…1…Ninja!" I put my hands up in front of my face in the classic ninja pose. Xavier had his further out. Merry and Pip were standing there awkwardly, while Tristan had his hands behind his back."
"Ten Commandments of Ninja, Double T. Thou shalt not start with thy hands behind thy back."
Xavier began to hum while I explained the rules of Ninja.
"Alright, Merry, Pip, the Ten Commandments of Ninja!
One: Thou shalt attempt to hit the next person in the circle's hand with thy hand when it is thy turn.
Two: When it is not thy turn, thou shalt not move, except for breathing and blinking.
Three: Thou shalt not kick, bite, or do anything other than hit the other person's hand with thy hand for the hit to count.
Four: If another person is attempting to hit thy hand, thou may move to evade them, but only then.
Five: The ruling of Lianna shalt be taken as law as to whether a hit counts or not. It is final. No questions.
Six: Thou shalt not hum annoying songs like Friday, Baby, or They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard while playing Ninja. 'Tis a violation of commandment number two anyway.
Seven: Thou shalt only take one step when it is thy turn.
Eight: Thou shalt not jump to another place and mess up the order. This shalt confuzzle everyone else.
Nine: Thou shalt not start with thy hands behind thy back.
Ten: All ye who art not playing shalt not disturb the players. "Disturb" shalt include imitating Captain Jack Sparrow.
Got all that, little guys?"
"We're older than you, but yes," Merry replied.
I smiled. "Great. Let's play!"
We played four rounds. I won three, but Pip actually managed to win once. We were about to start the fifth when Legolas joined in.
He beat me. No, not beat me, kicked my ass. A lot. Sometimes painfully. It got annoying, as I am the ninja champion of the planet. So, I resorted to trickery, which is always fun.
It had been about seven rounds before the opportune moment presented itself. Legolas's left hand had just hit Merry's and circled back around, landing directly in front of his groin. Perfect.
I smirked. I had him now! I went for his left hand. He pulled it out of the way easily, almost faster than the eye could see, but I punched him in the groin as hard as I could. Revenge! Yes!
He doubled over, pulling on my ankle. I fell down, crashing my head into the fuzzy tan carpet.
"The revenger has been revenged upon," he grinned.
"Now where did you steal that line from?" Dang, my head hurts.
"I invented it."
"No you didn't-GIMLI!"
A very drunk Gimli staggered into the room. "Can…I play…"
He fell, face-first, onto the carpet.
"HOW IN THE WORLD DID HE REACH THE CABINET WITH DAD'S BEER?" I shouted to no one in particular.
"Li, here's the bottle." Tristan handed it to me.
I read it. "I didn't know Dad had Captain Morgan rum. Let's see-OH NOES!"
"What?" Xavier ran over. "Is the world ending?"
"This is 35 percent alcohol!" I screamed. "And the IDIOT drank the ENTIRE THING!"
"It's only 35 percent full?" asked Tristan. But I had no time for questions.
"He's gonna have a headache of the apocalypse when he wakes up. This is not good, not good at all."
"Why is the rum gone?" Xavier asked.
"Because Gimli drank it!"
"I thought it was a vile drink that turned the most respectable of men into complete scoundrels!"
"Shut up with your stupid quotes!"
"I used to shut up, but then I took an arrow to the knee."
"Oh my God!"
"I used to listen to my sister, but then I took an arrow to the knee!"
"You took an arrow to the knee?" Aragorn frowned. "That hurts."
"Let's play more Ninja," I grumbled. "And next person who says 'arrow to the knee' is getting an arrow to the knee."
"I used to care about my sister's orders, but then I took an arrow to the knee."
I took Legolas's dark wood bow off the chair and leveled it at his head.
"That's not my knee."
I aimed lower.
"That's not my knee, and if you shoot me there, I will personally rip off your arms."
I aimed a bit lower.
"Yes, that's my knee. Brilliant."
I pulled the bow back. Or tried to.
"What is wrong with this thing? It won't pull back!"
"You need to have muscles. Like moi," said Legolas, coming up from behind me and taking the bow out of my hands. "Don't shoot people, it's not very nice."
"You shoot people," I complained.
"I'm different. I can actually shoot this thing."
"Anyone up for more Ninja?" asked Tristan.
"NO!" shouted Legolas.
"Once bitten, twice shy," I said.
"You have the word cliché in Middle-Earth?"
"But it's French."
"I am getting nowhere."
"How can we play Ninja without stepping on Gimli?" Tristan asked me rightly.
"How about we play a prank on him?"
"Play a prank on him."
I was taken aback. "You are the essence of absolute brilliance! Now what should we do?"
"Well then. Guys?" I called to the Fellowship. "What does Gimli hate?"
"Boats?" suggested Legolas.
"We do not have a boat. What else?"
"All guys hate Justin Bieber," Xavier offered.
"What about Troy Tulowitzki?" I came back with.
"He likes Justin Bieber?"
"I am never saying anything good about that man again."
"All guys hate fairy princesses." Trist steered us back on topic.
"Where," I demanded, "is my fairy princess Halloween costume?"
COMMENCE POINT OF VIEW OF AN OMNISCIENT NARRATOR
It was around fifteen minutes later when the red-haired dwarf arose from the floor. He looked around dazedly with an aching head; maybe having had an entire bottle of rum was not the best idea, even if it did taste good.
Where were those children? They had just…vanished. How long had he been out? It didn't feel like too long, but you could never tell when drunk.
What was that on the floor? Glitter? What was glitter doing on the floor? Where did it come from? Was he hallucinating? He shook his head to try to clear it, but more glitter appeared.
Then he noticed what he was wearing. A pink dress with a ruffled skirt and more lace then was really necessary for anyone ever and WAY more glitter than was also necessary for anyone ever.
"LIANNA YOU ARE DEAD!" he roared. "Once I find you."
In a nearby closet, faint giggles were heard.
Troy Tulowitzki is the shortstop of the Rockies and actually does like Justin Bieber.
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