Luna was alone in her bedroom as usual when all the sudden she heard a few sharp raps on the door. Deciding it was probably someone coming to annoy her with some new petition she hesitated a mere moment before she opened the door slowly. Revealing her sister, who then roughly grabbed her in her telikinetic aura and dragged her out of her room.
She was then drug down the hallway like some misbehaved child brought into punishment. Nopony had the guts to laugh at this obscene spectactle save one obnoxious aristocrat. A blonde maned unicorn with a golden compass cutie mark, Luna made a quick mental note to figure out his name and do something to make sure he paid for this small act.
Luna was drug throughout the castle until suddenly she was thrust into a dark room and she heard a chair being set up for her to sit upon.
She fumbled around for a bit before finding the chair and shakily setting upon it. After waiting a few seconds the lights blared on and revealed she was sitting in a room filled with people. A quick glance around revealed a flashing sign with neon bulbs proclaiming her to be on the set of "Mystery date 5000".
She saw a few wooden barriers she supposed held her possible dates and a podum behind which sat her sister. Who proceeded to smile conceitedly as she announced the game's start.
"GOOOOOD EVEEEENING EH-QUES-TREE-ANS!" she shouted into the mic, nearly deafening her sister in the process. "TONIGHTS GUEST IS NONE OTHER THEN PRRRRRRRRRRRRINCESSS LUNAAAA!" Celestia continued screaming, Luna was sure she was deaf by now...
"And tonight she's going to get a date!" Luna's eyes widened as baloons and confetti fall down by the bundles fron hidden places in the rafters.
"You're kidding, you're kidding right?" asked luna
Her sister smirked knowingly before announcer her 3 possible dates for the evening.
"Spinster-" A voice shouted a noise at being indignified in such a way, she was promptly ignored, "NUMBER 1! A lonely bookworm, she spends her nights alone crying into her pillow! Trust me i know!"
The voice of 'spinster number 1' shouted from beyond her barrier "HEY that only happened once or twice! I've moved up to binge eating for my depression!"
She was, yet again ignored. "SPINSTER NUMBER TWOOOOOO!" She roared, "Is a shy reclusive vet! Her hobbies are vetinary medicine and dragging ponies into her mysterious shed, from which they promptly come out of with a pet they left in her care"
The audiance all D'awwwwws at this information and everpony knew behind barrier two, 'spinster two' was blushing furiously.
"And then we have bacheror number three, he's nothing special, just a jock from Fillydelphia who know how to play guitar, no biggie!"
"WAIT GO OVER BACHELOR THREE AGAI-" Luna shouted only to be cut off by the roar of the crowd.
"Okay Luna youre question for spinster number one, you're question please?" Celestia asked.
"Uhmmmm...i'm not into mares..." Luna grumbled, but she assumed if she played along she'd get out of here faster. "But... date number one, if we went to any resteraunt for a date, what would it be?"
Date, or rather 'spinster' number one contemplated this quickly, "somewhere dignified but without being a total bank-" She was cut off as Luna shouted,
"YEAH, YEAH, Date number three how about you?"
The hidden stallion suddenly responded in a suave voice, "My dear why would we need to g to dinner? I can just drink in youre beautific face for hours,
thats all I need to live" The crows went wild for what was obviously an attempt to smoothe talk his way out of a question he couldn't answer.
"OKAY" shouted Celestia, "TIME FOR LUNA TO VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTE!"
Behind barrier number two 'spinster' number two quiety said "uhmmm...i didn't get a question...uhmm...i'd like...one...ya know...if thats...okay with you" the demure voice quietly whispered.
She was, as was becoming a trend here, ignored.
"NOW WE DO IT DIFFERENTLY HERE, WE, THE AUDIANCE, VOTE ON WHO SHE DATES!"
"Whoah...wait...WHAT!" shouted Luna.
Suddenly the lights dimmed as three spotlights circled around the stage in a flashy display that was undoubtedlyy needless. Before Celestia pulled down a giant score board which displayed three boxes, one for each contestant. The numbers on them didn't move however as nopony was stupid enough to vote their co-rulers hand off to a date for the evening.
Suddenly a loud roar was heard as in through the wall burst the unicorn noble from earlier who had laughed at Luna. He looked form her sister to her before raising the gun he convientely had hidden in his mane for such occasions and aiming at Celestia.
Celestia suddenly summoned a bazoora which she filled with ammo. Luna could onyl stare. However they all suddenly froze when over the loudspeakers blared a horriable rendition of a popular song by local monstrosity, Rebbeca tack, singing "friday" her only song out yet (thank god) which forceed everpony to cover theirs ears and scream in pain as the horrid sound pierced their eardrums like a swarm of angr hornets.
Suddenly the singing stopped and the corpse of Rebecca tack splttered on the ground, however she didn't bleed blood, instead she oozed darkness. This obviously proved she was a dmeon spawn sent here from hell to kill us all with her twistedly awful voice. The body of the person responsible for this mercy killing (for us \
not for her) appeared at the top of the rafters. He proceeded to glide down using his rather fashionable cloak and LUna manageed to glimpse his quickly. He had slicked back hair and a mask covering half of his face, as well as a rather dapper hat.
As he alighted he whipped out two uzis, which he then pointed at both the unicor noble and the princess. Who both proceeded to pull out guns worthy to complete this standoff. The stage and audiance stood still as these three had what i believe is known as a "Manexican Standoff", a tumbleweed rolled through the room mysteriously.
Tension mounted as the three eyed down their respective scopes, ready to fire at the slightest twitch of the other. Yes truly tention as mounting in a high-stakes game these three were playing. One could almost cut it with a kinfe.
Sweat dripped down their heads as they stood frozen in detirmination to win this duel. It was quiet enough to hear a pin drop in this room, yes, truly this was a show for the ages-
"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD SHOOT ALREADY AND STOP STALLING CALMFACADE!" Shouted a pink pony with curly hair from the audiance. The three then proceeded to shoot the offending pony, but, since she's freakin'g pink the bullets phased through here. I mean c'mon, she's freaking pink! She obviously has world altering 4th wall powers!
After they tired of shooting an intangible pink physics-defyer the got back to their standoff.
Suddenly Jack Thompsons showed up, and began to preach about how obviously this standoff was brought on by games like "COD and MW3", needless to say he was instantly shot by a unknown member of the audiance.
Luna was still frozen in place when the barriers lowered and revealed twilight sparkle and fluttershy to be 'spinsters' numbers one and two. They just stood beside Luna and shook their heads slowly, unaware of how things even go to this posositon.
Finally Celestia took the first shot, and managed to hit blueblood dead temple. he proceeded to lay on the ground, convulsing slowly as the blood dripped from his skull. However she was too slow to stop a bullet from the suave killer of Rebecca Tack, who managed to clip her leg, probably injuring her permantely. She retailiated wit a swift headshot, before collapsing into a heap. Slowly she crawled over to Luna.
Luna just pulled out a medi-gun and left Twilight sparkle to it, she knew she wouldn't leave her mentor hanging. As she walked into the crowds outside the studio she was mobbed by a bunch of nerds wearing T-shirts claiming them to be...'Bronies'?
She was quickly mobbed by said group, all of whom claimed that she was their 'Waifu'. In the end of the frenzy all that was left of her was a broken pulp, whom was then rushed to the hospital for sever trauma.
"AND THATS HOW EQUESTRIA WAS MADE!"
shouted the pink pony from the audiance, suddenl standing in the middle of the town as that entire story was revealed to be a flashback.
"but...we asked for a story on how Dash got her cutie mark..." stated a chicken who had painted himself orange in hopes of fitting in.
"Silly billies i got my cutie mark for telling a story!" Smiled the pink pony.
"but...but...you're cutie mark is baloon-" exclaimed sweetie bell before stopping and seeing the piece of paper with a crudely drawn book written on it in pen taped over he usual cutie mark.
They all gawked at this before running away as quick as their legs, and scooter would take them.
WHATS THIS INSANITY MOAR UPDATES!
Yeah , so i was bored and decided to alleviate it one of the few ways i tend to do it, writing horrid fiction that should get me sent to the loony bin!
And what did you truthfully expect, i was listening to music that literally has the word "insanity" in it's title. Besides it's not like i have some dark tale of angst as a sister returns from an exile to find herself forgotten and abandoned that im writing to return to. Internet you so silly!