One-shot. Or I hope it is, I could do a sequel... idk. This is post series, and yes, it does follow with the plot line of GG5, although there aren't any glaring spoilers. If you haven't read it yet, your obviously in the wrong place and you should go read it. This isn't a song fic, its song inspired. The song is I'm not over you (ah duh) by Gavin Degraw. Read on my lovelies!
If You Ask Me How I'm Doin I Would Say I'm Doin Just Fine
I Would Lie And Say That You're Not On My Mind
Zach Andrew Goode POV
We were supposed to last forever.
We were perfect for each other, soul mates. We had been through hell and back. We had seen things neither one of us had ever wanted to see. We watched people die right in front of us, because of us. We had lost nearly everything, but we survived. But, we had also grown up, aged. We grew wiser. I am not the sixteen year old boy I was when we first met. I no longer think of her as a fifteen year old girl, the innocent, honest, beautiful young girl she was when we met.
After we escaped, we meaning the small group of us that came out alive, everything changed. I no longer saw her as that pretty face that I was fixated with. I saw the faces of my friends in her, the faces we couldn't save. Liz, Grant, Jonas, Macey, Eva, Tina... The list goes on and on. Agent Townsend, Abby, Cammie's parents... they all are gone because of what we started, and finally ended. But not all is lost, my mother is dead, but I did not mourn the way Cam did when her mother died.
After the Circle of Cavan was good and done with, things between us were tense. I guess when you go through something that traumatizing, somethings bound snap. Something between us snapped. While fighting for your life, you don't really have time to think about a relationship. Sure, I love Cammie, I would give my life for her. I almost did have to give up my life for her. But I didn't think we could work.
The following few weeks after we took down the CoC, it hurt every time I looked at her. Her eyes reminded me of Liz, the innocentness and sweetness that ended so suddenly. Her mannerisms reminded me of her classmates, her sisters. They all had the same way they carried themselves, the prideful posture that never wavered, even in the very end. In rare glimpses of happiness, the way her eyes sparkled and her skin glowed, reminded me of Grant, the closest thing I had to a brother. The way he would just crack and joke and a smile that lit up the whole room. And in times of determination, I saw Macey, that solemn mask she grew to wear more and more as we struggled to take down the circle. Jonas, the guy I never really knew until he helped me save Cam, and I tried so hard to keep behind the scenes and safe. I saw him when Cammie looks the most vulnerable, the face she wears is the same as the one I saw on Jonas' face when he found Liz's broken body.
The only time I feel like I see the true Cammie, and not all these twisted, morphed faces of our fallen friends, is when she is sleeping. Not that I see her sleeping all the time, but the few times that I had seen her doze off in the library, or while she was in that cold hospital room. She looked so innocent, so peaceful, so at rest. Once she woke up and saw me gazing at her, she lookedlike a normal teenager should, content and at ease. After a second, it was like all the events of the past few years came crashing down to her, and she looked tired. But for that split second, that blink-or-you-would-have-missed-it moment, I can see the old Cammie. The carefree spirit with those teasing eyes that mesmerized me. We were transported back in time, back to when everything was just a game, and I couldn't get enough of her. Before, when I thought someday she would be mine, and the Circle couldn't do anything about it. When I still believed that we had a future.
But after that millisecond had passed, she would avert her eyes, and look down. Like she couldn't bear to look at me for one second longer, or all her memories would be relived. And honestly? That is exactly what I saw in her every time my eyes landed on her. I couldn't bear to look at her anymore, without remembering everything that was lost. And I missed that, casually gazing at her, her beautiful face and her perfect body, and hoping one day that we could be together. That she could be mine.
I gave up that dream, that hope, a few weeks after the CoC was destroyed. We were haggard, broken, and bloody, but we were alive. Many people died for that cause. But for the present time, we were safe.
And time just kept on ticking by.
We grew separated and awkward. Things between us were disjointed, like we forgot how to act around each other. So we kind of fell apart... we never tried to make it work. Between all the debriefings, lectures with Solomon, and being smothered by doctors, we never had time alone (not that they would ever leave us alone if we did have time). We weren't bound together by this force, driving to find the CoC, to work harder. Suddenly, Cam and I were just normal. Not in the real kind of normal, but back to when I was just me and she was just her, and we could act however we wanted, not having to watch our backs. But we could never go back, not with our best friends and families dead.
So why didn't we even try? I knew I still loved her, and I still do. But I didn't think reliving all those terrible moments was worth it, was worth her. And maybe it wasn't, at the time. Maybe we needed time to settle down, go back to living like a normal person. To grieve. To think.
And we have had that time. Three years later, I would think that that would be enough to get your priorities in order. I'm not going to lie and say that there wasn't a single day I went without thinking about her. And I'm not going to lie and say that I tried to move on, and I wanted to move on. I wanted to just be at a place where I could just live, without this rain cloud hanging over my head. But going on black out missions and drinking yourself into a stupor every night is no way to live.
When you live, you are with the person you love, doing the things you want to do. I know that person is Cammie, but until now I have been too much of a coward to accept it. I thought this life would be great when I was younger, but this life means nothing to me if I can't have Cammie.
So, I have decided to call her. Actually I decided to call her two weeks ago, but I haven't been man enough to do it. This was initially supposed to be what I was going to say to her, but this kind of happened. So now that I have this useless long paper, I am going to call Cammie.
3rd Person POV
A man is sitting in a phone booth in Soho, New York. He has been sitting there for about ten minutes, staring at the numbers on the dial pad. The street is quiet, only a trickle of people walking down the sidewalk, mostly couples holding hands, or parents jogging after their children, all hurrying inside from the cold. The man is young, not more than twenty five, with a very handsome face and stubble on his chin. He stares at the old plastic object some more, and quickly dials the number, obviously committed to memory, with shaking fingers
A young woman sits at a corner booth cafe in D.C. drinking coffee, staring aimlessly out the window. She's been sitting there for nearly forty-five minutes, and her once hot beverage is now undoubtedly cold. She is sitting the the same chair she sits in, staring out the same window she stares out of everyday, around eight o'clock. Her eyes clouded with thought, almost hopeful. Suddenly, her cell phone rings, and she hesitates as she reaches for it once she reads the unknown number. She reluctantly answers the call.
"Hey" She immediately recognizes the voice, although a bit rougher than she remembers.
"Zach, um, hey. How are you?" the girl responds awkwardly, wincing at the sound her voice makes when she speaks.
"I'm okay. How are things with you?"
"Not the same, but I'm working through it." She says, running the thousands of scenarios through her mind of why he called. Why now? Why after waiting three years did Zachary Goode, call me?
"Are you happy?" This question startles her, it is obviously not the question she was expecting.
"Umm," she pauses, not knowing what to say. Was she happy? Not really. Living with Bex was all she ever wanted when she graduated, when she was younger. But Bex changed. And she changed, too. "No, I'm not really happy." She decided to be honest. In the past, he was the person who knew her best, the only person who could see through her lies. That didn't change, did it?
"I'm not happy either, actually, and I have been thinking." His voice sounded sad, forlorn. Like he desperately wanted her to understand what he was saying, but he had no idea how to say it. "I have been thinking a lot about you... and me." Cammie stomach did a little flip. She was hoping he hadn't moved on. Every night she would fall into bed thinking of him, only to chastise herself, telling herself to move on, stop thinking about the boy who caused you so much trouble. The boy you love.
"And that maybe pushing each other away wasn't a good idea. I just can't get you out of my head. I understand that we needed some time, but time can't heal everything Cam.
Realizing how much time must have lapsed, she inhales the smell of coffee while taking a deep breath to gather her courage. "I have been thinking too, sort of. Since the day you left, actually. And I think you're right, about the time thing. I don't know what we were trying to accomplish," she laughs a little, " why would we think that pushing each other away would do any good, or that we would just get over each other and move on?"
"We were still recovering from the post-stress trauma. Of course we weren't in our right minds.
"I guess. Well, maybe you could come down one night, for dinner I mean, and we could talk? We could go to that one pizza place for old time's sake. That is if you are still in Richmond."
"Oh, well last summer I was transferred to the New York branch..." the smallest sigh of disappointment came from the other end, "but I was planning on driving down next weekend to visit Solomon. Maybe I could see you then?" The young girl on the other end of the line instantly lit up, eyes bright and shinning.
"That would be fantastic. I can't wait to see you Zach." So much emotion was filled in that response, that the man couldn't help but smile.
"I'll call you soon, okay?" His voice said, not wanting to end the conversation so soon. Cherishing every moment.
'Yeah, okay." Her voice was definitive and strong, and her smile rang through the telephone.
"And Gallagher girl? I am definitely not over you."
But I Go Out And I Sit Down At A Table Set For Two
And Finally I'm Forced To Face The Truth
No Matter What I Say, I'm Not Over You