Disclaimer*** I don't own Starship or any of the characters… otherwise Taz and Up would have been together by now.

I sat at my window, staring out into the rain, mourning for everything I lost. My mother, my father, my sisters, my old friends, and that poor dumb Science officer February. Finally she got a shot at love and now Bug's well… a bug. I can't help but let a tear silently slide down my cheek. Suddenly a knock at my compartment's door startles me.

"Go away", I mutter at the door.

"Taz…" Of course, it had to be Up… the one person I put on a brave face for. Ever since we met he's never seen me shed a single tear. Plus I'm still a little pissed at him for that episode last week on bug world. He came in anyway, of course.

"Up, go away", I say, but my voice breaks at the end. He comes over and sits at the edge of my bunk.

"Taz, I'm sorry O.K. I shouldn't have gone soft, I should have left that robot to die, I'm sorry."

Obviously he doesn't get it, obviously he doesn't remember. Today of all days is the day that 7 years ago I lost everything. The day of my quinceañera, the day I turned 15. It started out so perfect and ended so terribly. He doesn't understand that I'm not mad at him, I'm mad at the robots, at the world really.

"Up, how do jou handle it?"

"What do you mean Taz?" he sounds honestly confused, and very concerned.

"Losing everything, everyone jou love. Everyone that loves jou, I don't think I can take it. Every year I think I'm over it, I don't think about them as much, then my birthday comes and I lose it."

Pain, anger, humiliation, realization, all flash across his face. Then he crosses over to the ledge where I sit, tears now threatening to spill from my eyes. I blink rapidly trying to get them to go away, but it's no use, one slides down and the rest follow.

"Taz, I didn't realize…" he says while gently wrapping his arms around me. That's when I break; I turn my face into his chest and sob. And he just stays there; telling me it will be alright, holding me, never flinching away at my outburst.

After what seems like hours, I finally seem to have cried myself out. I immediately hide my face, too embarrassed to meet his gaze.

"Taz, look at me." Up gently lifts my chin with his finger. I try to advert my eyes, but finally I can't help it, his sparkling blue eyes meet my chocolate brown.

"Jou tell anyone about this, and I'll have to kill jou" I say giving a shaky laugh. I don't know what came over me but I suddenly reach up and press my lips gently against his. He seems surprised, but doesn't pull away. He wraps one hand around the small of my back and I wrap my arms around his neck.

"Now I'll really have to kill jou" I say as I pull away. He laughs and kisses me again, this time a little more forcefully. We stay like that for a while, as it slowly goes dark in my room.

"I should probably get back, the rest of the squads probably wondering where I went." He says reluctantly, and I can't help but get a disappointed look on my face.

"Screw them" I mumble as I kiss him again.

"Screw them", he mumbles in agreement. We stay locked together for a bit when that stupid science officer February walks in.

"OMDG! I'm so sorry Taz! Wait a second, Up?"

"February, get out of here right now or I will personally rip your stupid face off!" I yell at her

She leaves immediately with me muttering in Spanish about every single curse word I can think of. Up is just staring at the door, no doubt thinking of all the hell we're gonna pay tomorrow. Then we look at each other and burst out laughing, remembering the look on February's face. Once we were able to stop laughing we started talking. About anything and everything, from Bug to Krayonder to Bug's little friend Roach. When we got to my birthday, instead of me avoiding it I finally come clean. I tell Up everything, from the weeks of preparation to the day of. My sisters doing my hair and makeup, to my best friend giving me the bandana that I now wear in my hair. I tell him about how I went outside to my party and saw my mother, my father, my sisters, and all of my friends, getting blown up by those stupid ass robots. Then to me being tied up in that tree with the robots all around. Finally I told him how I felt when I first saw his sparkling blue eyes through the haze of pain I felt. How they held my gaze and never left until I was safe in the medical ward. Even then how my day would brighten when he would come and visit me.

About half way through my story the tears came again and this time, I didn't try to stop them. Once again he just held me and comforted me and kissed the top of my head. Even when I was done talking I couldn't stop the tears. Vaguely I thought how weak I was being tonight, but I just had to let it out. All 7 years of pain and anger just came out in a wave of tears. Even once the tears stopped my body just kept shaking with dry sobs. Considering that it was getting really late in the night I wasn't surprised when Up gently carried me over to my bunk. I must have been half asleep though, because it all seemed really hazy. I remember him laying me down under my sheets and kissing my forehead. I saw him turning to leave and remember half whimpering, half begging for him to stay. I saw him sigh and lay down on the couch pushed up on the wall adjacent to my bed. The last memory I have before I went to sleep was his blue eyes holding my gaze.

I dreamt an actual dream for the first time in 7 years, not a nightmare a dream. In my dream it was me and Up, back on earth leading a normal life. The robot wars were over and my family was there with us, when I realized that I had brought Up back to meet them. In my dream we all had a great time, laughing, dancing, eating cake and celebrating the 7 birthdays I'd had since I'd seen them.

Sometime during the night I must have woke up and started mumbling something because when I woke up in the morning, there was Up, right by my side, where I finally allowed myself to realize that's where he belonged.

Better? I think so. Leave me a review please, telling me which version you like better.