It has been 5 months since the day I learned the news that I would be returning to the scene of my worst nightmare, The Hunger games arena. At first I tried to kill myself knowing I could never survive another battle in the arena but then I learned I was carrying a child, Peeta's child and somehow I could not find the courage to end that little life growing inside me. At first I resented the baby for taking away my option to just end the misery and the nightmares but the first time I felt our child stir within me I knew I could never resent this baby.
So far I have done a very good job of keeping my pregnancy hidden thanks mostly to my mom who made me some wonderful maternity clothes that hide my pregnancy very well. We have decided not to tell anyone until our interviews in the capital. Since I will no longer be wearing my mother's clothes my pregnancy will then be an open book. As a last hope Haymitch suggested Peeta going first at the interviews and telling the news of my pregnancy and playing the part of husband and father about to lose everything in hopes that we may gain some support from the capitol or at the least more sponsors.
I spent all night begging Peeta not to volunteer at the reaping today surely they would not kill the baby so there is a possibility that if I am killed in the arena the baby could survive and if so it will need at least one parent but Peeta insists it will be me because he is going to keep me and the baby alive. I have not told him yet but I plan to be the one getting him out alive he would make a better parent than me anyway he deserves to live a full long life he is such a good man.
The baby can feel my stress today it has been moving nonstop since last night and now as I stand ready to be reaped into the Hunger games for the second time it feels as if the baby is going to climb right out of me. Peeta notices my discomfort and wraps his arms around me this sooths me and the baby soon calms. Effie is looking her bright colored and far too cheerful self today as she reaches into the reaping pot." Katniss Everdeen" she sings out as if the entire district did not already know it was going to be me. Something inside me wants to scream its Katniss Mellark you idiot but I can't nobody can know Peeta and I are already married so I hold my peace and take a deep breath as I do my best to move my body onto the steps of the justice building. Effie smiles at me" I see you have been preparing for the games by putting on some weight my dear". I do my best to laugh at her very unfunny comment. I lock eyes with Peeta begging him not to go with me but it is no use Haymitch is chosen and Peeta volunteers almost before Effie has finished saying his name. He looks so handsome and brave as he marches toward me I know I should feel lucky to have him want to protect me and his child but at that moment I hate him at least before there was a chance of us being a family someday now that can never be.