Disclaimer: Yes, I own Naruto. And my pet weasel is the Rikudou Sennin...oh wait, I don't have a pet weasel.
Author's Note: This fic was partially inspired by Rael Orion's Kami no Shinobi. Expect semi-serious crack! Time travel, AU.
It's Rikudou Hiraishin to You
"Hey, Rikudou Sennin?"
"What? And didn't I tell you not to call me that, Uzumaki. We're both equals here."
"Yeah, yeah, but I keep forgetting your real name, even after like, an eternity of being stuck in this place with you. But anyways, I was just thinking; watching over the lower planes of existence is starting to get pretty old. I'm just bored of it all."
"Yeah, and…? Where are you going with all this?"
"Why don't we take a break and mess around with the timeline!"
"No," was the Sage's flat, deadpan reply.
"Aww, come on! You know as well as I do that time travel doesn't do a damn thing to the original reality; all this crap about alternate timelines and what not."
"I said no. And besides, what would you do anyways?"
"That's easy; first I'm gonna mess around with my dad's life for shits and giggles, starting with the Kyuubi attack on Konoha. Then I'll find that masked dude who started the Fourth Shinobi World War and kick his ass!" said the Sage's companions with childlike enthusiasm.
"Sometimes, Uzumaki, I forget that you're a transcendent, godlike entity who's just as powerful as me."
Ignoring the Sage's comment, his companion continued with his rant, "And maybe after that, I could teach the mortals a little thing or two to spice things up, and then give some random schmuck the Rinnegan. Hey, if we're lucky, he or she might even unlock the Tengoku and master all Six Paths and then we'll have someone new to talk to. It'll be so cool!"
Giving the metaphysical equivalent of a sigh, the Rikudou Sennin replied, "Fine, fine, I can see that I'm not going to be able to convince you either way. Just leave me out of it; unlike you I'm perfectly content with watching over the lower paths. Just make sure you don't mess up anything really important."
"Roger that, don't worry about a thing Rikudou Sennin. After all, I am the Rikudou Hiraishin."
"So you noticed me already," said Namikaze Minato, the Yondaime Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato, as he watched the summoned Kyuubi no Kitsune rampage through his beloved village. The Nine-Tailed Fox was being controlled by the Sharingan of a masked man claiming to be Uchiha Madara; the same man who had interrupted the birth of his son, Naruto, and extracted the demon beast from his wife's seal.
Seeing the beginnings of a bijudama forming in the Kyuubi's maw, Minato called out, "Not on my watch!" before forming a set of hand seals faster than a normal human eye could track. Oblivious to this, the mindless demon fired its fully formed bijudama at the Hokage Monument where Minato was standing. Any moment now, the massive energy blast would impact and vaporize both the Fourth Hokage and all of Konoha.
Fortunately, the blast never hit home, and instead disappeared harmlessly through a space-time barrier created by the Yondaime. "Gotta pick a safe place to let the huge blast detonate," said Minato after summoning a special Hiraishin kunai with a poof of ninja smoke. In the background, a supernova of white light could be seen where the other end of the jikukan kekkei was located.
"It stopped the Nine-Tails' attack…that was a space-time barrier technique!" exclaimed Akimichi Chouza, who had seen the failed bijudama attack along with his two teammates, Nara Shikaku and Yamanaka Inoichi.
After Minato successfully diverted the Kyuubi's most powerful attack, it left the crimson fox opened for the rest of Konoha's shinobi, led by the retired Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, to take the fight to the beast itself.
"Rasengan!" exclaimed Konoha's Kiiroi Senko as he slammed the aforementioned sphere of spiraling chakra into Madara Uchiha's back. He had just won a battle of speed and space-time with the mask man, who had attacked him after he diverted the Nine-Tails bijudama. The energy released from the rasengan impact kicked up copious amounts of dust and left a large crater in the ground.
Shockingly, the Sharingan user had survive the attack and jumped away from Minato as soon as possible, oblivious to the Hiraishin seal tag left on his back. He was badly wounded and clutched his arm in pain. Before he could react or even say a word, the blond-haired speedster had teleported in front of him and stabbed him in the gut with his three-pronged kunai.
"Ghk-…the Flying Thunder God technique, he must've put that marking somewhere on my body!"
As quick as lightning, Minato placed his contract breaking seal on Madara, freeing the Nine-Tails from his control.
"A contract seal! Are you trying to…pull the Kyuubi from my control?" asked Madara in panic.
"No, I already did! He's no longer your weapon!" replied Minato.
Back in the village, a massive explosion resonated throughout the Hidden Leaf as the Kyuubi was forcibly knocked out of Konoha's walls by its shinobi guardians.
"We've driven it out of the village," exclaimed the Sandaime, "Don't stop setting traps."
At the command of the retired village leader, Leaf ninja continued attacking the rampaging fox, putting in a valiant effort to protect their home.
'Where is Minato,' thought Hiruzen to himself in worry.
"You deserve the title of Fourth Hokage…managing to wound me and wrest the fox from my control in one move," said Uchiha Madara, "But someday, it will be mine again."
Minato watched as a swirl of warped space-time began forming around the masked man. As the swirling vortex grew larger, Madara's form faded more and more into nothingness as he warped himself into the dimension within his Sharingan eye.
"The fox and this whole world will bow to my will. Many doors are still left open to me." And with that, Madara Uchiha was gone.
Reflecting on his battle and the words left behind by the Uchiha ancestor, Minato said, "Something tells me he wasn't lying." Quickly remembering the situation his village was in, Minato immediately used his signature Hiraishin no jutsu to teleport back to Konoha in a yellow flash.
"This is awful," said Minato, commenting on the destruction wrought by the monstrous kitsune during his absence. He had returned to find the village a smoking wreck; countless buildings were crushed, massive craters had been gouged into the Earth, and many lives had been taken by the rampaging Kyuubi.
The Nine-Tailed Fox had finally gathered enough chakra to fire another bijudama, which was slowly forming in its mouth. Noticing this, Minato quickly performed the Food Cart Destroyer Technique, summoning Gamabunta directly on top of the fox and halting its attack temporarily.
"Its' the Fourth!" exclaimed a nameless shinobi.
Thinking back on his battle with Madara and what the masked shinobi had said upon leaving, Minato quietly muttered to himself, "Sorry, Kushina," before mustering enough chakra to teleport both himself and the Nine-Tails, leaving Gamabunta behind.
"Minato…did he teleport himself and the Kyuubi away?" asked Sarutobi in the aftermath. Suddenly, another supernova of light appeared in the distance; a result of the detonation of the Kyuubi's second bijudama. "He's out there!" exclaimed the old Hokage, pointing in the direction of the blast.
Tears started to form in Minato's eyes as his beloved wife Kushina told him her plan to pull the Nine-Tails back inside of her and die so that the fox would disappear temporarily. Looking up at the Kyuubi, which was held down by Kushina's powerful chakra chains, a new, fiery resolve ignited in Minato's heart. He refused to let Kushina die!
At least, not alone.
Cradling his barely an hour old baby in his arms, Minato spoke, "Kushina, you don't need to take the fox down with you. We can use our last bits of chakra to see Naruto one more time!"
"Huh…?" responded Kushina, dumbfounded. She was sweating all over from the strain of holding down the Kyuubi and the pain of its earlier extraction. Dark black bags were forming under her eyes and she was bleeding from the mouth.
"I'll seal the last of your chakra in Naruto with a hakke fuin. Then I'll seal the Nine-Tails away…with the Dead Demon Consuming Seal!"
Kushina looked at him like he was a maniac, "But then, the user will be…"
Interrupting her exclamations, Minato explained, "I'll only be able to seal half of the Kyuubi's power, it's just too much to seal away completely."
Kushina could see where this was going and began leaking more tears from her eyes as her husband continued, "I can't let the Nine-Tails be sealed without a jinchuuriki, or else the balance of the tailed beasts will be destroyed. But with the Shiki fuin, I can permanently seal half of the fox's chakra along with myself."
"And the remaining half?" asked Kushina, although she already knew the answer to her own question.
"I'll seal the remaining half inside Naruto with the Eight Trigrams Seal!"
"Now, now, Minato-chan. There's no need to go that far tonight," chimed in another voice. Turning around in the direction of the sound, Minato and Kushina beheld a mysterious figure cloaked in pure white, with the only discernible facial features being familiar looking, blonde hair hiding underneath the shadow of his hood.
A.N. And there's the prologue for you. For all of you fans of my other story, Moral Event Horizons, I haven't abandoned it. I've just been really, really busy with my senior year for the last few months or so. But as soon as my beta finishes proofreading my next chapter, it'll be out in a flash!
As for this story, it's really more of something I'm writing on a whim, and won't be completely serious all the time, but it can be in some places. Oh, and just try to guess who's under the hood, hehe.
Edit: I've finally decide to take the time to edit parts of my story! The things I'll be changing include formating and the use of italics in earlier chapters to fit later ones, adding chapter titles, and naming pattrn(the Japanese surname-first, and given name-last instead of the Western given name-first, surname-last). I'll also be adjusting parts of the orginal mythos for my story to better fit with new information revealed in canon.