In some ways, she wanted to know what happened upon the Odyssey, in others, she wanted nothing to do with it. Sure, she was curious, but what if she didn't like what happened on the ship, or what she became, or for that matter, what everyone else became. There were too many what ifs, of how everyone reacted to the situation. Teal'c was strong, stronger than them all, to keep their "what if" lives a secret.
Sometimes she wanted to know, most, she didn't. She didn't want to think of the relationship that might have been, decayed, destroyed, erased and broken. Her fear was that she lost Daniel, as everything, and she couldn't and wouldn't want to live without him She wouldn't admit it aloud but Daniel meant the world to her, and she wasn't going to loose that by knowing what happened.
She cared for Daniel, much more than she truly intended to, and was going to do everything she possibly could to prevent them not being able to be together. Even just being with him the way they were, she would be happy, not truly happy, but happy enough.
"Hey Vala, can you had me that?" a voice shook Vala out of her thoughts and looked at Daniel, whose head was buried in the book he was reading, and pointing absently to something on the table.
"The pencil, can you hand me that?" he asked again, a hint of exasperation in his voice. Vala smiled and handed him the pencil, as she leaned over the table to see what he was working on. "Yes?"
"Just curious Daniel," she smiled brightly before settling back down in her seat, turning her attention to the Nintendo DS in her hands.
Daniel looked over and smiled as she sat enthralled in her video game. He couldn't believe at times, Vala was in his life, granted he never outwardly showed how much she meant to him, but it was enough, enough that she knew, he hoped.
He wasn't sure what he felt for Vala was anything substantial, except deep friendship. Okay, so maybe it was deeper than that, because he felt differently to Valal than he did for Sam. Sam was like a sister, Vala was nothing like a sister, he couldn't imagine Vala being like a sister to him, that was wrong on so many levels. For Vala, he determined, she was a friend, nothing more, nothing less than a dear friend, who he cared about, far more than he should a friend.
Shaking his head, he smiled at the woman, who made life seem like it was new, and exciting. She was everything he wasn't, his complete polar opposite, and somehow, he never felt anything like this before. Not with Sarah, not with Sha're, not with Janet. He loved all of them, differently…
Sarah was his first love, someone who admired what he did, and stood by him, until her happiness was at stake, and then she left him. He loved her, or at least, a facsimile of love, he was sure now, that what he felt for Sarah was something akin to adoration. Oddly, or maybe not so oddly, he only thought of Sarah when trying to come to terms with his feelings for Vala.
Then there was Sha're, he loved her, truly loved her, but if she was love of his life, probably not. It took him a decade to get over her death, but he was sure, that if Vala ever died, he would never get over her, never get over the laugh, the smile, the feeling that filled his heart and soul, the way that being with Sha're never did. It didn't mean he didn't love her, on the contrary, he loved her with all he had at that point in his life. Then she was gone. And he came to the conclusion that yes he loved Sha're, but he lost her and had to move on.
Then there was Janet, beautiful, insightful, loving, amazing Janet Fraiser, who was never really his, but he cared for so deeply, it was devastating the moment her life was taken. He was never sure if he would get over the moment when someone, not just anyone, but a woman he could love, and was taken far before he was ready to let her go.
Then he met Vala Mal Doran, who beyond all his barriers, all his safe guards to keep from getting hurt, wormed her way into his life and heart. Not that he'd ever admit it to her of course. Well, maybe, one day. He just wasn't sure that the relationship could work, could be the one he was searching for, the one that he let the women he 'loved' be taken from him.
He wanted what Sam and Jack have. Granted a relationship that is hidden and revealed only in the most private moments of their lives, and friends. He sometimes didn't understand why their relationship had to be hidden, it was their choice, but when they got the chance to be together, the love that surrounded them was infectious.
Except, he wasn't sure he was ready for a relationship like that with Vala. That intense, or even of that caliber. He wasn't ready, or was he?
"And then, Danny boy here, oh he decided to die," Jack smiled, tipping the neck of his beer bottle towards Daniel, one arm draped around Sam's shoulders, holding her too him, as he regaled Vala and Cameron with stories of SG-1, and their not so fine moments.
"Die?" Vala asked from the floor, as she was leaning against Daniel's legs, balancing her wine glass on her knees.
"Oh yes, turns out he was just swimmin' away in the ocean," Jack winked as Vala turned around and looked up at Daniel.
"Daniel! How many times have you died?" she asked, her eyes burning his with her gaze.
"Only, like three, well, I ascended, so that doesn't really count as me dying," Daniel explained, it was evident that the alcohol he had consumed was having an affect on his brain. Usually he did not like to talk about his deaths, far too painful.
"Anyway! Danny here, he got us into more trouble than he's worth," Jack continued.
"Not entirely true Jack, you got us into one or more situations that weren't Daniel's fault," Sam continued.
"And sometimes it was your fault," Daniel pointed directly at Sam, who shook her head.
"I'm making Jack take the blame for those instances," she winked taking a sip of her wine.
"Sure blame it on me," the general grumbled in good humour. Vala laughed and looked up at Teal'c, who was sitting stoically in his chair.
"What do you say Muscles?" she asked with a large grin.
"I am at fault of no ill mission," he explained cocking his head to the side, and giving a Teal'c smirk. The roars of laughter broke throughout the room, and Daniel felt Vala lean farther into his legs. He smiled at the warmth of her body against his legs, and wished his brain wouldn't stop him from pulling her into his arms on the couch. But his brain was logical, his brain told him that it was wrong to do that, that he didn't really didn't feel anything important for Vala.
Vala leaned farther into Daniel's legs, and felt a warmth of emotion fill her body. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the company, maybe it was Daniel lowering his inhibitions and allowing her in, whatever it was, it was something both comfortable and new. It wasn't that she didn't love spending time with the entire team, and General O'Neill, she did, but any moment that Daniel let down his guards, and allowed more than just his friends in, let more of herself in. She realized, breaking down Daniel's walls was going to be a process the moment she confided in Sam, but it was taking longer than she anticipated.
She had never realized how much she actually cared for Daniel, until she almost lost him. Never before, had she felt the same way she did about Daniel, he was something, someone who changed her entire world. She wasn't going to outwardly admit it of course, but she loved Daniel, in love? She wasn't sure, but she definitely loved him. At least, that was the only term she could attribute to the way Daniel made her feel.
"Well, I hate to break up this party, but I gotta get some sleep!" Cameron announced standing up, his feet a tad bit wobbly, probably caused by the amount of empty bottles of wine and beer that stood beside the back door.
"I will drive you home ColonelMitchell," Teal'c said standing up as well, as the only truly sober one present. "DanielJackson, ValaMalDoran would you also like a ride to the base?"
"You know what, sure," Daniel said nodding his head, looking down at Vala who's head was leaning against his knees. "We have a briefing in the morning anyway."
"Can't say I miss those," Jack yawned as he let go of Sam, who stood up.
"I miss the missions," Sam smiled. "I'm so glad we got to see all of you."
"As are we ColonelCarterO'Neill," Teal'c smiled bowing his head. Sam smiled brightly at the use of her newly married name and looked toward Daniel and Vala. "Take care of him while we're gone. Daniel is too much a work-a-holic."
"I wouldn't talk Sam," Daniel winked, as he grabbed Vala's hand, helping her stand up.
"Hey, at least I'm taking a vacation!" the blonde defended, with a look of fake hurt on her face.
"It's your honeymoon, I'm pretty sure Jack wouldn't let you bring work with you if you tried," Cameron remarked.
"True, no work, just fishin'," Jack smiled as Sam rolled her eyes. Vala smiled and leaned over, hugging her friend.
"Text me everything!" Vala grinned brightly giving Sam a wink, as the blonde laughed. Vala had to admit, it was wonderful having Sam back, the boys although she loved them, wasn't the same as being with a woman, talking about girl things. She knew Mitchell tried to do things with her, and Teal'c listened, and Daniel, well, Daniel…it wasn't the same. "I'll miss you."
"Me too," she smiled into the hug.
"Come on Vala," Daniel said softly touching the raven's shoulder.
"Okay Daniel," she sighed giving Sam another quick squeeze before taking a hold of Daniel's hand. Lowered inhibitions or not, both sparked, but their grip tightened. It didn't go unnoticed by their team, who choose not to comment, in fear it would scare the two apart. They were like undomesticated animals, a noise would scare them apart, and they would never return to the place they were: Limbo.
The drive to the base was quiet, as the effects of their night wore into their bodies, and the liquor started to make each of them lethargic. Vala's head dropped to his shoulder, as Teal'c drove through the streets of Colorado Springs. Cameron sat in the front seat, explaining why he prefers to fly than drive, a few quips coming from Teal'c, but mostly silence from the back seat.