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A knock at Kate's door interrupts her calming meditation,she almost knock over an incense candle on her way to the opens the door to an unwelcome face but not out of the ordinary as he usually showed up at irrelevant times.
Castle: 'you left the precinct'
'God Castle you could have called first I was meditating,hold on I think I left my heart somewhere over there'
Kate was even edgier than usual,it worried Castle because even when they had an argument she always greeted him at the door,not open with an angry statement.
He followed her to the middle of the living room where she began to blow out candles and with each passing flame,Kate's ease also extinguished.
Kate: 'I thought you left with agent Beals?'
Castle: 'I just walked her to her car,that was it,the boys grilled me for an hour for information on the case until in the end I ended up buying them dinner as a consolation' he ponders a bit and then adds 'I would have invited Captain Gates too but she was too busy sharpening her scythe'
At this Castle chuckled at his own joke while Kate glared impatiently.
But within seconds he had become serious as indicated by his nervous cough.
'Listen Kate I feel like there has been an atmosphere between us all day and I don't like it,it makes me uncomfortable,I think that you want to ask me something and I need you to do that now'
Looking into Castle's pleading yet stern eyes she had to make him hurt like she hurt,
'why haven't you moved on already?' this question caught Castle completely off guard but knowing Kate all too well- and because he had spent all night haunted by the same question along with is she different?- he understood it.
'I mean you have a C.I.A agent and a cop based character why not add an F.B.I agent to the list?'
At this however Castle reacted instinctively albeit compulsively in a way he never has before,grabbing her by the shoulders.
'you have to know,you are more important to me than a character,even the character I have created the words I have written the stories I have imagined don't do you justice'
Kate's blood rages in her veins from his touch,she has never seen such a display of passion or intention from Castle and yet there is a hint of innocence in his words.
Never before have they encountered such an intense moment even in his books,its as if her positive charge cancels out his negative charge but they are definite electric charges as Castle's hand causes all the hairs on Kate's arm to stand up,like the time he had carressed her hand in a scene straight out of a fairytale book.
And then she asks another question breaking the tranquility,raw still from the outburst
'you never actually told me what was your relationship with agent Beals?'
They drifted to the sofa as he started
'back then even as an agent minus the special part,Jennifer was cnstantly scheduled for every hour of every thanks to the Castle charm (critical glare from Beckett) well she agreed to one hour on a specific day for a whole year to give me the bare essentials of a day in the life'
Kate: (pondering the implications of this) 'so you never actually shadowed her?'
'Kate,why do you think we were both blindfolded going into that C.I.A building?'
'I was just a rookie writer and she was just a C.I.A agent,nothing special about it so I couldn't really complain,it was a great opportunity,a career boost I suppose'
Castle sat somewhat restlessly while Kate sat facing hurt to talk about past relationships with Kate,like he was betraying smiled inwardly at his deep frown and her heart began to defrost again.
'She never really let me get as involved as you do,you guys are like a second family to me'
Kate had to laugh at this as as Esposito and Ryan sometimes referred to them both as 'mom and dad'.
'she was strict and diligent not sassy and compassionate as you'
'what you mean is she never let you play with her cool toys because she feared you might taser a foreign diplomat?'
They both laughed at this and there was a pause much like in L.A where he smiled wholeheartedly and selfishly into her eyes like he was physically lost in them,and Kate realised that this smile was much warmer and bigger than the one he gave agent Beals earlier suddenly Castle took Kates hand and addressed the last lingering question that was burdening them.
In that unique husky voice only Castle could do he said
'It was nothing,meaningless to what I have now with you,our partnership is integral to me not just my work,I see you as a central part of me Kate I only realised that when I met you I was an idle and restless person but now I'm a man,a grown up with meaning and self worth and to you I owe my education-why are you staring at my lips?'
the light banter was back but Castle's words did reach her,all she could think was one thing though and Castle read it on her face-
'no Kate Im not saying it'
'for me please'
after a seconds hesitation Castle admitted defeat.
'nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile and you use it only for me…'