-Give way to fits of rage and subsequent violence, but instead maintain inner dignity and poise as a respectable member of the Homunculi.
-Drink more than average intake of alcohol (21 units per week). Excess makes one look desperate and self-destructive.
-Contemplate on inner turmoil, as is prone to above fits of rage as a result, and doing so would destroy self-imposed dignity and poise.
-Pig out like can actually lose weight, since can't. Instead, eat sensibly, so others will praise self-management.
-Go out of way to make people think one desperately in need of said praise, but instead maintain air of assertiveness without arrogance to dissuade such thoughts.
-Cause random bouts of destruction unless instructed or if genuinely needed.
-Throw natural sexiness in others' faces, as makes one look needy and insecure. Instead, imagine others' thoughts while shamelessly bragging.
-Complain, as makes one look childish and become the butt of mockery.
-Give a shit about own inner turmoil. Rationalize own feelings with sensibility and calm.
-Fuck up missions.
-Make oneself look weak by fucking up missions.
-Take the form of ugly moustachioed and/or old military men. Instead take form of cute-yet-slightly-sinister young men.
-Go crazy at every little comment towards oneself. Remember: dignity and poiseis key to awesomeness.
-Rage at all humanity. Instead dissuade feelings with own good image and self-control to make humanity seem utterly worthless by comparison.
-Bitch behind others' backs, as makes one look petty.
-Plot unnecessarily during important missions, as own carelessness causing general fucking up of missions.
-Party like no-one's business. Makes Father angry. And is trying to save up for a personal TV.
-Make own decisions, as own initiative is shit.
-Let Lust date emotional fuckwits, spineless money-grabbers, foreign immigrants, ugly military personnel (which naturally includes all personnel), hobos, dopey love-sick dipshits, boy-band members, and anyone else one thinks is unworthy of Lust's cleavage, even if she is dating them under Father's orders.
-Kill any of the above if any manage to squirm into Lust's breasts in such a way that everyone will notice and Father will suspect self of crime, and thus endure a damn hell of a spanking and painful reproach from Lust.
-Contemplate Gluttony's imminent death, but console oneself with ideas of howthe mindless glob will kick the bucket.
-Masturbate to compensate for lack of sexual partner. Instead, convince self needs no partner to achieve happiness. Think of Greed and his endless supply of whores. Is he happy? No. So there.
-Idly do nothing for days on end when have no mission. Pass time effectively with other none-potentially-destructive activities.
-Wail on how ugly true self is. Imagine other more uglier creatures to console self.
-Despair on general uselessness. Find ways to be more useful.
-Anger Father. Spanking will be thus avoided.
-Abandon will to live if none of above resolutions are met. Raise hope for next year.
-Impose dignity and poise on self to impress others and boost self-esteem.
-Keep alcohol intake at 21 units per week or less (preferably). Makes one look generally retarded and pitiful. Have seen Wrath drunk. Remember the horror when thinking of getting wasted.
-Refrain from random bouts of insanity and violence by fulfilling the above.
-Entertain self in times of inactivity with harmless activities of self-education and self-training to boost self-esteem and usefulness.
-Keep maiming to bare minimum.
-Boost self-control by doing all of the above.
-Convince self everything is fine and dandy. Shit happens, but happiness will come in some form or another.
-Eat sensibly to maintain good self-image.
-Flatter Father to keep in his good-book. Is unaware if old fart owns one, but is worth a shot.
-Kill any emotional fuckwits, spineless money-grabbers, foreign immigrants, ugly military personnel (which naturally includes all personnel), hobos, dopey love-sick dipshits, boy-band members, and anyone else one thinks is unworthy of Lust's cleavage.
-Kill any of the above in such a way that no one will notice and Father will not suspect self of crime, and thus avoid a damn hell of a spanking and painful reproach from Lust.
-Agree with everything Father and/or Pride says to maintain good self-image and preserve life.
-Hate in silence.
-Kill Greed one day, since is bane of own existence.
-Impress other's with self-control and calm disposition.
-Genuinely love self, and tell self so.
-Find ways to be useful. Examples: not fucking up missions, training self to succeed in missions and life in general, doing Father's laundry without bitching about it.
-Let other siblings (with sound minds) accompany self on missions, even ones hated by self, as self-decision-making is shit.
-Not swear, but instead do so under breath or to oneself.
-Not party. Must salvage life's savings (pocket money) and not anger Father.
-Maintain dignity and poise.
-Maintain good self-esteem.
-Fulfil as many above resolutions as is inhumanly possible. Preferably all.
-Prepare severe punishment for all humanity if fail to fulfil resolutions. Make it painful. Perhaps a mass genocide, or another Michael Bay movie. Then raise hope for next year.
Review please! More funny to come :D