A/N: Blaine's thoughts. Kurt's thoughts.
Trigger Warning: This story will have some extremely angsty moments. Rated M for mentions of cutting, sexual abuse, rape, and eventual smut.
Disclaimer: I own nothing other than the imagination behind this plot.
"Oh yeah Hummel. That feels so good." Karofsky moaned.
Karofsky's hand was clutching Kurt's hair as he forced Kurt to suck him off. Kurt was crying, disgusted in himself for doing it.
"Quit fucking crying and take it Hummel!" Karofsky growled, pulling Kurt's hair violently. Kurt gagged for the millionth time and pulled off in order to vomit. "Get your fucking fairy face back over here! I'm not done with you!
Kurt woke up abruptly, soaking in sweat. It took him a few minutes to realize that he wasn't in the supply closet, nor was he at home, but at Dalton. He tried shaking the memory off but couldn't. He felt disgusting and pathetic. He got off the bed and headed into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He brushed ferociously, desperate to make the memory and all the emotions attached to it disappear but it wasn't working. He quickly ran over to his bag in search for the razor he hid. His father of course found it and took it out unbeknownst to him. Kurt threw his bag on the bed and walked back into the bathroom. Blaine has to have a razor. Where the hell is it? After searching the bathroom and finding nothing, he started getting desperate.
He searched the room for scissors, a razor, anything to make it stop, but found nothing. Kurt felt the bile make its way up so he rushed over to the toilet and vomited. He was completely and utterly disgusted in himself. He needed to release before he completely lost it. Without realizing, he started to sing. It started off as low mumbles but slowly grew louder. For a few moments, Kurt lost himself in the song, forgetting the dream, forgetting his pain.
During those few moments, Blaine came back from Warbler practice. He heard Kurt singing from outside the door and couldn't help but think that it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard. He slowly opened the door and walked in to find Kurt in the bathroom. He didn't want to interrupt his singing, especially since Burt told him he didn't sing anymore, but he didn't want Kurt to feel like he was spying on him either.
"Kurt?" Blaine said cautiously. Kurt immediately stopped singing and turned around to see Blaine standing at the bathroom door. "Are you ok?" Blaine asked when he noticed that Kurt had been crying.
"I'm fine." Kurt said quickly, cursing himself as he wiped the tears away.
"Hey Blaine, you coming?" Nick asked as he opened the bedroom door.
"Yeah, I'll be right there." Blaine told him. "We're going hang out in the common room, you want to join?" he asked Kurt.
"No thanks." Kurt said shaking his head.
"Are you sure? It'll be fun and it's better than being alone." Blaine said smiling sweetly. Kurt hesitated so Blaine stepped a little closer. He wasn't surprised when Kurt cowered back. "Come on, Kurt. Do you really want to be left alone with your thoughts?" Blaine asked knowingly. No, he didn't want to be left alone with his thoughts. That was always dangerous for him.
"Ok, I'll hang out." Kurt agreed quietly.
"Great. Come on." Blaine said as he offered Kurt his hand. Kurt eyed Blaine for a moment before accepting his hand and letting Blaine lead him into the common room.
"Guys, this is Kurt. Kurt this is Wes, Nick, Jeff, Thad, and Trent. You already know David." Blaine said with a comforting smile. There was something about the way the Blaine smiled at him that made him forget how disgusting he was.
"Hi." Kurt said just above a whisper.
"Hey Kurt. Welcome to Dalton." Nick greeted. "You have a choice of playing Marvel: Ultimate Alliance or any one of these board games."
Kurt glanced at the board games, letting a faint smile come across his face when he saw his childhood favorite.
"One catch your eye?" Blaine asked curiously.
"Yeah, Battleship's my favorite." Kurt said softly.
"Oh I'll play battleship with you!" Trent said quickly.
"Ok, sure." Kurt shrugged. Kurt walked over to the table Trent started setting up for the game and Blaine sat in the table next to theirs as Nick set up the chess set.
"I don't know why you insist on playing me. You know you're going to lose." Blaine teased Nick.
"Oh, please Anderson. I so got this." Nick teased back.
The next few hours were spent in the common room. Kurt had beaten Trent several times in battlefield, Blaine had annihilated Nick in chess, and the rest of the Warblers had been trying to defeat the same boss for an hour. Trent and Nick had switched to playing checkers, Kurt was watching the boys lose to the boss battle again, and Blaine was watching Kurt.
"You're doing it wrong." Kurt finally said after another failed attempt.
"What do you mean?" David asked, frustrated that they couldn't get passed the level.
"You're fighting him wrong. That's why you keep losing." Kurt said looking away, afraid of the backlash.
"Well then here, you try." David said, getting up from where he was sitting to hand Kurt the Xbox remote.
Kurt took it slowly and looked back at the TV. Thad asked him what he thought they should do so Kurt quietly instructed them. He knew the game well because he and Finn played it often. Blaine couldn't help but wonder about what had happened to Kurt. He talked more than Blaine had expected, but he never smiled. Blaine had never seen anyone so sad before. At least he was talking to them though. When he first got there, it took the guys weeks to get him to hang out. He was glad that Kurt agreed so quickly, but was still worried about him. He got the feeling that Kurt's quick acceptance was due to the fact that he was desperate to be heard, even if he didn't realize it himself.
Blaine decided that he would do his best to help Kurt the way the Warblers had helped him. No one deserved to feel sad and broken, especially someone as breathtaking as Kurt. I'll talk to him about the Warblers tomorrow. He deserves some happiness in his life. We can offer him that. After finally beating the boss battle, thanks to Kurt, the boys decided to go off to bed. They thanked Kurt for helping them and Kurt simply shrugged in response. He followed Blaine back into the bedroom and went to sleep without another word.
When Kurt woke up that next morning, he was relieved that he hadn't had any nightmares. Since it was only 8am, he tried falling back to sleep. Tried but failed. His thoughts began to wander so he quickly got up and headed into the bathroom. He took a quick shower and got himself ready for the day. It used to take him hours to get ready, but after everything started happening, he lost the will to fix himself like he used to. Dressed in sweats and a simple shirt, he quietly left the room so Blaine could sleep. He wasn't surprised to find the hallway and common room empty. He made his way to the house kitchen, more out of curiosity then the desire to eat.
The kitchen was big enough to accommodate the 30 boys in Kurt's house which surprised him. It also looked like the kitchen was rarely used. He wondered if any of the boys even knew how to cook. He searched through the drawers, not looking for anything in particular. When he reached the silverware drawer, he noticed that they were plastic. Why would a school with so much money have plastic cutlery? As he continued to search, he realized that he had all the ingredients he would need to bake cookies. It had been a long while since he baked but for whatever reason, he had the urge to do it. Without a second thought, he put on the apron that looked brand new, took out all the ingredients, and started baking.
About halfway through his baking process, he had started singing. Unlike the night before, he became aware of the fact that he was singing again very quickly. Part of him was screaming at him to stop singing, that it was dangerous even. But another part of him missed it so much that it pushed the negativity away. He had barely been there a day and he already felt safer than he ever did at McKinley. He was enjoying the current simplicity of his life so much that he hadn't noticed Wes standing in the doorway.
"You've got an amazing voice, Kurt." Wes said, startling him. He instantly dropped the spatula and the mixing bowl on the floor.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I'll clean up and get out of your way." Kurt said quickly, scrambling to clean up the mess, terrified of the consequence.
"Hey, it's cool." Wes assured him. "You don't need to rush out of here. You didn't wake me either. I always get up this early."
"Why don't you sleep in?" Kurt asked him as he cleaned the batter off the floor.
"I try to but my internal clock never lets me." Wes shrugged. "So, you sing?"
"Not really." Kurt replied, refusing to look at Wes.
"That's too bad. You've got a great voice. The Warblers could use you." Wes said sincerely. Kurt nodded but said nothing. "Do you usually bake this early?" He asked, reaching over to grab a cookie off the cooling rack.
"No. I actually haven't baked in a while. I don't know what made me do it today." Kurt told him as he began cleaning the dishes he used.
"I don't know and I don't care! These are amazing!" Wes exclaimed.
"Thanks." Kurt said softly. He hadn't noticed the small smile on his face, but Wes did.
"Well, I'll get out your way. Most of the guys will be up soon so fair warning, once they smell baked goods, they become 5 year olds." Wes laughed. Kurt nodded his thanks and continued with his baking, relieved that Wes wasn't upset with him for the mess.
The first thing Blaine noticed when he woke up was the fact that Kurt was out of bed. He couldn't help but worry about where Kurt possibly was. He remembered sneaking off when he first arrived at Dalton. It was never good when he did. As he slipped his shirt on, someone knocked on the door.
"Come in." Blaine called out.
"Morning, Blaine." Wes greeted as he walked in. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure." Blaine replied. "You haven't seen Kurt by chance, have you?"
"I have actually. He's in the kitchen baking cookies." Wes told him as he took a seat at Blaine's desk.
"Really?" Blaine asked surprised.
"Mhm." Wes nodded. "I heard him singing and he's incredibly talented. The Warblers could use him."
"I think he could use the Warblers." Blaine replied softly.
"Do you know if he…?"Wes trailed off, knowing that Blaine would know what he meant.
Blaine sighed and shrugged. "Not that he's told me, but I think so. Morrison said his situation was similar to mine but I don't know the extent of it."
"He talks more than you did." Wes pointed out.
"Yeah I know, but he's so sad. I look at him and see a broken boy. I don't think our situations are the same, but I think the end result is." Blaine said thoughtfully.
"Well, the only way we're going to find out is by being his friend. We'll be there for him when he needs us just like we were with you." Wes said confidently. Blaine nodded and agreed. It might take some time, but they would show Kurt that being at Dalton really was a good thing.
After his talk with Wes, Blaine made his way down to the kitchen expecting to find Kurt alone. He was surprised to see that David, Trent, Jeff, and Nick were also there.
"Blaine! You have got to try these cookies! I think I'm in love with him!" David said excitedly.
"You said the same thing about me when I cooked dinner a few nights ago, David." Blaine said laughing.
"Details, details." David replied waving his hand dismissively.
"You cook?" Kurt asked surprised.
"Yeah. I like the aspect of being able to create magic with food." Blaine said smiling charmingly.
"Me too." Kurt replied with the first genuine smile Blaine had seen from him.
"Hey Kurt, can I ask you a personal question?" Trent said from the table.
Kurt's face instantly fell. "I guess."
"Are you gay?" Trent asked. Kurt visibly flinched at the question just as Jeff and David both smacked Trent across the head.
"You don't have to answer that if you don't want to Kurt." Blaine assured him.
"Yeah Kurt, I didn't mean to offend you or anything, I was just curious. It won't matter if you are. Blaine and I both are so I promise it's not a big deal." Trent tried assuring him.
"Yes, I'm gay." Kurt answered just above a whisper. "Excuse me." Kurt quickly ran out of the kitchen and headed straight to his room. He heard Blaine calling after him but he kept going. It was a big deal, despite Trent saying it wasn't. It's always been a big deal and it's always haunted him.
"Get out of my fucking way princess!" Karofsky snarled as he pushed Kurt against the locker.
"I hate you." Kurt said under his breath. He hadn't meant to say it, but it came out and it was too late.
Karofsky doubled back, grabbed him by the collar, and slammed him into the wall.
"What the hell did you just say to me faggot?! You hate me?! I'm not the one infecting people with your fairy dust you homo!" Karofsky lifted his fist and punched him.
Kurt stormed into the room, looking for something, anything to make it stop.
"Kurt?" Blaine walked in the room to find Kurt frantic. "Kurt, are you ok?" Kurt wouldn't answer him. He wouldn't even look at him. He just kept muttering 'Make it stop' as he paced the room. "Make what stop? Kurt, I can't help you if you don't tell me what you need." That caught Kurt's attention.
"You can't help me! No one can! You don't understand! No one does!" Kurt yelled.
"Kurt." Blaine said softly as he took a step forward.
"No! Just stay away!" Kurt said hysterically.
"Kurt, if there's anyone here who understands, it's me." Blaine said, hoping that it would get Kurt's attention.
Kurt looked up at Blaine, curiosity mixed with fear, just as he rolled his sleeves back. His breath hitched and he froze when he saw Blaine's old scars. Blaine slowly walked over to Kurt, making sure that his eyes construed nothing but understanding. He reached for Kurt's arm, relieved that Kurt hadn't flinched, and rolled his sleeves back, revealing both old and new scars.
"I know it's hard, Kurt. I know how it feels to lose control, to feel worthless." Blaine said in a whisper. "But it gets better, I promise."
"How?" Kurt asked, his voice breaking.
"I joined the Warblers. I talked to my friends. I didn't let it eat me alive." Blaine replied, his thumb gently caressing Kurt's scars.
"I don't…I don't think I can." Kurt said, finally looking away.
"Yes, you can." Blaine said softly as he reached up and lifted Kurt's face. "I know you can. I can help you, Kurt. You just have to let me in."
Kurt couldn't hold it in anymore. The sincerity in Blaine's voice combined with Kurt's need to let go was too much for him to handle. He fell on the floor and cried. Blaine held Kurt tightly as Kurt clutched onto him. He sang softly as Kurt's crying turned into a sob and continued to sing until the tears turned into quiet murmurs. Blaine held him there until he finally stopped crying and fell asleep.