The Doubt In Her Heart
Hey everyone! This is my first Mass Effect fic :D
I LOVE the Mass Effect games and i CANT WAIT UNTIL MASS EFFECT 3 0.0
So to curb my impatience-ness (not a word, i know) I wrote this!
Sitting at her desk, Shepard was reading some last minuet emails at her terminal, a thank you letter here, some junk mail there. It was kind of pointless, only a few hours away from the omega four relay, and possibly her death. But it was something to keep her wandering mind at bay, there wasn't much to do. It was quiet in her cabin, only the sound of the bubbles in her empty aquarium and the very subtle breathing of her space hamster, Steve. Glancing around, Shepard's eye landed upon the lone picture frame that had been placed down. Taking a breath, Shepard reached tentatively for the frame, slowly picking it up, revealing the awkward smile of Kaidan Alenko. A look of pain crossed her face and it looked as though she was trying to gaze into his eyes. Suddenly hearing the familiar ping of her door, Shepard turned to face the visitor. Standing only a few feet away was Thane, his dark eyes gazing at her, his posture alert.
"Thane?" Shepard questioned in a hushed tone, still clutching the frame.
"Siha," Thane breathed, a small smile gracing his lips, taking a few steps closer to Shepard. Thane's demeanor tensed when he spotted the photo in Shepard's hands. Following his line of sight, Shepard realized what he was staring at. Licking her lips Shepard straightened her posture in the chair.
"I guess we've both loved, and lost…" Shepard murmured gazing once again at the picture. Moving silently next to Shepard, Thane studied the man in the frame.
"Who was he?" Thane questioned, returning his ink black eyes to Shepard's grey ones.
"His name is Kaidan Alenko," Shepard began, standing up from her chair. She placed the frame back on the desk and moved towards the empty aquarium. "You have probably have heard of him from crew gossip." Shepard hissed under her breath.
"Horizon?" Thane questioned, looking back at the photo once more.
"Yes, Horizon!" Shepard said exasperated, rubbing her temples in a circular motion. "Illusive Man found out that the planet would be the next colony to get hit, and it just happened to have one of my former crew." Taking a deep breath Shepard turned to Thane, rage evident in her features. She began an angry rant while pacing back and forth.
"So we go down there after arriving too late, and encounter these hideous bug, crab things! After fighting through hell, not being able to save the colonists, and being ringed out by some random guy that was hiding the whole time… HE appears." Shepard roughly pointed at the photo, to emphasize the point. Stopping abruptly, Shepard turned to Thane, a bitter sweet smile appeared that made Thanes heart ache. "I almost couldn't believe it, he was spared, the collectors didn't get him! We embraced, and it was truly him… I could smell the subtle scent of his cologne under all the sweat and blood." Shepard shut her eyes tightly, as if trying to forget the pain the memory came with. "And then he called me a traitor, said I betrayed him, the Alliance, everybody! He tore out my heart and stomped it flat." Shepard gazed down at her feet, not moving a muscle. Thane felt a sudden bitterness coarse through him, as he felt suddenly resentful towards this man.
"He sent me an email some time ago; I guess he thought that it would help things. But it only made me so much more confused." Thane quickly moved over to Shepard and pulled her into a tight hug, massaging the base of her skull with his strong hands. Shepard relaxed into his grip, breathing in his smooth scent.
"I am here for you, whatever you need. I care for you…" Clasping her tighter, Thane took a deep breath. "Siha… I love-"
"No! Don't say it!" Shepard quickly threw herself away from Thanes grasp, panting heavily. Confusion was laced in his eyes as he stared at Shepard.
"Siha?" Thane tentatively asked, clenching his hands to drive the fear that was welling in his gut.
"I'm sorry…" Shepard whispered, locking her gaze with his. "But I can't go through with this. Not with this doubt in my heart." It was Thanes turn to break eye contact, looking at anything but Shepard. "This wasn't the way I wanted this to end but, I… I still love him Thane." A lone tear rolled down Shepard's cheek, and Thane felt such agony, for he could not kiss away the tears and pain his Siha held deep within her heart. It seems like another man was destined to do that, but is it meant to be if the same man is the one to cause such sorrow?
"One hour until we reach the Omega four relay Shepard." EDI's voice rang through Shepard's cabin, breaking the painful silence. Thane steeled himself and gazed at Shepard once more.
"Shepard. We made no vows to each other. We are both unbound. I have no wish to be a burden to you. If it is your wish, I will turn aside." Shepard's breath hitched in her throat at the coldness in his tone.
"It is my wish." Shepard whispered eyes full of pain, regret and sorrow.
"I understand." Thane turned to leave quickly but Shepard called out once more.
"If there was even a chance that Irakah was alive, wouldn't you take it? Wouldn't you wait till the ends of the earth?" Thane's steps only faltered for a moment before he glanced over his shoulder.
"Is it worth the wait? All that pain…?" Thane muttered before the door closed behind him. Stepping into the elevator, Thane waited for the doors to slide closed before he let the tears flow freely down his cheeks. And it was at that moment that Thane made a promise to himself. I don't plan on dying until the reapers are destroyed, and the galaxy is safe. If this man breaks Shepard's heart again, I will have one more death upon my conscience.
Hope you liked it! This was my first attempt at a sad fic, so tell me if its good :D
I really like Kaidan, but i always have a soft spot for Thane T.T Mass Effect 3 is going to kill when i have to pick between the two...