We are cartoonics, we are insane, we are puppies.
Chapter 5: The Episode with No Real Plot
Disclaimer: Something about copyright law.
A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in, what? Three months? I've been busy with a lot of things and, well, I lost interest. But no worry, the interest is back! Like I said, I was going to have a big five-chapter story where the gang gets back together, but I couldn't bring myself to it. So instead, let's say the most of the gang got back through, a montage! Yeah, a montage. Except for the squirrels and Mr. Plotz.
This is something I wrote to stop writer's block.
It's time for An-i-man-i-acs!
And we're zany to the max,
So just sit back and relax,
You'll laugh 'til you collapse,
Come join the Warner brothers,
And the Warner sister Dot,
Watch us as we run around the Warner movie lot,
They lock us in the tower,
Whenever we get caught,
But we break loose,
And then vamoose,
And now you know the plot!
Dot is cute while Yakko yaks,
Wakko packs away the snacks,
We pay lots of income tax,
Meet Pinky and the Brain as they try to rule the universe,
Goodfeathers flock together while Slappy wacks 'em with her purse,
Buttons chases Mindy,
While Rita sings a verse,
The puppies flipped,
We have no script,
Why bother to rehearse?
We have pay-or-play contracts,
We're zany to the max,
We have baloney in our slacks!
A real painey!
An-i-man-i-acs! Those are the facts!
The Paranoid Puppies Headquarters in Las Vegas, Nevada- 0900 hours
(That's 9 o'clock in your terms)
A certain dark-brown Chihuahua puppy was marching around a certain trio of puppy-kitten-monkey-like Cartoonus Characteruses as they read a book titled, Pop Culture of a Very Messed-Up World, Also Known as the 2010's.
"Good news guys!" exclaimed Lucky as he ran out of one of the portals and onto the raised platform, holding something in his paws, "I despised PC so much, that I finally went out and bought a Mac," he held up a 15-inch Macbook Pro.
"How many times do I have to tell you this? PC in your book means 'political-correctness' not 'personal computer.' If you really want to attack PC, instead of getting a Mac, use some offensive words," replied Coco.
"Oh I don't know," he got out a smartphone from behind his back, "How about, retarded, Canadian, or…derpy?"
"In that case, you're derpy, whatever that means."
"Hey sibs, and pups, according to this, the most popular show on air is about a triangle-head kid and his rectangle-headed stepbrother building stuff, and it's on Disney Channel," Yakko interrupted.
"That's from 2010, turn the page," replied Lucky. Wakko took the book away and turned the page.
"Would you look at that," he said.
"What, what?" his other two siblings asked anxiously.
"Time to start the show, thanks to my Mac, I finally finished writing the next episode, and it's a whole lot better than that PC on my desk," interrupted Lucky, "and yes, we are getting paid by Apple," he whispered the second part quietly and winked at Coco.
"Why are you, oh. Wait that was a PC? I thought that was a marshmallow cooker," Coco said, gesturing towards a large, smoking computer tower on Lucky's desk, where two pups were currently roasting marshmallows on.
"Does this mean we can't cook marshmallows anymore?'
"It's, it's, it's—"
"START THE SHOW ALREADY!"
Good Idea, Bad Idea
And now for another Good Idea, Bad Idea.
Good Idea: Watch Animaniacs DVD's on your big screen TV. (Mr. Skullhead happily sits on his couch with a soda in his hand and laughs)
Bad Idea: Read Animaniacs 2011 on your laptop. (Mr. Skullhead is shown on his couch, his laptop in his lap, brain rotted, and reduced to nothing but a pile of bones…wait, what?)
WRITTEN BY LUCKY ACROS AND EDISON PUPPY
PRODUCED BY RUSTY MILLS AND STEVEN SPIELBERG
"You can't do this I've been with this company since it was a small movie theater run by the actual Warner brothers! Yaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! *boing* Did you have to throw me out the window into the street! *beep beep* Ahh, roadrunner!"
It has been more than 13 years since that faithful day, when Jamie Kellner replaced Thaddeus Plotz, kicking him onto the streets, literally. In that time, Mr. Plotz became a hobo, specifically the one who kept on walking past the Warner Bros. movie lot everyday with discontent, pushing a shopping cart with all of his belongings, and there weren't many. Finally, the day came when the police officers found him using a stolen shopping cart, confiscating it and all of his belongings.
"Next time, don't steal," the police officer had said.
It was March 3, 2012, and the short, chubby former CEO of Warner Bros. passed by his former workplace when he noticed the telltale signs. He, like most of the other people, had said the phrase "they're back" without knowing what it meant. By now, he had entirely forgotten about it, thinking it had something to do with it being the thirteenth anniversary of Cancellation Day, or as most Animaniacs called it, Destruction Day.
Looking upon the studio lot, he could see the signs that, although already looking out of the ordinary for anyone, only a person having been in the animation industry would recognize. It meant that a cartoon was being filmed.
Scattered around the lot were swirly purple portals like the ones that the Paranoid Puppies used, except instead of being powered by fire hydrants, they were powered by metal Warner Brother shields lying on the ground like manhole covers or baseball plates. They led to different places and times.
Connected to each shield were two rolls of film on opposite sides of the shield, one roll making the film go through the portal and the other pulling it out. Off to the side were people ready to cut the film.
Scattered throughout the studio were invisible floating cameras, their presence only known by a small heat-wave-like ripple shaped like a camera that doesn't take much effort to find. They could only take one picture at a time, and were designed to make cels look as three-dimensional as possible.
People tried to imitate cartoon characters using cartoon physics, using things such as Styrofoam safes and cardboard anvils. Others were shining huge lights onto huge sheets of plastic and paper.
Stacks of paper, pencils, paintbrushes, pens, and jars of paint and India ink also were next to a bunch of artists working endlessly to draw safes, anvils, and other Acme products in real life.
If it was a live-action project, all Warner would've had to do was bring a camera and use a soundstage. If it was a flash project, all they would've needed to do were to use tablets and computers. This meant that the project, whatever it was, was going to be traditionally animated.
What was WB working on? Thaddeus got his answer when he stole a glance at the studio water tower. The logo was swung open, like a door. Not only that, but the inside, save for a triple-bunk bed, was hollow.
Mr. Plotz paled, no it couldn't be.
But in the middle of it all, in a director's chair (even though he was a producer) was the big man himself, Steven Spielberg.
Yep, it was an Animaniacs project, and he wasn't part of it.
At first, he felt confused, why was there an Animaniacs project? Then he felt disappointed at how he couldn't lead it, he had a small spot for those Warners, then annoyed, nostalgic, stupefied, and finally, angry. Angry at the police for taking his belongings, angry at Jamie for making him into a hobo into the first place, angry at Turner Broadcasting for bringing him in the first place, and finally, angry at how WB kept on making cartoons without him. In fact, he was so mad, he—
"And in other news, a 5.1 magnitude earthquake has hit Los Angeles. Strangely, the epicenter of said earthquake was located near the Warner Brothers' Studio lot, not along any known faults. Some are even saying that the earthquake might be a foreshock to the upcoming 'Big One.' Now, to our seismic expert, Mr. Gounds A. Shakin."
-You get it, don't you?
The earthquake, causing some property damage, caused Spielberg to turn around as the animators and editors realigned themselves." Is that…Mr. Plotz? Thaddeus, I haven't seen you in a while!"
"DON'T TALK THAT WAY TO ME! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE HAD TO GO THROUGH? 15 YEARS AGO, I WOULD'VE LOVED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION GOING, BUT NOW! DOING SOME BIG ANIMANIACS PROJECT WITHOUT ME, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT YOURSELF? I'VE BEEN WITH THIS COMPANY SINCE IT WAS A SMALL MOVIE THEATER!"
"RE, ahem, relax, I was going to—"
"RELAX! WHY WOULD I RELAX, I—" BUT, ahem, but Spielberg interrupted him.
"As I was saying, I was going to ask you if you wanted to come back. Maybe start as our financial advisor at Amblin, become one of the main chairmen of TimeWarner, and maybe even become CEO and replace Barry one day."
"DON'T INTERUPPT, wait, what?"
"You heard what I said."
"Warner Bros. is the only thing I know, do you really thing so?"
" I know so."
"Great! So when do I start?"
"Take these calculators and reports and do some mathematics, the Amblin Headquarters has been part of the WB lot ever since those girls put it there during the Tiny Toons period."
"I'm on it sir!" and with that, he ran off. Spielberg watched his figure as it sped away. As soon as the blur was out of sight, he turned around and faced the camera.
"What? We needed Plotz back for the Warners to annoy, and we also needed some filler," he shrugged as the screen irised in on his face.
She's a cranky old critter,
We warn ya,
She lives in a tree-house,
In Burbank, California,
Along with her nephew,
He says 'spew,'
And when his aunt starts to rant,
She gives him an earful,
It's generation gappy,
Take a whirl with the squirrels,
Skippy and Slappy!
That's (my aunt) Slappy!
Skippy and Slappy-
LUCKY C. PUPPY ACROS
EDISON CROSS ORCA PUPPY
COCO C. PUPPY PETT
THE WARNER BROTHERS (AND SISTER DOT)
It was a dark and stormy night.
Fine, it was a bright and sunny afternoon, like it always was in the Slappy Squirrel Memorial Park, formerly known as Burbank Park. Slappy never bothered to tell the Los Angeles County that she was still alive because of two reasons:
She liked having a park named after her.
She was too lazy.
Luckily, no one had asked what Skippy's living arrangements were, so he was safe.
Anyway, it was a bright and sunny afternoon, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the squirrels were playing…video games in the dark, shady tree. Here in the treehouse, Skippy and Sammy Squirrel (no relation) were playing [insert generic video game here] on their [circle one: Wii, Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, or other]. In the privacy of her bedroom, Slappy Squirrel was doing what all squirrels do in the spring, taxes.
"I hate the IRS, but then again, who doesn't?"
Back in the living room, Skippy and Sammy had started up a conversation.
"What is that big black thing on the back of the TV?"
"How many times do I have to tell you this, that 'box' is part of the TV."
"You never get used to that. By the way, why do you have so much old stuff?"
"My aunt, err, likes to keep things for…sentimental value, yeah that's it."
"So black boxes that hold movies are from the 1830's?"
"Hey, I can hear you from up here!"
"Sorry Aunt Slappy."
"Not you, Sammy."
"Sooorry Ms. Squirrel."
"Soooooo, I heard you have a crush on that pink squirrel in our class, Sally," Sammy said, interrupting the awkward silence.
"Whahat?" he stuttered.
"Oh come on, practically all of Slappy Squirrel Memorial Middle School knows."
"Does Sally know?"
"Except for her, although I think she suspects. But you need to do something for her to finally notice you. You need to become famous. What could you do to become famous?"
"How about becoming an actor?" said a voice from behind the front door.
"Who said that?" the other two squirrels asked simultaneously and fearfully. In burst in three, barking, dog-like figures, held at the end of their leashes by two figures. The harsh lighting made it difficult to see anything more than silhouette.
When the squirrels' eyes finally adjusted, they could see that the three baking figures were Yakko, Wakko, and Lucky. The two figures holding the leashes were Dot and Coco. They also found that they were hugging each other in fear, and they attempted to find their composure.
"Hey Skip, where's your aunt?" asked Yakko.
"Who are they?" asked Sammy.
"Old friends, really old friends. Aunt Slappy's upstairs, doing taxes," Skippy replied.
"Thanks," the three siblings quickly ran upstairs and got ready to ram the door, instead deciding to just lightly knock at the last minute.
"What do you want, can't you see I'm doing time in prison?" the cranky gray squirrel answered.
"Don't you mean taxes?" asked Yakko.
"I'll be doing both if you don't leave me alone!"
"Relax Slappy, we just came here to see if you would like to look at this," he pulled an official-looking piece of paper and showed to Slappy.
"Is this…a contract?"
"Not just any contract, a pay-or-play contract with Warner Bros. We're bringing the gang back together, and all we need is you! Animaniacs is coming back!"
"I'll sign, if you stop annoying me. Besidesf, cartoons these days just, to put it lightly, stink. I'll show them what comedy is!"
"Sure Slappy, sure."
A/N: Sorry I had to cut it off at that point, but I lost interest and I am never going to write ever again. April Fools!
Actually, that's the reason I cut it off. I wanted to get a chapter up by April Fools Day but the chapter wasn't finished. Seemed fitting. Constructive Criticism appreciated.
TO BE CONTINUED