*Insert excuse as to why i'm late here* I want to reassure yall that I will post on time next week, but then i'd be lying D: however, I will try my hardest, my very very hardest to post as soon as I can. I'm not saying its going to take like a month, it just might not be on tuesday. Possibly a little later? School is starting back for me and exams are coming. but your reviews just might be the only things keeping me sane. However I must say that this story will be ending soon, perhaps within 2-4 chapters? Thank you for your support and looovely reviews! Thank you for even clicking in this story!
Shout out to SUNFLOWER3759!
Disclaimer: ..fine. they're not mine. but I can sure as hell mess with them.
Ashes, Records, and Window Panes
Chapter 10: Goodies, Gambling, and Guests
-o- Sunday 2:30am –o-
I roll over at the sound of my phone, and briefly peel a post-it off my cheek before answering.
"Isa….Isabella Swan," I finally grumble into my cell phone.
"Bella," Edward's voice enters my ear, "I am so sorry for waking you up."
I yawn, "What…what happened? Is there something wrong? Is Tanya okay?"
"She's fine," he answers, "It's just –this is so wrong of me to ask you, it's not even an emergency really, but I really need help."
"Oh," I sigh before glancing at the clock and realizing the time, "Edward, this better be damn good."
"I know, I know," he mutters.
"So what is it?" I press.
"I really need you to help me file some of my paperwork and shit," Edward groans, "Garrett had a family emergency, and Nessie only works a short span of hours. I would bare the load myself, but I have a surgery in about eight hours that I really need sleep for, and I tried roping another nurse into it, but you're the only other person who knows how I file-"
"Shut up," I interrupt his babbling, "I'll be there in ten minutes."
-o- Sunday 2:50 –o-
"I'll make it up to you," Edward promises as he pulls me into a hug the moment I enter the room. "You don't even know how much you're saving my ass right now."
I glance at the massive piles of folders, towering on his desk, as well as on the floor. Not only that, but there are papers scattered haphazardly, all over his examining table two inches high.
"What the hell happened in here?" I ask before shifting a few files over on the desk. I move aside a few papers to provide space for me to plant my ass.
"I'm taking on some of Jacob's patients," Edward says, "You know, since the baby's coming soon."
"Some? This looks like half, Edward," I roll my eyes.
"It's not as bad as it looks," he says, but the lie is clear on his face.
"You're a good friend," I nod, "But that is going to be hell."
Edward only smiles and shakes his head as he reclines in his roller chair, and gets to work. As we sort through the files a sense of nostalgia takes over me. I remember when he was just beginning his medical career. I would sit cross legged on the examination table while he would roll around the room on the office chair. Classic rock would play softly from his computer, as Edward would sing along, and I would chat about anything that would cross my mind.
"Do you remember when we used to do this?" I voice my thoughts, startling Edward in the process. I can't blame him seeing as we've been working in complete silence for the past hour.
"I was actually just thinking about that," he smiles, "And you would make those snicker doodles for us to munch on."
"For us to much on," I laugh, "You always ate all of them Edward."
His mouth pops open, "You would tell me you had eaten some already!"
I shrug, a blush washing over my face, "I knew how much you liked them."
He chuckles, "I appreciate the sacrifice."
We return to a silence, left to our own musings. Sometimes I hear Edward humming, and enjoy the background music; other times the air conditioning and the sound of shuffling papers is all that fills the room. This carries on until he breaks the silence once more.
"The other night," he begins, "It's not that I didn't want to go to coffee with you."
I freeze, caught off guard by his choice of topic, "No, it's okay. It just confused me…I thought you wanted us to spend time together."
"I do want that," he sighs, "The finalizing of the divorce papers though, that really took a lot out of me. I didn't expect it to hurt that much. Seeing you so soon afterwards was difficult."
"I didn't expect it to hurt so much either," I murmur.
Could Edward possibly be as devastated over the divorce as I am? I suppose a part of me always assumed that since he wanted it in the beginning that he would be perfectly fine with it now. But we all know that assuming never got me anywhere. And I have been guilty of it on more than one occasion. After taking a deep breath and mentally preparing myself for his response, I ask Edward about the one thing I'd avoided since our break up.
"What exactly happened between you and Lauren," I question, "If you're going to tell me –tell me everything. Tell me the truth."
The shock is obvious on his face, even though he tries to conceal it initially. I can practically feel the nervousness entering his body, and that in turn makes me anxious. Truthfully, I don't know what I'm expecting to get as an answer, and I don't know what difference it will make. We're still divorced; and although we're mending, we're still broken.
"That day that you came to the office to surprise me, Lauren had been asking me to speak with her alone," Edward began, "I knew she had ulterior motives, so I turned her down. This wasn't the first time she had come back after I'd ended it. I'd told her that if this didn't stop I would have to fire her. On top of that I was already looking for a way to make sure we never had to see each other at work.
But over time, she became more persistent. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to think it was an issue. I know, that sounds stupid, and it is stupid, but that was my rational. She'd call my work phone, crying and begging me to give her another chance. I couldn't avoid the calls because she was my secretary, but as soon as she'd begin with her antics I'd hang up."
"So why," I butt in, "Why would you go to her place?"
"She called me again," he shakes his head at the memory, "And the desperation in her voice. The way she was going on –I really thought she'd hurt herself Bella. No matter how persistent Lauren was after I'd ended it, the fact of the matter was that I had encouraged the affair to begin with. I couldn't live with knowing that my actions had caused her to hurt herself. I would have told you, but it sounded just as bad to me as it would have to you. I thought that I could deal with it and it'd be over. I wouldn't have to bring up any of that past hurt between us. To me it was all already over."
"But it wasn't over," I argue, "You still slept with her during our therapy, Edward."
His eyes widen, "No," he refuses, "I swear to you I didn't, Bella."
"I asked you," my eyes start to water, a reaction to his lies, "I asked you and you confirmed it."
"You asked me if I'd been with her, and I didn't answer you," he corrected, "I-,"
"Oh my bad," I throw my hands up, "It was so stupid of me to think that my husband wouldn't hesitate to refute sleeping with another woman."
"You're doing it again," Edward stops me, "You're not even letting me talk. I'm trying to tell you, Bella, would you please shut up and listen?"
My mouth snaps shut, realizing that what Edward had said was true. I'm not even giving him the chance to speak…and the more I think about it, I hadn't given him a chance to speak that night either. Had he really answered with silence? Or had I been too angry to let him even open his mouth?
"Do you remember when I missed that therapy session?" he asked me, "How I'd been stuck in surgery?"
"Please don't tell me you were 'doing her' at that time," I say.
"Bella," Edward starts.
"Fine, I'm sorry, yes, I remember," I roll my eyes, "And then I got upset at you, and I wouldn't eat dinner with you. And then you left-."
I stop, realizing what I had just said. It was that night.
"I'd been so angry," Edward continues, seeing that I'm unable to speak. "It was like you weren't there for me all over again. I'm not saying I blame you –but at the time I did. I wanted revenge for it."
"So you did your ex-mistress," I scoff, before receiving his glare, "Okay. That was the last time –go on."
"I didn't sleep with her," he says calmly, "I couldn't. I literally took one step inside her house, kissed her once, and I couldn't do it. Do you want to know why I couldn't do it Bella?"
I nod, my lips refusing to move. Edward is so close that I can feel his emotion, bubbling under the surface of his lips.
"Because all I could think about was the fact that you didn't care," Edward's voice wavers, "You didn't even care if I was off with some other woman. You acknowledged the affair without so much as a flinch; as if it never hurt you. You didn't want me, and that killed me. And sleeping with Lauren wasn't going to fix that."
"You asked me for the divorce," my voice cracks, "You didn't want me."
"I could have never gone through with it," Edward says.
"Then why did you go through with it now?" I ask, completely confused.
"If I had let you go then, we would have been over," he explains, "but now? There's so much possibility for us, Bella. The divorce is what you needed. Even if you don't see it, I know there's a future for us, and I'm willing to start from scratch to get it."
"What if there isn't a future for us? What if this is all there was meant to be?" I rush, as his face gets closer to mine. "What if we can never trust each other again?"
"What if there is a future?" He counters, "What if there is so much more that is meant to be? What if we learn to really trust each other?"
"What if we mess up?" I murmur, "It's like we're gambling. It's fifty-fifty."
"Well then," he says as he presses his mouth to mine, "There's no one else I'd rather take that gamble with."
-o- Wednesday 5:15 pm –o-
"Let me get this straight," Jake says as he sets his feet on my coffee table, "You two are dating…"
"No," I correct him, swatting his feet off of the glass, "We're just friends."
"Forever?" he flicks his hair girlishly, "Like bff's?"
"How the hell did you even get in here," I crow, "and why are you here?"
"Tanya's spending time with Esme, and Edward's in a meeting," he shrugs.
"So I'm the last choice," I roll my eyes.
"Come on Bells, we haven't hung out in ages," Jake elbows my side, "Lighten up."
"I still don't know how you got in here," I raise a brow.
"Tanya's spares," he waves them in front of my face, and pockets them before I can snatch them back, "So are we going to talk or what?"
"Eh, maybe," I shrug as I kick my feet onto his lap, "I've kind of missed you."
"Good," he laughs before knuckling the top of my head, "I wanted to do this before, you know, the baby comes and my life is in its quarter-sized hand."
"Are you scared?" I ask.
"Shitless," he admits, "I know almost every guy worries about this before he becomes one, but how do I even know if I'm being a good father? What if the baby cries and I have no idea what to do?"
"You'll know," I tell him, "I mean, I never got to care for Addie as a newborn-,"
"Shit, Bella, I'm sorry," his face crumples in remorse, "I didn't even think about loading this on you."
"No," I shake my head, "Honestly, it's okay. No, it never is easy to talk about her or other babies, but it's a part of me. I never regret her existence."
Jake picks up my hand, "Thank you, for helping Tanya the other night."
"Jake you worry about whether you'll be a good father, but I don't think you're seeing yourself clearly," I smile, "If I could capture your face when you saw the ultrasound after the incident; you'd see. The amount of love and…and purpose you showed –you're not becoming a father, you already are one."
He presses a kiss to my temple, "You don't know how much that means to me to hear you say that. Thank you."
I smile, squeezing his hand, "You and Tanya have done so much for me –for us. You don't have anything to thank me for."
"Bella," he starts, "There's actually one thing I wanted to ask you. We'd asked Edward already, but we asked him not to tell you."
"Go ahead," I prompt, slightly confused. We'd already agreed to be the baby's godparents, so what else is there to ask?
"Tanya and I," he continues, "If it's a girl, we'd like to make Addie her middle name."
The air leaves me in one breath. Inside I'm conflicted; would I be able to handle what Jacob has suggested, knowing that just speaking her name causes my heart to still? That their child would have her name… that a part of Addie will live on in my god child. Suddenly I remember that they'd asked Edward already. Had he been okay with it?
"What did Edward say?" I ask.
"No, this isn't about Edward," Jake shakes his head, "What do you want, Bella?"
I nod my head as I bring him in my arms, "I'd love it if you used her name."
I could feel his breath release as his body deflates in my arms, "Well we'd be honored," I could hear the smile in his voice, "Just so you know? Edward loved it too."
And just like that, my previous confliction vanished. I'd said to Jake earlier that it's so hard for me to even say Addie's name. But with this development I think that maybe, with time, it will become easier.
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