I've never taken much thought into how I would die; then again, those times were simple. Now things were a lot harder to deal with. I sometimes think if I died would anyone care? Maybe, but few people would if that or maybe none at all. I try to put a brave face and get through my day with a smile but now I can't smile, I can't even laugh. I refuse to even talk to anyone but my family. My mother was asked to come into the school and tell the principal why I won't speak.
"I don't know why he won't speak," my mother said to my horrible principal.
"Well, it needs to change," she said to my mother and I was sitting out of the office and I growled when she spoke that way to my sweet mother. She was like me. The same light teal hair and the same soft emerald eyes. well, hers are soft, mine? Not so much anymore. I have tough looking emerald eyes now. I used to be soft and very social. I was that way. Now I think that's showing weakness, way too much weakness. I'm not weak, I will never show anyone weakness. I have walls around me that I am determined to keep them up. It was weird when I felt emotion. I showed no emotion anymore.
I was walking in the hall, while my mother talked to the principal, and two girls stared at me and I just growled at them. I never liked being looked at with strange looks. I hate it so much. I went to my first period, Gym. Lovely, everyone hates me and it was Dodge ball Day. Just what I needed. I put my uniform on and I was picked by the most annoying person I have ever meant, Markus Ride. I got the ball and I threw it, hitting a girl in the nose. I smirked when she hit the ground and didn't get up.
I walked over to the fountain and I got to have cold water run down my throat and shivered. I looked over and she had got up and had a broken nose. I chuckled to myself and Markus came over and I was praying to god to have Markus not say anything. Oh yeah, did I mention once he starts talking he doesn't shut up?
"Hey Johan!" Markus snapped, my praying went unanswered , as usual. Screw you god, I thought.
"…" I stayed quiet. refusing to say anything to him.
"Why did you throw the ball that hard at her? She didn't do anything to deserve a broken nose," Markus continued and I just shrugged, not really caring about her.
"I mean, yeah she is a little mean but not mean enough to hurt her! Your a monster, Johan!" that was it, I punched him and he hit the ground and I growled deeply at him and Markus growled. Then I never thought I would say anything but I whispered into his ear as low and as dark as I could get my voice to go, "Don't talk to me like I'm the bad guy Ride. 'Cause I'm not, but I will be towards you if I have to get you off my back." Markus growled and I let him go and walked away and for some reason he smirked when I was talking to him. Its like he was saying that to make me talk to him- I'm an idiot. He did do that to hear me speak. I punched the wall leaving a blood mark on it from my hand.
I growled and I knew I had to stay away from him. He makes me feel weird. I felt angry around him all the time. I never liked him. I would hate that more than anything in my dumb piece of crap life. I told myself I can't fall in love. I just can't not form what happened the last time. Everything was perfect till she called and told me that she never loved me and only used me to get her ex-boyfriend back. I, then, told myself to never speak, or even let anyone close. All they do is break me down even more. I made those walls to protect myself from the world.
I learned people want to break me, break my walls around my heart. Markus seems to be the one who can get through them and make me feel angried. I just growl. I hate the way I feel around him. I changed back into my normal clothes hiding some of the many burns I have been putting on me. I like the feeling of pain. Even though my mom and dad are the happiest people in the world. One more thing, my parents are homophobic and guess what else? I'm gay. Talk about a slap in the face from your family. I growl at every girl they try to make me like, but none come close. I guess I like the feeling of being able to talk back to them because I'm gay and they don't know it. When they do, I can't wait to see the looks I get.
I shivered cause sometimes I get so angry it makes me so sick to my stomach its not even funny. I growled and punched my locker and my knuckles once again left blood on the locker. I just sighed and when I went to grabbed my book. I looked up and saw Markus. I just stared thinking DID HE FOLLOW ME? I just stared as he wrapped my hand. He finished and I wanted to hit him so hard I wish I could break every bone in his body. I hated being followed and him wrapping my hands made me even more mad.
"I'm only doing this cause my sister asked me too," Markus told me.
"..." I didn't say a word to him.
"Whatever. I don't care what happens to you. I, personally, want you dead," Markus said and walked away and I just growled. Everyone says the same thing, I thought. I just sighed and grabbed my stuff. I wanted out of the school so bad, but I can't leave. So I called my mom and she told the principal I wasn't feeling well. She didn't find out about the girl till the end of the day. My mom and dad yelled at me for the whole thing and all I did was stare at them with a blank look.
It was then when my parents decided to send me to a private school. That's how I got here at, in my opinion, Monster High. More of that later. let me take you to the present. At my new private school.